Easter Visitation, sigh
It's been a joy I must confess not having SD here for the amount of months that she refused her visitation. No drama , other then the drama MIL tries to bring in the house after talking to BM and SD14. This Easter is a long weekend with the kids having off Friday and Monday, I had a gut feeling that BM would try to get SD to come on a long weekend, it's not DH weekend. We have plans to go to my sisters house on Saturday to do a Easter egg hunt for the little kids ( my Bio son will be with his dad ) . Well SD texted DH asking if she could come for Easter, siggghhhhhh! I hope she wouldn't be here the long weekend and I don't think he should have to drive half way to meet BM when it's not his weekend. I'm gonna let DH know that SD wants to come then BM should drive all the way. Ohhh also last weekend BM drove into town ( 3hour) to see her mom. SD texted DH she was in town, did SD mention anything about seeing her dad? Nope! Maybe she was waiting for DH to beg for get to come by but instead he said "ok well I miss you " I was shocked lol
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Nope. The schedule is the
Nope. The schedule is the schedule. No hormonal pubescent child can be allowed or tolerated to manipulate like this. I would bet that BM has plans that do no include SD. Beyond that, this has nothign to do with SD wanting to visit.
Shedule, schedule, schedule, sehcdule.
Nothing but the schedule. This is par for the course for a manipulative CP using their kid to interfere in the life of the CP's X.
IMHO of course.
This is classic BM because BM
This is classic BM because BM use to pull this for every holiday when she lived near us. "Oh I don't have anything planned so SD would have more fun with you guys anyways" . I can't imagine SD wanting to come for Easter when she has not been wanting to come since before Halloween, SD prob really wants to come just to go over to MiL house and SIL house so they can plan their little vacation with her, yup they are going on vacation again ... just them SIL,MIL, DH niece and SD I'm sure . But the manipulation move on SD to ask daddy "can I come for Easter" ...
If she comes, no going to
If she comes, no going to granny's or aunty's. She can sit her ass in her room at your place and brood. Then, when she is on her way back to BM's daddy needs to tell her, that there will be no more missing visitations and no more granny and aunty time on his time.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
DH is using the old " I just
DH is using the old " I just wanna see my kid, I have not seen her in months" my aguement is this is not your fault DH ! Ugh
He could always say, "you're
He could always say, "you're welcome to come, but I am unable to pick you up or drop you off." I suspect she wouldn't come, unless BM has plans. That used to always happen to us, BM wanted to go away with whatever SO she had at the time, so the skids would be spending non-scheduled holidays with DH. It essentially meant I could never see my family for holidays since it required travel. Then when we would travel, MIL would invite skids over for holidays and then they would all complain about how DH wasn't spending the holiday with skids (even though he wasn't supposed to have them!). This year, it actually was DH's year for Thanksgiving, but BM wanted them because her current boyfriend had his kids, so they all played happy family over Thanksgiving. What non-stepparents fail to acknowledge is that it's impossible to make plans if you're always just waiting to see if someone will show up or not. For example, one SS has not shown up at our house for over 6 weeks. He has not responded to any messages from DH, so are we just supposed to spend every weekend wondering if he'll come by? Our house is not a hotel. I'm sure MIL will invite skids for Easter (and not tell DH). I dread all holidays since becoming a stepmom, which stinks for my kids, because they should be able to have some enjoyment.
In my court mind: this might
In my court mind: this might not be his weekend but is it his holiday? I think holiday schedules supersede the weekend schedules.
My regular mind: You already made plans and arranged for your kid to be with their other parent so if I were you, I'd say no but you can come the weekend before or the weekend after.
If he doesn't have a court order outlining the schedule - Stick to your original plans and/or hope your DH is wise enough to stay on board with whatever you feel is fair to do.
If he is wise (and legally able to) he will get his kids when you have yours and vice versa so that y'all can have time as a couple to build your marriage during the limited kid-free moments
The way it is outlined in the
The way it is outlined in the CO is if the holiday falls on NON custodial parent time he can split the holiday with BM if she is in agreement. BM would not wanna split due to the distance . We do have my bio son and SD14 on the same visitation schedule so yes it would be unfair for my bio son to miss Easter with us . Really I guess I should split it with my ex prob but it's not that big of a deal. I did tell DH that I will not have my bio son so we need to keep the plans the same . But I also did tell him if SD wants to come BM needs to do all the driving since it's outside of his weekend
To be honest.. since she just
To be honest.. since she just missed what could be seen as a "family trip".. and I think it meant she may have missed some of her time with him.. I don't think that this is out of the question for her to want to come that day.. and for dad to do at least part of the driving for the pickup.. meet halfway perhaps?
