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Was this rude of me?

BlueDiamond1986's picture

Yesterday we were all (me, my husband, BM, her husband, SS, SD9, and their baby sister from BM and her husband) eating after SS6's basketball practice. SD was playing the "raise your hand if" game. She said "raise your hand if you love (my nickname)". She raised her hand, SS and their baby sister did, along with my husband. I said "Aww y'all are so sweet." but didn't even think about saying "I love y'all too", because I do. I have told them I love them also before, but at that moment I didn't even think about it. Was this rude of me? A few minutes before that SD was telling her dad she loved him and he didn't really say anything and SS told his mom he loved her but she seemed annoyed and said "love you" because they were acting up. But anyway, was this rude of me? 


ESMOD's picture

I don't know if I would call it rude.. perhaps a bit insensitive to make that declaration in front of her mom?

But.. I would have been nowhere near that "blended" yours mine ours theirs meal... 

I think you have to be really mindful that if your situation is fairly amicable right now.. leaning in too much and being percieved as trying to really fill a "mom" role with another woman's kids could come back to bite you with that.

I'm not sayingyou can't love them.. that they can't love you..  but maybe not making a big deal of it in front of her would be wise.

Mominit's picture

If OP had said raise your hand if, that might have been over stepping. In this case SD asked the question. 

OP you answering "Aren't you all sweet" was genuine, heartfelt and low key. The answer I love you all too would have also been fine. But by saying aren't you all sweet, you showed them you were touched. You showed them their words have power (in this case to make someone happy). They didn't get a pat answer, they got genuine appreciation. I think that's great.

You've said it before, and will have opportunities to say it again.

ESMOD's picture

I think it would have beena little less of a risk to just stop at the "aren't you all sweet" but yes.. the child started the question.. so it's not wrong for her to "play along".. but the "I love you too".. I would probably try to stop short of that in front of her bio mom.. just in interest of not poking a jealous reaction.

Noway2b1's picture

Stop worrying so much about how you are perceived. If things are so chill let it be chill and stop second guessing. 

Winterglow's picture

Please excuse me if I'm wrong, but didn't you used to post here before, under a different name? I ask because it doesn't seem very common to get together with exes like that.

Noway2b1's picture

Age range with user name checks out too. Hence my response above. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Are you sure you are really into all this togetherness with BM and the skids? I wonder if these crazy questions are like a cry for help or if you need someone to tell you it's ok not to be. Most of us aren't ecstatic (ok, the idea makes us want to vomit) about having our partner's ex in our lives. Whether it be in person, by phone, text, or social media. You don't have to accept this if you don't want to. 

Rags's picture

Everyone was playing a young kid game.  There is nothing to second guess yourself over in what you shared.

Don't second guess yourself. Particularly over something so trivial and unimportant.

SeeYouNever's picture

You know what I think is crazy? The fact that both sets of adults that are remarried and have more kids had to sit down for a dinner like that. Seriously. Who the heck is the one suggesting you all go out to eat after a minor event like a game? I could maybe understand for a birthday but just a game?

My guess is one of you all (you, your DH or BM?) suggests you all do this together because they have something to prove or want to rub something in a rival's face.

So who is it that makes these things happen? The answer will be very telling. And if the answer is the kids you know they were probably put up to it by a parent.

Stop overanalyzing what you say at these events and start analyzing why these "family" dinners are happening in the first place.