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I could not take anymore so here is what I did

Iamthewife's picture

I had posed a few days ago about " DH", I saw crap on my SD17's FB page. So, I messaged the mini wife asking if she was coming to her dad's. She said , Nope not today or tomorrow" I said " okay" and typed in that we had a long talk and thought maybe " a week or two away might be a good idea" she said " okay". I then asked her to take whatever she wrote off face=book asap. she said " Okay but i need time away, I am confused and not sure what to do. So i asked why she was confused and what would make it easier on her to want to come back to the house", By her next statement i realized she thought I was her dad, So i continued the conversation as if I was " DH" this was the very last resort.

I asked her how she felt about me ( using my name, while having her think it was " DH") she stated she was annoyed with me for always thinking it was my fault that she is mad at me, I flat out told her I did not think it was my fault) WOW she was really trying to play on her dad's feelings, sd17 then stated how she can not stand me, she can not and to be around me anymore, I was the reason she did not want to come here. LOL Oh really,


Then sd17 continued on saying how it was my attitude and the way I acted.( The way I acted???, That She did not do anything wrong.

Time for a slight adjustment here!

SO, Pretending I was " DH" I told her that I had seen the way SD17 was acting, and what his bad decisions had been, I did not go into details but the fight got pretty heated on his end the day I made her leave our home, which was one of the main reasons I told her to leave. among other reasons. I went on to say how I was asking her to clean her room because I only wanted to put in shelves and TV/DVD/VCR combo in her room and a computer so she would have more to do. I told sd17 her attitude and her own actions were uncalled for and needed to stop. She was still trying to play into his feelings. ( I was not having that)

Since " DH" would not do anything to let her know her actions, I decided I then decided drastic measures had to be taken here, I said with her thinking I was still " DH" .. well if you are unhappy with her here , I , when she wakes up will tell her its over and file for divorce.and how I did not not want anyone to be living in a situation where anyone was uncomfortable. or place her in that situation.

She thought about it and started saying how she was not going to be around him forever how he loved him but wanted some other guy who does not even live in the state we do. Again mentioning how confused she was, so wanting to know if anything had happened between her and dh, I said you know I love you baby, and I want to see us spend time together, she replied I know and want that too.
I then said I think we both know why your upset too and why your upset with SM. She said I love you and I just can't deal with things, I am confused and I need time.

I still pretended to be " dh" and told her, I made up my mind I am going to file for divorce and then SD17 and DH can spend time together. she then said no dad, she makes you happy, don;t go that,

I said I just have to find a way to tell her how you feel about her without her feelings getting hurt anymore, She said no dad, don;t leave her, please listen to me, I am sorry I know I have made things difficult.

I said no , done deal and went as far as to change my DH's face book status to its complicated. I have her a few minutes more to think about things and then I said. Okay , I'll stay with "sm" but you have to tell her for yourself how you really feel about her or I will" she agreed to.


I then change his fb relationship status back to married. and when he woke up, I told him about how i find out she could not stand to be around me, so i told dh, how if that was how she felt, I was not going to stay around or be married to him, and just let dad and daughter be happy. suddenly he had a big change of heart and agreed things needed to drastically change with her attitude, actions and his as well.

This was the very last resort, my last option to handle things this way. I told him I was not making him choose between her and I, because that's his daughter, then I went on by saying how she needed to get some life skills because she is almost 18 and trying to tell us how she wants us to treat her like an adult. I said well, she needs to get a job then, pay for things she wants, save money up for a place of her own and buy her own food. pay for her own internet and phone. he agreed.

So lets see if there are going to be any changes if not then well im outta this marriage and done. and no I did not hack into DH fb account he gave me his password a while back. This was not done outta spite, this was done outta some tough love needed to be given to SD and to DH.

amber3902's picture

You still have not addressed the biggest problem here, the improper behavior between DH and SD, i.e. sucking on popsicles, smacking each other on the butt, etc.

Iamthewife's picture

I did address that but in a much different way with the DH and with her, That is something that needs to be said with both of them present not on face=book. and that's what i meant by saying his and hers actions needed to stop or I was gone.

I did tell DH that his actions needed to change because he was also doing suggestive things that have been crossing the line as she had been, he already knows I do suspect them both, I have brought it up including on the day I had her leave right in front of both of them. He does know I have strong suspicions about them already, That has not been not made not clear to the both of them.

That WILL be the main topic of an in person talk with the three of us present. so I will let everyone know how this turns out either way there is going to be some drastic changes, either their behavior and actions change towards each other or i am completely done.

Anon2009's picture

I think that if things are this bad, you need to leave, or seek counseling for yourself first, at the very least. If you're in a tough financial patch you can call your state's department of health/mental services and they'll give you a list of affordable counseling services.

dacejk60's picture

Heck, id love the opportunity to hear what my SD really thinks or whatever about me to her dad or friends. Im sure it would be eye opening, not to mention funny, not to mention useful, not to mention likely WAC!

Iamthewife's picture

Actually I told DH right after he woke up that I imperonated him, I am a straight to the point person. I even showed him the conversation between us. I took a huge risk in doing so. I had more then enough and yes I was going to leave if this did not get it through both of their heads that enough was enough! It worked, it got his attention and it got her out looking for a job. As for us, DH and I are moving outta state, She will be 18 soon, old enough to get her own place. My husband was not upset that I impersonated him. he exspected me to, he stated so. I am brutally honest and straight forward, It woke him up to a lot of things. The situation has clamed down tremendously.

And yes I was having some laughs while doing so, why lie about it. I tried everything else and of all things that worked impersoniating him was the last resort and option that worked. Any parent can not sit here and say that if there teen was not talking to them about what was going on, that you would not go to any length to make sure they were alright. I might vent about sd17 and DH but i love them both very much and i love her as if she was my own,however I have done this to my kids meaning creating a profile and acting like i was a teen two schools over to get them to open up. boy i found out some interesting things about them. one of which was being peered pressure into trying drinking and drugs. So while under this im your new found teen friend profile, I made him understand that not everyone thought it was cool, by the end of the week my son and i were best friends, heck i was the nice cool teen friend that every parent wanted their child to hang with. i also related to him about how kids and teens are not always going to get along and such, how my parents were divorced, and it worked, now he tells the other teens they should not use or drink because he would find them uncool. I just might have saved people's lives by acting like a teen in order to know my son was going to try it because he thought it was cool by other kids, Its not lying to them, its finding out what is going on inside of them and the real issues, even if I might not have liked the anger SD17 had against me, It gave her the chance to vent like I do here