Ok, so I have been 'privileged' enough to read some of the drama stirred up with the blog of the SM wanting to be 'frank', and while I thought she was certainly bent outta shape and maybe a tad crazy, I thought I just gotta say something that's been on my mind also. I do not get to post often, and my step situation doesn't really affect my day-to-day life, but I do read often and try to offer opinions when I can. I am not trying to be hurtful in this blog, I assure you, nor stir up anything, I just realllllllly feel like getting this off my chest.

Why, oh why, are there seemingly SOOOO many women who are living with or married to such assholes, put up with it in their 'real' life, then come here to vent and seek support INSTEAD of getting out of a toxic relationship??? I know this is a support sight, but it honestly feels to me like way more often than not these 'men' are far more of a problem for these ladies than any step situation.

For example, and this is 100% fabricated and tongue in cheek, but say a blog reads something like this...."So last night my honey brings the step brats home for visitation. My dog was hit by a car a few days ago and I have been emotional ever since, I really didn't feel like hearing the brats, so I tried to get OH to not get the kids until morning, but he wanted to so oh well. Then today my car broke, I lost my keys, my mom fell, I pulled a muscle (insert any awful-day scenario) so I just wanted to stay in my room. OH brings brats in the room to jump on the bed while drinking slushies and then SS12 lit up a cigar. I tried to gently tell OH that I wasn't feeling well, I didn't think the kids should be in our bedroom, and I don't want SS12 smoking in our house, since OH lets him smoke anyway at least he could go outside. OH screamed at me in front of Skids and called me a mean bitch and said I was miserable. I feel so alone. What do y'all do when OH won't listen?"

Which is usually followed by a mixture of sympathy, advice, etc. There's also a few of "that's exactly what I go through too" replies. Then OP says how much she loves OH even though he's an ass.

So my problem is this: I know this is a support sight....but how do you advise someone that they are making the choice to be miserable without it turning into an 'attack'? Seriously, so many times I've wanted to say "Are you serious?!?!? You're DH said/did/allowed that, and this is the pattern of your life, you have many many people telling you it's NOT ok, you yourself have to KNOW somewhere in your gut that it's NOT ok, but you 'love' him??? So now, what do you want to hear???"

I apologize if I come across insensitive in any way, it's not my intention, I just truly do not get it. When so many people have 'real' problems and conflicts in their marriages and blended families, deal with severely Bitchy/Crazy BM's, why would anyone in their right mind choose to live their life that way? You do not have to be treated like a second or third class citizen, DEFINETLY not in their own homes....

I remember one poster whose teenage SDS were all 3 allowed free reign on the ENTIRE second floor of her home, the poster wanted a bedroom for her baby, and her DH was not having it. His daughters would terrorize anyone in the family, and did whatever they wanted, and it was hunky dory. WTF??? Like, I genuinely felt bad for her but, um, that would never be a problem in my life. Not a chance.

Sorry for the vent, it's been kinda bothering me, so much I read is not a 'step' problem/situation, per se, but an Asshole (dh/so/oh) problem, and it just seems like the women posting either don't want to hear that, or acknowledge it and it continues to be how they live.....I'm amazed.