My ex is also. Not 3 DUI's alcoholic, but still an alcoholic. My bios are 16 & 17 and what i wanted them to see for so many years so they could attempt to understand "the whys" of why i left breaks my heart as well. As they're definitely old enough to see & understand its also difficult to watch. I never speak about their dads drinking, but if they do ask i don't lie. I covered for him throughout most of our marriage. I no longer keep his problem as my own.

So it sounds as if they understand a bit about what their father's problem is. I'm assuming they understand the danger of riding in the car with dad? I'm astounded that a system would allow at three time DUI alcoholic unsupervised visits with children. It sounds like you're working hard to both acknowledge your children's feelings and thoughts on their father while not alienating them from him. That has to be hard.

My father had alcoholism his whole life ... right up till it killed him. I always flip flopped between guilt, like I wasn't a good enough reason not to drink and anger ... so much anger towards him. What really helped me was learning that it's a disease. It was never about me, he never "choose" drinking over his children - he hated drinking but he had an addiction, a disease.

Your ex will never seek help until he can admit that he has a problem, you really have no control over this. But you can get your children some help, someone to talk to, to work through their emotions. I wish my mom would have done that for us.

(((HUGS)))

I hope that your Ex gets help.

I am sorry that your kids have to go through this.

My sister is an alcoholic and it breaks my heart, what she puts my niece through.

Sorry for what they are going through. It is good that they have you as a role model and support system.

My soon to be ex is an addict and the kids accept "dad sleeping all day" as the norm. It destroyed me to witness him ignore everyone in the family and snap at us if we woke him. He also always denied he was using. We were just expected to believe that sleeping constantly, disappearing for rides when awake and being sick all the time are normal behaviors.

It was easy when the kids were little to hide the dysfunction but as they get older their gut starts to tell them something is very wrong.

It comforts me to know that kids are resilient, because my stepkids have been through too much.

I would seek advice for an attorney regarding your options. 3 DUIs, stumbling in the house, all unacceptable. Maybe limited visitation is in order until he straightens out.

my 2nd ex (awesome son's dad) was an alcoholic. several stints of court-ordered rehab did no good. he got into several accidents. ended up dying a pauper at age 57. awesome son was 17 at the time

I was always terrified he would burn the apt down during visitation with DS since he would also smoke in bed

How in the world can this man afford insurance at this point, to continue driving?? His rates must be holy astronomical batman! :?

My Ex was a drunk. Drove drunk more times than I can count, got stopped a couple of times, but got out of it and has never been officially charged that I know of. He bought a bar 3 years ago (yeah, great business for a drunk to invest in!) and already lost that for not getting his liquor license and not paying his taxes. shortly after that he had his truck repossessed and I heard his house is coming up for foreclosure. Yet the man doesn't think he has a problem. Everything is always someone else's fault. He has a small group of lemmings (all other drunks) that he's able to charm and who defend him to everyone else. But it doesn't change the fact that he's a drunk. Heard he got a job....at a bar of course. I just can't imagine what the attraction is in living your life that way? That is why we ended. He was a bartender and then on his days off, he'd go hang out at the bar? I tried to be supportive, he enjoyed the work, he's a people person etc., I even put up with the AT LEAST once weekly pissing the couch or bed because he was too passed out to get up. But then like most drunks do, he cheated and that was when I decided I was done and booted his ass.

Thankfully we didn't have any kids, I can't imagine having to send my child to live with that 50% of the time ?! Hugs to you!

I am going through this too. My ex is an alcoholic. The girl recently told me that they have been forced to DRIVE HIM HOME when he's had too much to drink. Started at age 13. I have been a total mess since they told me that. I am ANGRY, I am SAD but most of all, I feel guilty. I got to divorce him. My kids don't have that option.

I am trying to figure out how to have a conversation with him about this, without causing major issues for my girls with him. They haven't been to his house since they told me he's made them do this. I knew he was drinking A LOT, I didn't realize all of this was happening. I guess I though he saved it for the MANY MANY nights a week that they are not with him.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

I am an alcoholic with almost 8 months of sobriety. My DH has almost 3 years. Our boys are 12 and 14. I am ashamed to say, but it took almost losing my kids to get me on the path to sobriety. My DH still has the divorce packet. I had to find something I wanted more than the drink.

We are still healing. We do a lot more family oriented things. Our kids have been to AA meetings and AA birthday celebrations. Oldest has a therapist; youngest just comes to us when he has questions.

It's a long road ahead but without the shove I would still be out there.