I do get that it was your Sister's vacation invite.. but she just saw her dad and her other siblings go on vacation.. it might be reasonable to make up that a bit with seeing him on easter.
I do get you would prefer he not see her when it's not "his time".. but it sounds like a decent amount of his time has been missed for one reason or another (I know including her declining to come.. but also some that is on him).
SD does not know about our
SD does not know about our trip to Florida . And also I wouldn't be as bad but for his weekend we are driving to see her play and it will be a whole weekend event and the driving will totals to 9 hours so I just don't want to be doing so much driving this weekend ( half way is 2 hours both ways then again 4 hours at drop off) and then turn around and do another long driving the following weekend . My car is being used for all this driving so it sucks a bit
Stand your ground
SD has weeks to come. It's your weekend. You made plans. SD doesn't control what happens in your home. You dohr need DH drive 6 hours to pick up SD. More like 8 Horus a whole day. You have places to be at, people to see, you don't need SD screwing them up. There next weekend.
My feelings exactly . Her
My feelings exactly . Her season with volley ball is ending next weekend so she SHOULD be coming on her weekends , I'll hold my breath to see if she actually does .
Our CO made holidays easy.
Our CO made holidays easy. DW got them all. Except July 4th. Which she could get as the CO stipulated that DW got 10days of SpermLand visitation with SS any time after the first 2wks of their 5wk summer visitation. The remaining time of their visitation finished after DW returned SS to them following her 10 days. But, SpermGrandHag would go silent on that and DW was never able to take her 10 days. To completely take July 4 off of the table, SpermGrandHag would not start summer visitation early enough for the first two weeks of their summer visitation to clear prior to July 4. No big deal.
DW got every Dec 25. On Even years winter visitation started the day school was out until Dec 24. Odd years winter visitation was Dec 26 until the day before school started.
Holidays were basically easy.
Of course the Hag would rant and gnash her teeth about TG and Xmas. "No! Read the CO." solved that.
Just because SD wants doesn't
Just because SD wants doesn't mean SD gets...
Ditto for her father.
She comes during her allotted time. End of story. She doesn't get to mess with anyone else's plans.
Right and we are arguing
Right and we are arguing about it because I am saying he has a visitation schedule for a reason. SD has not been coming for a lot of reasons some is because her games fall on his weekend but some because she doesn't want to come and it has been that way since before her games started. Also it's a lot of driving to do in 2 weekends if he wants to see her play on his actual weekend . He is using the "I wanna see my kid" ok well let your kid know she needs to come when she is suppose to or when BM comes into town it would be nice for SD to try to see DH but she doesn't . I fully agree that just because SD wants, SD gets , this is the major issue with SD because she usually gets what she wants. I honestly don't even think it's her idea to come on Easter , I think MIL made this suggestion because I know MIL was talking to her over the weekend
"I wanna see my kid"
"I wanna see my kid"
"DH, for goodness sake, GROW UP. You'll see her next weekend."
Right ! He will literally see
Right ! He will literally see her the next weekend and then the visitations should resume as normal since she won't have any games
Always follow the court order
Always follow the court order.
DO not ask for changes and do NOT offer changes.
It is that simple.
The games you all play and
The games you all play and deal with are nauseating.
When is anyone going grow up and adult instead of being game playing non adults?
smh
Right. If DH said "it's not
Right. If DH said "it's not my weekend " it should have been the end but he continues to make excuses and not put his foot down.... it's gonna be interesting weekend
Yep
"It's not my weekend and we already have plans; I'll take a raincheck."
To MIL: "Mother, not sure why you feel the need to be an agent for BM and SD; please stop getting involved... you don't know the whole story. "
Yup done and done . We had
Yup done and done . We had this talk before about his mother getting involved where she shouldn't and he knows it too. I don't know why he would rather make up a excuse then tell her the truth . He has not responded yet to her asking she could pick up SD. But I think I feel a talk coming on for DH and I .
She probably
Knows it is a fake excuse. The truth wound be better.