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It never ends!

LAMomma's picture

So my last post was about BM making a bogus filing with the court. We were supposed to have mediation this month and court next. Our lawyer sent in the response and a couple of days later we got a call saying mediation was cancelled with no date to reschedule. Her lawyer apparently suddenly had to have surgery less than a week before mediation. We're thinking he's trying to back out now that he realizes all the crazy and no chance of winning based on their filing plus she barely paid the guy.

Now she's on to her next ploy which I'm sure she will try to use when we do go to court at some point. She's taken to signing SD7 up for some type of church activity that involves singing. First time she notified my husband and basically told him he HAD to bring her and threatened contempt. Ha no. All extra activities are supposed to be MUTUALLY agreed upon. She made a big scene about it via text and when we went to pick up the kids for the next visitation. She went as far as to tell SD7 in front of everyone, while I was recording, to ask her Dad why he wasn't letting her go to church. She made him the bad guy in it all and it was a big production.

Well... Today we get another lovely text. It read like she was basically telling him SD7 was singing on Christmas Eve and he needed to stay and watch her perform. HAHAH. We get the kids on the 23rd and bring them back Christmas Eve at 9pm. We have plans to open gifts on Christmas Eve since it's BM's year to have them for Christmas. Neither of us are religious at all. We have 4 total kids. We are NOT going to go to a service that'll likely be 1-2 hours long to watch SD7 sing.. She's in speech and half the crap both of them say you can't even understand so I'm not ruining my holidays to go listen to her butcher music.

How do you guys handle BM trying to control your time with the kids? It seems like that is what she is trying to do now. She can't control anything else so she's trying to schedule things on our time then it makes us the bad guys. This church is likely 30+ mins away and like I said.. None of us go to church regularly nor do we want to. It was not discussed prior whatsoever.

SD7 is obviously having some emotional issues. She's been regressing. Both SD7 and SD4 peed their beds last weekend the first night they were here. SD7 peed again on the second night and then when we were getting them ready to bring back to their Mom's I told her to go into the bedroom and change. She peed on herself and the clean clothes she changed into right before leaving. When asked why she said because someone was in the bathroom. Her sister was in the bathroom for a whole 5 mins. She did not say one word about needing to use the bathroom and just pissed on herself. This is normal for them and they don't say one word about it. If I hadn't noticed she wouldn't have said anything and acted like nothing was wrong.

Green4go's picture

OMG! So familiar. This is how we (father) solved the problem....NO our time (3 hours on Tuesdays) You are not dictating how those 3 hours are spent. All activities are to be mutually agreed upon and you signed her up for cheer and didn't consult me. She did this so we would pay for it...600 a month in CS she can pay for it and on her time. Then signs her up for a church function on Sundays (Only the 2 a month shes with us)...NO. We got the same response....well its your daddy's fault you cant do cheer or church. WAH! She doesn't even miss it and enjoys just coming over. This happens a lot in our situation and just 2 of many examples. He is called selfish and threatened with court every week. He is no longer afraid of the BM so follow the court orders and she will have nothing to stand on! Do you and enjoy it!

LAMomma's picture

I told DH he should pull her aside and explain to SD7 that church is an activity on her Mother's time and not ours. We will not be going to church. He doesn't want to explain anything to her. It's a sucky position for her to be in. Her mom gives her hope she can go to these activities then blames it on DH. I think if he would explain that it's not going to happen she would realize her Mom is full of crap plus it'd be coming straight from him.

I just think it's crappy. We picked them up tonight and once again her Mom said in front of her and DH that it was his fault and don't let her Dad lie to her. We haven't lied to the kid. We haven't said anything really about it.

Green4go's picture

I understand completely. It is a catch 22. The BM blames in front of the child with is a huge no no. He in turn says nothing as to not place blame on the BM, which is good not to blame or bash the other parent in front of or to the child. Which depending on the vulnerability and naïvenness of the child can make dad look bad. This really is a talk between the parents. Hopefully as the child grows up and can see though the nonsense (like I did) or the will become prey to the chaos. Either way both are in the wrong and not looking at the best interest of the child.

Because I deal with the same thing with cheer and church mostly, I completely understand the aggravation. The desire to just jump in there and spew the truth. Yet, I can disagree all I want but unless the father does something it won't change. I try not put myself in those situations anymore. The stress is just too much.

I wish you the best of luck and if you discover a good way to deal with this then please let me know.

CLove's picture

The wetting herself is a serious issue - that needs to be addressed - hopefully there is someone you can talk to who knows about child psychology.