Am I overreacting or is this something DH should talk to BM about?
SD is only 5 and she's up at her mom's for march break. SD doesn't see her mom often - usually for a week during march break and a month for summer. She lives about 5 hours away, but DH's sister lives right rear-by her mom's house.
BM brought SD to DH's sister's house today around 2pm in the afternoon. SD arrived their SUPER hungry (from what DH's sister said) and said "mommy wouldn't wake up when i tried to get her up so i haven't had anything to eat yet. she woke up to drive me here though!"
DH's sister called us immediately. Who the hell ignores their 5 year old child until around 1:50pm in the afternoon? HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT... I don't understand how you can ignore a hungry child who wants breakfast.
Honestly I'm not a helicopter type parent. I have slept in until 10:00 before and told SD to go downstairs and grab a snack/watch TV for an hour while I get some more sleep. BUT I leave a bowl of fruit on the table and she knows she can wake me up if she needs help. From the sounds of this situation, there was NO food left out and NO flexibility on BMs part to get up when SD was saying she wanted breakfast.
She's a smart girl. But she's definitely NOT mature enough to wake up and entertain herself for 5 hours or so (she usually wakes up at 8 or 9AM). I know kids say crazy things but honestly, SD is a fairly honest child. She has A LOT of trouble lying about little things like if you ask her if she cleaned her room, brushed her teeth, whatever, she literally can't lie lol so i'm struggling to see how BM might be innocent in this scenario.
I feel really, really hurt on SD's behalf. I don't know if I'm overreacting but that couldn't of been a good morning for her and she shouldn't have to go through that. My DH and I are both not sure if this is something to talk to BM about or not. We don't want to react based on emotion because of course we love SD so maybe we're overthinking it.
Would you say something about this? (Not me, of course, but DH)
Honestly, is there any reason
Honestly, is there any reason to think that the BM has some drug or alcohol issue?
It sounds really odd that she is sleeping for hours past the normal time her daughter would be getting up.
It's a little unnerving to think a 5 yo is so unsupervised.
If I were the father, I might ask BM in a non accusatory way. It may be that her mom was sick ... or the child confused the story in telling it.
I suggested he talk to her in
I suggested he talk to her in a non-accusatory way as well. Neither of us want to infringe on her time parenting SD. That's not at all our intention and we don't want drama. But yes, there is a reason to think she has some drug/alcohol issues. She has in the past. She has been sober, as far as I know, for a couple years but she did recently go through a breakup and she doesn't have a job, so she doesn't have much to stay sober for these days. I really, really want to give her the benefit of the doubt there because I have had addictions in my past too so I don't like to jump to that or judge... but it is possible.
My DS14 is far older and when
My DS14 is far older and when hungry will always tell you he hasn't eaten all day. When you remind him he had cereal for breakfast - "Oh yeah, I forgot but i haven't had anything besides that." Then you remind him he had a sandwich for lunch - "Oh yeah, I forgot but i haven't had anything besides that." Then you remind him he had chicken and veggies for dinner - "well yeah, but i haven't had anything besides that. & I'm starving."
Unless you can prove it in court - let it go. Send snacks with her if you are really worried there is no food at mom's.
I'm not so much worried about
I'm not so much worried about food at her house as I am about her not waking up to feed her. SD specifically said she tried to wake mommy up and mommy didn't wake up until she left to drive her to DH's sisters. DH's sister did say she seemed almost ravinous by the time she got there and scarfed down food, which IF she hadn't eaten anything all day, wouldn't be surprising. She was going through a growth spurt before she left (2 days ago) and was eating multiple small meals a day.
In my experience kids don't
In my experience kids don't really have that much of a concept of time at that age. What may have felt like BM waking up and driving her straight to sister's house to SD may not have actually been the case. BM could have been up for hours and it only seemed like a few minutes. I would tread carefully. I agree that it is definitely cause for concern if BM left this kid unsupervised for that long, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that this was the actual truth vs. the truth in the eyes of a 5 yr old.
I would make a note of it and
I would make a note of it and let it go, BM can do in her house what she wants, neither of you have a say.
Yes I feel for SD, but this might work in your benefit, SD might refuse later to have any contact or visitation with her mother and the sm's on this site, with absent BM's are way more happier then us with the real BM.
Also DH should simply tell his sister, I'm 5 hours away, why don't you go over there round about 10/11 and see what's going on in that house, you are around the corner....
That's a thought there...
That's a thought there... have Sis drop by the EX house to drop off something mid-morning?
Oh.. Hey EXSIL, just wanted to drop these cookies off for SD.. she enjoyed them at my house so I figured I would bring you guys some here?
I guess SIL could also give DH a read on how BM looked when the drop off happened. Was she looking rough?
SIL did say she was looking a
SIL did say she was looking a bit rough. DH talked to BM and she said something about how both of them slept in really late until like 12:30 so they didn't have time to eat. I've never, ever known SD to sleep until 12:30... maybe 10 at the latest... and i've lived with the child full-time for 3 years. So maybe it's a possibility... maybe BM kept her up way too late. But that's a good idea. We'll see if SIL will do that.
Thanks!!
Either BM has the flu. OR
Either BM has the flu.
OR hung over.