Disgusted and speechless
This evening DH received a text message from BM saying she was at the urgent care with SS24, asking if SS24 was still on our health insurance (he is, until age 26!) and for a copy of the insurance card. NO information whatsoever as to what was wrong with SS24. DH forwards her the text he sent SS24 several months ago when we got a new copy of the insurance card and ASKS what's wrong with SS24. BM finally texts back that SS24 is dehydrated and throwing up. Ummm, I'm sure that has NOTHING to do with the fact that last night was NYE and SS24's wife posted pics on social media of them drinking, smoking & partying. DH and I both were disgusted with the fact that the MARRIED MANCHILD SS24 had to have MOMMMEEEEE text DH about his health insurance, instead of SS24, or, if he's in that bad of shape, his WIFE.
We last saw SS24 and his wife on Christmas Eve, when they came to our house to get their gifts. We spent about $500 on them plus gave them $200 cash. (Plus, SS24's birthday was earlier in December, and we gave him $150 for that.) They, of course, brought no gifts for anyone, even DH. They have no money due to low-paying jobs, and we, in fact, learned SS24 recently quit his retail job because it was too stressful and is doing food delivery "full-time." (insert eyeroll.) SS24 is also taking college classes on-line, having started again this past Fall.
Several hours have passed since BM's text, and we've heard nothing further, seen nothing on social media, and DH asks me to message SS24's wife and ask how he's doing. Hmmmmm. I know DH really wants to know, and I know it would not occur to SS24 or anyone else on that end to update him (and SS24 lives 2 hours away, so DH can't just drop by,) but I REALLY don't want to message SS24's wife like I'm begging for information when they can't even be bothered to communicate with us about it directly and I feel like all we're good for is the health insurance we provide. I guess DH is too embarrassed to message SS24 himself.
I have a feeling what the majority of you all are going to tell me (we know those who will say otherwise,) but I just want to get your thoughts on whether I should do this. I feel so bad for my DH yet again.
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Comments
If your DH wanted to know
If your DH wanted to know badly enough, he'd text himself.
I agree, and I think that’s best.
That's what I'm going to tell him, in a nice way. Lol.
A grown ass married man
A grown ass married man should have his own insurance.
It's one thing to have your children on your insurance when they are still in college (for the record my 23yr old that is in college full time has his own insurance through his full time employer). But a married man? Nope.
Honestly, I do not know how you put up with all this nonsense.
I don't necessarily agree
I don't necessarily agree with this. I'm on my dad's insurance. It costs him not a penny extra to have me on the insurance, as the family plan costs the same no matter how many kids are on it. OTOH, neither DH nor I have access to insurance through an employer (he has VA insurance), it would cost a significant amount for me to buy my own policy on the marketplace, and the insurance my dad has is far superior to what I'd end up getting. So it makes sense for me to stay on my dad's insurance as long as I can (which unfortunately isn't much longer), even though I'm a grown ass married woman. He doesn't pay my co-pays or deductibles, nor is he responsible for my medical bills, so there is absolutely no downside to him having me on his insurance. My sister could get insurance through her employer, but if she doesn't take the insurance they pay her more, so she's on dad's policy too, and he encouraged her to do that.
It is a privilege at your age
It is a privilege at your age not a given. . Be sure to show Dad you are very appreciative and him doing this really helps you out
Agreed! My dad definitely
Agreed! My dad definitely knows I am appreciative of what he does for me. He's a great dad in so many ways - I know it and he knows I know it and am thankful for it. I'm constantly amazed on ST by the number of kids who don't appreciate their fathers. I was raised in an intact family, but I'm still surprised by the way many kids treat their fathers.
Actually... there can be some
Actually... there can be some benefit to the parent as well who provides the insurance because they get the benefit of their kids using (and paying) towards deductibles.. I know that when my SD had her baby a few years ago my husband ended up with free prescriptions for the remainder of the year. So.. their "can" be a benefit.. even to the parent or step parent providing it.
He is taking online college
He is taking online college classes, for what it's worth. And he does not otherwise have access to health insurance, and I think this has been the case since he turned 18, since he's only worked fast food and retail type jobs sporadically. I don't have a problem having him on our health insurance, since we do have our DSs on there as a family, so it doesn't cost us to have him on there. (Now whether we'll be ask to pay part of the bill for today's visit, I don't know.) What bothers me is that BM has no business being the one to handle the communication with DH about it as though SS24 is still a child. She has nothing in it. If SS24 was in such bad shape that he couldnt communicate about it, his DW could have contacted one of us. Furthermore, DH had already provided SS24 with the information a few months ago, so if he were acting as a responsible adult, he should have had it. Those are the things that really bug me about the situation.
That's right, didn't bm
That's right, didn't bm contact your husband to buy a laptop so he could do the onine classes?
Yes, exactly! Since DH's CS
Yes, exactly! Since DH's CS is over, we hear from her when SKs need $!
ay
You should be thankful you and your son live in an area where a 23yo young man can get a full time job with bennies, or afford college. Some people live in poor states and you are lucky to have a job(s) to pay the rent and bills.
