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What should I do?

BlueDiamond1986's picture

So here recently my step kids have not said "love you" when I say it to them. They have been before, but here recently they haven't. We all get along great with their mom and her husband so I'm not sure if it's because of a loyalty thing or if they are getting older. SD is 9 and my SS is 6. Maybe they don't feel obligated to say it back? Should I back off from saying or keep saying it. Or just say "love y'all" to both instead of one at a time.  They don't say it to their step dad a lot either. 


Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'm saying this as gently as I can...

What you should do is Google therapists and counselors in your area and make an appointment TODAY.

You cannot ask us the same questions over and over and expect different answers. You appear to be trying to compete with BM and expect your step kids to view you like they do her. This is an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation. 

What you should be doing is talking to a counselor about all of this. I'm begging you. Please make an appointment TODAY. 

Evil4's picture

Did you used to post on here? Your posts seem very familiar. I think you worry way too much and second-guess your every move. Maybe find a counsellor who can help you explore why you question your every move with your blended family. You deserve to feel better than you do. Counselling works wonders. I've been going myself, so I don't take it lightly when I suggest it to someone else. 

advice.only2's picture

Wasn't this the OP who was always worried about posting pictures on Social Media and worrying that the mom would be hurt?  I'm getting AI vibes!

Aniki-Moderator's picture


MissK03's picture


Noway2b1's picture

Do yourself and those kids and any future kids you may have a HUGE favor. Please get counseling. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

and I don't mean that to come off as being mean, but you are going to drive yourself crazy thinking and questioning about anything and everything step life. It is great you care about your step kids and their feelings, but it sounds like you are over analyzing, stressing and obsessing on every little detail.

Try to relax and focus on other things going on in your life aside from step life. Your step kids have two very involved bio parents who you have posted get along great, so I would take the win and enjoy not having the issues many have on here with high conflict bio parents, a non-existent bio parent, a non-existent coparenting relationship, etc. 

ESMOD's picture

I think you should back off on your expectations.  

I agree that if these are real pressing issues that you are posting about in your life that you probably do need the counseling that people are suggesting.

These aren't your children.. they have two loving and involved parents.  You can help your SO care for his kids.. you can have a relationship with them.. you can care about them.. they may like you quite a bit but they are little kids and pressuring them to "love" you.. with all those declarations is probably super confusing for them.

It sounds like you are incredibly insecure.. that you need validation.. and want to project to the world your insecurities by getting a tattoo with a little kid's note on it.. that is not your child.. as touching as the note was.. kids are weird at times.. they say little touching things one moment.. then tell you they are going to be a pony when they grow up..they are not super introspective beings.. and you need to stop putting all that weight of expectations on their little shoulders.. if you keep on.. you are also likely to have an issue with their bio mother who will have to clearly point out your position is not mother of her children. 


floralsm's picture

I swear this is a person that used to post before asking q's like this. I remember one q about your new neighbour moving in and being female and asking us is it weird your DH added her to social media or something? My memory is stretching here. 
Also speak to a mental health professional about issues with insecurities like this. 

Thumper's picture

YES floral^^^^

I remember too.


AgedOut's picture

I don't remember her previous posts but I'll try to be as kind as I can be. 


They do not need to tell you they love you and by saying it to them all the time you may be putting pressure on them to feed your own needs and that's not fair to them, or to you. please back off, please fix you and focus on that. I'd hate to see your emotional neediness make them start to avoid you. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Everyone else is being nice but I'm going to be straight.

It sounds like you have undiagnosed or unmanaged OCD.

Obsessing over your step kids or any other human being to this degree is not healthy. The fact that you said that you also think that you have a social media addiction leads me to think you're prone to obsessive thoughts.

Please seek some professional help for your mental health. You're obsessive thoughts are not healthy and not productive. It sounds like your thoughts are completely consumed with your step family and how to be perfect. You can't be perfect and they are never going to see you is perfect. You need to direct your thoughts towards improving yourself and making yourself happy. I'm not saying to neglect your step family but if you're agonizing over every tiny little word that you or they are speaking it's going to get in the way of you living and enjoying your life. Seriously please. Get some help.

Felicity0224's picture

When you posted here in the past I put a lot of thought into explaining how therapy helped me when I was second guessing myself the way that you do. It's an exhausting way to live, I know it is. Please, please find a therapist who can help you. You will be so much happier, healthier, and free when you're equipped to quiet the noise of insecurity.

CajunMom's picture

Take the advice of everyone on this thread, your other posts, and your last screen name. Get yourself into therapy. You are not good for those kids nor are you good for yourself. I am not saying this to be hurtful or rude but your inability to cope on such small issues and your serious insecurity issues are going to cause you so much trouble in your need a therapist and a life coach.