Am I wrong...???
Hello Everyone...Need some advice here. My wife and I have been marry for 11 yrs now. She has two daughters from previous marriage, ages 17 and 13. We also have a 10 together. Ever since the oldest was 13/14 we have bumped heads. At first it was "manageable" as we only address each other when it was "needed". However, a few yrs back my wife and SD were having an argument in the kitchen. I tried to stay out of it since it was a "girl" thing, however, my SD yelled at my wife and became disrespectful...I stepped in and let my SD have it. Told her that wasnt going to be tolerated in my home. She talked back at me and said she couldnt wait till she could move out and go live with her dad. And that I wasnt her dad to yell or address her the way I did. I sent her to her room and just went off when she said those words to me. The funny thing is that my wife ended up being mad at me. Anyways, since that day we have not addressed each other but to only say "hi" and "bye". A few months back i talked to my mother about the situation and she gave me some advice, to be the "bigger person" and reach out. So we took both my SD's to lunch. During the lunch I asked my oldest SD on putting things behind us and for us to move forward. She agreed and we carry on. However, I really didnt see any changes from her. I would start discussions with her but she would always be very short with me. About a month ago, i agree with my wife that we would buy her a car, which we did. Well, she went on FB to post pictures of the car and to thank everyone, including God, but me for her new car! My wife didnt see anything wrong with it. She also continues with her "none" talking attitude and she is now influencing the your SD. Whenever I'm around she whispers or doesnt say much. I dont care or want to know what she is talking about but I believe its disrespectful to whisper on purpose when I'm around. Again, wife doesnt seem to think this is wrong. Am I wrong to feel this way???
It's not wrong of you to feel
It's not wrong of you to feel the way you're feeling.
The problem lies with your wife. Your wife is the "parent" and as long as she does not step up and tell your SD17 that her behavior towards you is unacceptable, your SD17 will take your wife's silence as acceptance.
See, I have ss17 who has done the very same thing to me since about 6 months after we introduced kids to each other (that would be over 7 years ago). SS17 will absolutely, positively NOT address me even when I've spoken first. It's his way of letting me know I'm NOT OK with him. And for years, DH would act dumb and play like he didn't just see his son ignore me. DH's silence was interpreted as acceptance of SS17's behavior.
It's too late for me, the damage is done and it's more ingrained than a bad habit. I have actually asked my DH, who has now decided he needs to step it up and be a man about it, that I don't want him to say anything -- that would only confirm with SS17 that I care enough to be hurt.
But if your SD17 is ignoring your attempts at conversation and your wife is present, it may help for her to say, "SD17, 13BOIF is speaking to you. It's not polite to ignore someone when they are speaking to you." or something of the sort.
I don't know if that will help or not.
who me? or OP? Or BOTH ha
who me? or OP? Or BOTH ha ha.
Yup, I did. Stupidly. Hoping the DH would step up and call out SS. Never happened. After about the first 4 or 5 months of this happening I gave up, disengaged, quit even trying to address the little snot. But he got what he gave, radio silence. And still does to this day.