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Anyone feel this way? It’s sorta crazy.

BlueDiamond1986's picture

Okay so this is gonna sound so crazy of me and I think it has to do with me having a social media problem in itself, but every time I buy a new shirt or one of my step kids has a new shirt or in this case (my SS got a new set of ties), I feel like we have to get a picture of everyone in their new outfits, including me. My step kids mother posts pics of the kids by themselves a lot, but I feel like I have to do that too if they have new attire. I mean, do y'all feel that way? Do y'all feel like y'all have to get a picture if you all have new clothes or if the kids do? Any advice? 


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Why do you feel like you have to do the same thing their mother does?  It would be a bit more understandable if their father felt the need to take pictures, but not you, the stepmom. Unless you are trying to compete with BM, which is no good. 

My advice is that you seek counseling to help with your huge lack of confidence and your need to question every little thing. 

BlueDiamond1986's picture

I guess it makes me feel like i'm their parent by doing it. So I should fight the urge and not worry about it? Is it weird for a step parent to do this? 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

But you are NOT their parent. It is weird for you to be so insecure that keep asking us the same questions. Please find a therapist who can help you work on your self-esteem and confidence.

If you have a great desire to be a parent, why don't you and your husband try to have a baby? Or adopt a child?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Hon, please read all of the responses to all of your questions that you posted under your previous name. The advice is going to be exactly the same. No, most people do not feel like they have to get pictures when they get new clothes - and you already know this.

My advice is to get a therapist and pose all these questions to them. Then do the work so you can quit letting these kind of things bother you so much.

Rags's picture

Over analysis leads to analysis paralysis.  Don't do that to yourself. If you like posting pics of yourself and your family in new outfits, do it. Why would this be a problem. More importantly, why would you worry about it or give it any thought at all?

IMHO the most critical question is why would you need to emulate your DH's X?  Don't do that.


She has nothing but his past. You are his now and together you have a future. Do not give BM any place in any of that. Leave her in the past. Where she belongs.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The problem in this situation is that the BM is not in the past where she belongs. OP has to hang out with her and her husband a lot, from what it sounds like. Excessively much and i don't think this is good for OP. 

Rags's picture

Time for them to make different decisions.

If there is a visitatio schedule in the CO, it is perfectly appropriate for OP and her mate to keep their SKid time separate from BM's and her mate's Skid time.

It is most definately not good for the OP.

You are absolutely right IMHO Rumplestiltskin.

ndc's picture

Nope, I've never felt the need to take (let alone post) pictures of either the skids or my DD when they get new clothes.  I used to post other pictures (such as a family trip or event), but I stopped posting pictures of the skids when BM complained about a picture I posted because she didn't think SDs outfit was appropriate. I rarely post on social media anyway, but now it is only pictures of my own child. 

My advice would be to cut way back on posting pictures of the skids.  They're not your kids.  Take the pictures if you feel the need, but there's no need to put them on the internet,  especially if it would cause issues with their mother. 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

The last ppl i would want on my socials would be the steps. I also dont believe in posting childrens pictures publically without their consent. Idc if they have new or old clothes, they cant dress and have 0 style although they have expensive taste so I wouldnt post them anyway. I dont follow the BMs and the steps and they dont follow me on any socials either. We have each others phone number but im blocked by their mother for no reason and so therefore I dont communicate with them and ignore their texts if they happen to reach out....

Its very strange that you and BM post your steps and their clothes on your socials as if they were fashionistas or models...weird

DPW's picture


Lifer33's picture

I feel like this is what modern society Is coming to and it really saddens me.

What does showing off on social media achieve exactly ? The ones that can afford lesser despise you and the ones that can afford better mock you? Is that what you aspire to ? My bad I'm on my soap box.

Im not adverse to sm, i guess. I just don't post many pics of my dd and ss .i had to check back.  Its moments of impromptu joy, or achievement. For example my dd kissing my brother ,her uncle on the nose over i dunno what they were brewing up lol, to mastering archery, or building a den, ss stroking a rabbit when he's sh!t scared of animals. I can't say it ever entered my head to brag materialism,  but maybe that's what the world is now?

Noway2b1's picture

Your relationships are unhealthy. I feel like you are in a toxic and controlling marriage and being forced to make happy with people you do not relate to in a healthy way. Please seek therapy ASAP.