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Dramatic Texts from SD11

Dogmom1321's picture

Last week SD called DH to ask to stay a few extra days at BM. This is very typical and she makes it pretty obvious that she doesn't like being here and prefers BM. Recently she has even asked if she can go to school up there. Anyway, the "few extra days" pass and SD11 starts texting DH.

- My mom doesn't even treat me I'm a real person

- I hate her so much

- I thought I was coming over today, but she lies

DH didn't really feed into it and just said - "Well, I'm sorry you can't make it over today. We were expecting you tonight." He didn't touch base with BM about it and just let it be. 

Fast forward to the next day and SD comes over. DH asks SD what happened between the two of them. 

SD: "BM was just cussing me out!"

DH : "Well what happened?"

SD: "Everyone was going out to eat. I told her I was going to stay in the car instead and I didn't want to go inside. Then she told me to get my @ss out of the car! UGH. So rude!"

DH: "Well, you Mom is right. You can't just stay in a car by yourself. But she shouldn't have cussed at you."

**Me over hearing all of this and thinking to myself** I agree with BM on this one! SD is acting like a brat, and if I wasn't her SM I would have totally said the same thing. What a self-centered brat with no consideration for others!!!"

I know pre-teens are difficult, but SD just seems so dramatic. Hot and cold with BOTH her parents. Begging to go to BM a few days ago, then saying how much she hates her. SD mood changes so quickly and I'm sick of the drama. DH tried to explain to her that she can't just run from her problems. If something makes previous little angel upset at one house, she can't just run to the other. SD skull is so thick she doesn't get it. I wish SD would just stay there and keep the drama with BM. It's getting to be so old. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Most teen/preteen girls (and boys too but girls tend to be worse) will be as over-the-top dramatic as they are allowed to be. In some divorce cases, with the parents competing to be most-loved, or feeling guilty, there is not enough parenting to correct the behavior and it goes out of control. Same with a lot of behaviors and i think that's another reason why stepkids might actually be harder to deal with than bios. And if a stepparent corrects it, they are often judged very harshly (selfish and jealous are the words most often used) so that's one more person to tiptoe around the kid and create a little monster. It sounds like your DH isn't entertaining it, though, so that's a positive! 

Dogmom1321's picture

I knew the preteen/teen years would be hard... but I definitely think SKs are even harder! It also worries me that SD seems to have such unstable relationships with literally everyone in her life. Hot/cold with parents, "frienemies" with her peers, and just a total disconnect with other family members. It's bad to say, but I can see her being the girl that constantly breaks up and then gets back together with a guy even in a crappy situation. Because (right now anyways) she loves the drama and attention more than the relationships themselves. Eek!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

You mentioned previously that she's been diagnosed with ODD and ADD. I have no doubt she is more dramatic than most! 

JRI's picture

Sigh....some people just like a lot of drama in their lives.  I don't know if it's a mental disorder or just personal preference.  My SD59 is like this, I hate to tell you since you could be looking at decades of it.  Every illness or injury is life-threatening.  Any family discord and she's right there amping it up.  The "system" is out to get her so she's constantly calling banks, bureaucracies, her insurance companies, etc.  I've thought about it a lot and finally decided she finds normal life too boring so always stirs things up. It's tiresome, to say the least.

JRI's picture

Your DH sounds like he is handling SD in a very balanced way.  I agree, the drama is over the top.  I would be rolling my eyes, too.  You are doing well, letting DH handle things and keeping your comments to yourself.  I know from experience how hard that is.  Lol.

CLove's picture

Yeah - well SD22 Feral Forger was (still is) like that. Its a way of "playing the houses" against each other. And who knows what shes saying about you and your house. FF used to be so extreme, though and make many many accusations of abuse and all that. Made things up about things I said. Twisted and turned things against me.

I have decided to go no contact. Keep in mind this is your possible future with her!

Rags's picture

I do not recall this level of dramatic crap either as a kid or when SS was a kid.  Maybe because smart phones were not a thing, kids knew that they were to be seen and not heard, and lippy shit got a kid taken on a trip out behind the wood shed for a talk with the razor strop..

Too bad that era faded away.


Thumper's picture

RAGS..stikes again.