My kids are in their 30's and have those types of job now but I preferred them to pay their way in the world at that age since it only cost me about 40 bucks a month with my job insurance.
My son worked his butt off in
My son worked his butt off in high school to EARN his CNA license. While it is not a glamorous job, it pays much better than barista or retail and the benefits at his hospital are outstanding and inexpensive.
I worked hard to save some for college for him and he works hard to pay for the rest.
Personally, I would never live in an area that I couldn't find a job that supported my needs and wants. That makes little to no sense to me.
I'm not sure where you are
I'm not sure where you are getting that my SS has a full-time job with benefits, as I clearly stated my SS has no health insurance otherwise, and he works "food delivery" service. And there is absolutely NO LUCK whatsoever in my personal situation. I grew up DIRT POOR in one of the poorest states in the nation, where I still reside. My dad had an 8th grade education, and my mother quit high school in 10th grade to have me at 16 years old. I was the first person to graduate HIGH SCHOOL in my family. My parents had $0 to contribute towards my college education and, quite frankly, didn't even know what college was. I earned my bachelor's degree with honors while working 3 part-time jobs, and went onto law school, where I graduated in the top 10% of my class. I had $37K in law school debt when I graduated 25 years ago, which I financed for 20 years and paid off in 17 years. My DH has a similar story. We've both worked our @sses off the past 25 years, working 50-60 hours a week and taking off only 5 to 10 total days a year for many years. We now own a substantial chunk in our very successful law firm with offices in several cities. We've earned every penny,. Not only did no one give us anything, but LUCK HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. The only "luck" in my life was meeting my DH, I think. Lol. All my best to you.
If the SS was vomiting (or
If the SS was vomiting (or being a big baby whining and moaning) whoever brought him in would be who the check-in desk would be trying to pry info from. Very likely when BM first texted she really knew not what was wrong with him..... he hadn't gotten pass check-in. I doubt BM had any clue at that point what was splattered all over social.
Unless a person is extreme or next to dead they don't get by the check-in. He'll, I've had them chase me with their clip board down the hallway requesting my co-pay while I am still on ambulance cart.
Anyway, I'd give her that one. But not the rest. Very rude to not have texted Dad back. And if Jr. Doesn't have enough sense to carry his insurance info in his wallet Dad needs to remind his son how old he is.
I do understand how those
I do understand how those things work, that they want the insurance info before they'll see you, but it's just a slap in the face as to how this was handled.
ALL of the BS with your SSs
ALL of the BS with your SSs is a slap in the face.
UPDATE: I just saw that SS24
UPDATE: I just saw that SS24's wife posted on social media more pics from their NYE party last night and stated how "wild" it was. I think this indicates that SS24 just had a massive hangover, as I suspected, and is going to make it. ManChild, indeed!
I'm not opposed to young
I'm not opposed to young adults being on their parents' insurance if they aren't eligible for their own - who wants their kid to start life with a 25K medical debt because they needed their appendix out? With our crap health care system, it's necessary.
That being said, this skid should be on BM's plan, not on your DH's. And the biggest question of all - who goes to the ED for vomiting and dehydration after a night of drinking? My guess is that was BM's idea.
ETA: And yes, stop being the go between and let DH text his kid or the wife if he wonders how he's doing. It's a small change in the dynamic that could be very important.
I agree, like father like son
We know where SS learned to have others handle things for him: your DH. He's not handling things himself, he's having you do it.
Yes, she handles everything -
Yes, she handles everything - organizing their vacations, getting their gifts. Stopping that would change the dynamic considerably, IMO.
Yes, I'm going to work on
Yes, I'm going to work on changing this dynamic. One thing that makes it hard is that OSS (SS25's) DW, initiates things with me, asking about vacation, parties for her DDs, etc. I'm fairly certain she's responsible for SS25 resuming contact with DH after about 5 years of alienation. BTW, DH did pick out & buy the gifts for SSs 24 & 25. I handled gifts for their wives and the 2 SGDs. DH also wraps all the gifts we buy for everyone, and I put bows on them (I tie my own with pretty ribbon. Lol.) so he does help.
The big change needs to be in DH communicating more directly with both SSs. Frequently when he texts youngest SS (SS24) there's no response, like he didn't acknowledge it when DH texted him a copy of our new insurance card back in the Fall. He regularly doesn't respond to a "how are you?" text. If not for occasions for us to give gifts or take them on vacation, I honestly think there would be no communication.
Well, you can tell SS25's
Well, you can tell SS25's wife that your new year's resolution is to let DH handle more things, and give her his number. (Fairly bold of her contact you to ask about parties and vacations that you guys pay for).
If he's married the insurance
If he's married the insurance is probably not valid.
It is, indeed, "valid." One
It is, indeed, "valid." One of the provisions of "The Affordable Care Act," enacted under President Obama, requires health insurance providers to make coverage available to dependent children until age 26, even if married. Plans cannot limit coverage based on financial dependency, marital status, enrollment in school, residency or other factors.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/ebsa/about-ebsa/our-activities/resource-cen...