I am certain I am doing it all wrong!!
I am new to this site and am hoping to gather some advise and gain some knowledge. I have been divorced for 3 1/2 years after 25 years of marriage, but estranged from my husband for a year before that. I got involved with a younger man about 4 years ago, whose kids were 9 and 11 when we met. I have 2 grown boys of my own and 4 grandchildren, so I have been through the stages of parenting that he is currently going through, but step-parenting is new to me. BM (baby mama) is toxic in so many ways - from threatenig my SO that she is going to "K my A", and so on! She continually tells the SS13 and SD16 that they do not want to come to our home any more - of which they have told my SO as much, because "I am mean to them," and they don't like that there are rules they have to follow in our home. BM acts as if it is a game and if the kids decide not to come here she will have "won!!" There are so many more instances/issues with this arrangement that I can not talk about all of them at once. Most recently, we made plans to attend my cousins' daughters' wedding and I had RSVP'd for 4 as it is on his PT weekend. Turns out, the high school homecoming dance is that same night and my SO informed me he and the kids will not be going to the wedding. After a pretty heated discussion about it, he informs me his kids will ALWAYS come first. At that point, I let it go and will be attending the wedding alone. I am angry about it and feel selfish for having these feelings. Not sure if this will be an isolated incident or if this will continue from here on out. BM has taught SD16 how to manipulate my SO into getting anything she wants and he feels bad if they do not have "fun" when they are with us. I am guessing I am not alone in most of what I am experiening. Just looking for some advise on dealing with it.