17 SD Wants the Cake and eat it too!
OK, so I have been reading post from other memebers here to help me with my situation at home. This is my first post so here I go. My wife thinks I'm too strict when it comes down to our "House Rules" So to stop our weekly arguement ritual we decided that she would handle her kids dicipline. I'm not all 100% in agreement with it being that its "Our Home" and all rules should apply to everyone. We have a daugther of our own and I'm very clear to what I expect and boundaries, but when it comes to her daughters she is very easy going. Anyways, to avoid issues we decided for her to do the dicipline on her daughters, however, the issue comes down to financial. Eventhough I'm not to have a say on their dicipline or set rules my wife was really upset when I told her i shouldnt be held responsible to them on financial things. Like going out and buying them an Ipad for Xmas. My wife thinks I'm wrong...Am I the only one that things other wise???? Forgot to mention that SD's live with us full time.
I agree with your mindset. If
I agree with your mindset. If she cuts you off as a parent of theirs in the discipline area, it is up to her to buy their Christmas gifts. Even when I was married, I used my income to provide everything for the children. I wouldn't dream of expecting a stepdad to provide money for my children's gifts!
I am not sure what all this
I am not sure what all this things mean
SS
BD
SD
can someone explain this to me please .
"Sadly many steps are treated
"Sadly many steps are treated like a wallet and a maid and have no rights and thats wrong..." This is exactly how I feel! Ugh! Thanks for defining it so well!
yes, she receives child
yes, she receives child support, however, its minimal and it doesnt go a long way for what the 17yr SD and 14yr SD want and expect. Our own daughter is 10 and at times I know limit or stop myself from buying or doing things for her because the SD's dont get much from their dad. My wife believes that my expectations are too extreme and that i'm only wanting the SD's to kiss my butt so that I can help financially.
I can understand where you
I can understand where you are coming from! My husband's divorce papers say that if he has my SD for an extended period of time, he does not pay child support. Well, when my SD moved in with us the 5th day of September, after his ex already got September's money, she did not refund any of it. She also refused to allow my SD to bring anything with her, so I had to go get her clothes on my credit card just so she could go to school! The following month, my husband couldn't understand why I was so upset that he agreed to give his ex child support money even though my SD was still with us! My son is a junior, and even though my husband adopted my son, and is financially responsible for him, most of my son's extras come from me, because I make more money. It is his junior year, and I told my husband that if he gave his ex the money, he better adjust his spending, because I was NOT going to tell my son I wasn't buying his class ring when everyone else was getting theirs because I now had to financially help pay for my SD the rest of the month because my husband gave his ex the money that should have gone to the things my SD needed, like food, feminine products, paying off what I spent on my credit card on her clothes, etc. My son works hard, and stays out of trouble, so I think he deserves his class ring.
It has also come down to me having to just take a complete stand away position when it comes to my SD. It gets me accused of all kinds of crap by my husband, but I can't consider her one of "my kids" if the only thing I'm allowed to do is buy things for her. If she is to be considered one of "my kids", I MUST be allowed to have some say in correction and discipline, because I will NOT be run over! Not to mention, the kid needs help (and I'm talking about the mental kind, if you read my other post, you would understand), but I'm not allowed to get it for her, and no one else is going to provide it!
Last year SD16 got in my face
Last year SD16 got in my face and told me I had no right to parent her, or have parenting expectations for her even though she lives in a house I pay the mortage on. It was then that I turned and immediatly told DH, you now have half the bills in this house (he did utilities I do the mortage) but in addition I was doing the lions share of the food, and other expenditures including vacations and xmas. Im waiting for this to blow up in his face this year for Xmas.. I am licking my chops with anticipation. You have no right to parent, she should not expect a dime
thank you all for your
thank you all for your feedback. My wife thinks that i'm absolutely wrong about this and says that nobody in their right mind would agree. this has site has been a God giving gifts from the minute i found it. Before that i was doubting myself to the point that i went to therapy.