A Different Perspective on this blending non-sense

I am engaged to a man who I adore. he has 2 kids who are ABSOLUTE SPOILED NIGHTMARES w A BM WHO IS A BORDERLINE PERSONALITY WITH BI-POLAR. she has tried and tried to ruin our relationship and we just flatly refuse to allow it. I wont live with them, just knowing the nightmare it will be. I have 2 girls, who cannot stand the other kids, yet love my fiance and his family!
My question is.. are there any of you who are married and do not live with the new wife/husband? just reading what everyone here goes through is like this tragic sigh of relief that I'm not alone! But blending is completely useless and would i swear drive me away in a month!! so we keep our kids pretty separate and raise them individually. I just wonder if there is an end to this madness or if anyone out there has a successful remarriage?? please let me know and from my heart - Good Luck Out there!!!!

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I agree with you on many

I agree with you on many things. The part I forgot to add, is the safety of my kids as well as his.
I have an overweight child, who his BM has never met, but has taught her kids to hate and make fun of her. Also, his kids secretly like me- but aren't allowed to go back to BM and say anything but hatred!
if we were to blend - I can see her calling DCYF and making an absolute mess of my life and her kids. Psycho arrangement! thanks for your input - sounds like you have survived lots!!

I call this the arrangement

I call this the arrangement the "weekend marriage" I have a lot of friends who are in intact families and for career reasons they have weekend marriages. Both the husband and wife have great careers in separate cities. In one case, the husband works 3 states away. He's gone Mon-Thursday. And home Fri-Sunday. It works for them.

DH's job requires him to travel 95% of the time. He's only home every other weekend. It works for us. So there are a lot of different types of living arrangements that can work.

Bottom line you have to do what's best for you.