I wonder
How it became normal to expect a person to take on someone's kids like their own and not much else? For example, why don't people say, "oohh, he has a mom, you have love her like your own now" or "ooh he has siblings, you have to love them like your own"?
And while we're at it, why doesn't anyone ever tell skids "ooh, dad has a new partner, you have to love her like your mom!"?
No new updates from my life, except that I love not living with stepsons anymore. I did buy them some xmas/valentines gifts that SO got to give them. Nothing major, just some candy for SS18, an outfit and bouncer for sgrandson, a little charm and letter for SS24 and a perfurm set for SS24's gf. DD10 had a xmas fair and could choose 1 person to get a gift for, she got a baby book for sgrandbaby. Got a text from SS18 thanking me, and a photo of sgrandbaby with outfit on from SS24 and a video of baby opening book...and nothing from SS24's gf. I wouldn't be surprised if he trashtalked us (as was his MO), but needless to say, she won't be getting anything from me anymore.
SS24 didn't get anything for DD10 for xmas or her birthday. I told DH to speak to him about that. I still have hopes they can "get it" one day, but from the looks of it, it's all the same crap, different day. The bigger part of my emotional space is taken by gratitude that we no longer awkwardly live together.
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That is something to be very
That is something to be very grateful for - living with them is ALL the responsibility with none of the authority. My stepsons are the same ages, there's really no room for coming back home. We did that in their early 20s and it was a nightmare. DH was beaming proudly talking about those "moments" and I reminded him that I don't think either kid has ever washed a dish at our house and I am really happy I am no longer the free of charge maid. I'll make sure to take my shoes off when I visit your rentals just like you never did at mine.
Love them like your own
I think this statement should actually be "treat them like your own, love them the way YOU want to, in YOUR own way".
Also I think no one puts the onus on the skids to "love steps like their own parents" simply because Stepparents CHOSE this life, and the SKIDS have zero CHOICE in this, from divorce/separation to the new partners...
Skids and CHOICE
Agree 100%!
This is why the dynamics are so dang wonky. The skids are sooooooo innocent pushing an evil SM on them, they didnt choose it WHAA.
Thats why so many are entitled and angry they get to be lifelong victims with no accountability cause they didnt choose it. On the other hand life lessons are many things we didnt choose but we need to accept.
Sigh
YES!!!
I should have added that whole thing - we chose without knowing all the pitfalls ahead.
Skids didnt choose us, so when it doesnt go exactly how they want they can then play perpetual victim.
Back in the "Brady Bunch"
Back in the "Brady Bunch" times, blended families were only typical if a bio parent died. Rise of divorce has in turn resulted in more blended families... except now the bio parents are still living and still involved in their kids lives. In turn creates the problem of "love as your own" but don't dare try to "replace".
Good for you on the gifts. I have started getting DS3's basket together. Candy, some coloring books, crayons, etc. SD13 won't be here for Easter, but DH said she will still get candy. Considering DH has never "made" or put together an Easter basket in his life, I'm curious where all of this candy is going to magically appear from lol. I will definitely not be making it.
When push come to shove
A bio kid has part of your DNA. You would take a bullet for bio kid to save them. I just don't know about SK. You love them, but will you take a bullet for them ? Will something happen the next day to get you are not my mother/father ?