 *yes3* Its the bubble gum and sun glasses


LittleCloud9's picture

Children are natural born manipulators, at least that's what a therapist told me. She also said normally they learn from their parents that such behavior is unacceptable but being in multiple households makes it easier to avoid that lesson and continue childish behavior. The best you can do is stress accountability in your own home. It seems the middle school years are particularly difficult. I just wanted to bang my head against a wall when SS was going through those times.

Believe it or not it, things actually got better when SS got a little older. He's 16 now and way easier to handle. He sometimes starts to get a bit dramatic or self centered occasionally, but we refuse to feed into it and he drops it. We'll ask some pointed viewpoint questions sometimes to help him get some perspective. Kids take a lot of patience, it really is a marathon... 

Onanisland's picture

My SS11 tries to pit the houses against each other not by complaining directly about the parents but by saying things like 'it's hard for me to remember I'm allowed to have snack here because my mom yelled at me for eating a single almond!' So I say, 'oh dear. Well you live here half the time so try to remember we don't mind...'

'My mom says if I fall asleep with the light on even once I'll never be able to fall asleep in the dark ever again!''Oh really? I haven't heard that. Better turn the light out then.'

Whatever ridiculous thing he claims his mom said we just shrug and say well she has her reasons, have you tried talking to her about it? I told my SO I can imagine he's also managing to twist things we say To make us look ridiculous too. He's looking for the 'well that so typical of her' or 'I can't believe she said that!' But basically there's no drama if there's only a child moaning and being heard but not encouraged. I agree with little cloud that children will manipulate any situation that benefits them - they are still learning, growing, reaching emotional maturity. 

LittleCloud9's picture

I didn't see last time that you mentioned she was ADD. My SS is as well. May I ask if she is on medication for it? Our therapist told us drama can be basically addictive to kids with ADD because it provides the stimulation their brains crave. We have open discussions with SS about this pitfall and the need for him to actively guard against it. Although the drama may seem exciting, he can see the resulting stress is bad for everyone. It's helped to have regular conversations with him about self reflection and identifying negative tendencies so he can avoid self destructive behaviors. He is 16 now but we started talking with him about these things when he was around 11/12. Unfortunately you can't just will a kid to be a certain person, but I'm hoping we can encourage him to become a man who is willing to grow and improve himself when needed...

JRI's picture

I'm wondering if I can  use this slant with SD.  Thanks for your reply.

Dogmom1321's picture

She is "prescribed" medication. But openly admits to lying about taking it. BM doesn't enforce at all and DH is extremely lazy about following up with her. He will say things like "oh yeah, have you taken it lately?" 

IMHO, he should be watching her swallow it every morning, in the kitchen, no buts about it. She puts her pill bottle all around the house and DH has nothing to say about it. Sometimes she keeps it in her bedroom or her bathroom. 1. I don't think it's safe for her parents to not monitor her dosage. She could take the whole bottle and they wouldn't know! 2. The medicine is expensive as sh!t so what if she loses it?

Parenting F A I L on their parts. Once I *naively* tried to help out SD11. Asking her if she had taken it yet for the day. SD response was "I don't think I WANT to take it on the weekends." **Wipes hands clean** I'm DONE. My hands are tied if her bio parents don't monitor her medication. Take it or not for all I care then. I won't waste my breath any more even trying to discuss with SD. 

LittleCloud9's picture

Yeah there's nothing you can do if they don't make her take it. And in this case it's not like a Tylenol you take as needed, it needs to be taken on a regular schedule to really be helpful. I feel your pain on the cost for sure 

Cray 2

Rags's picture

We only had the struggle between the norm during SpermLand visitation and when SS was in his real and normal life for a few years.

We were engaging SS to be the age he was while the SpermClan was attempting to infantilize him.  SS learned fairly quickly that urinating and defecating in his pants was painful because the SpermClan would let him simmer in a loaded pull up for a day or more while in his REAL life with us he was not even in a pull up.  He was in underwear and used the toilet autonomously.  That poor kid would leave our home for SpermLand visitation a happy, clean, healthy, 80+% toilet trained communicating little boy and return home a stench emitting, bleeding diaper rash and puss filled butt welt suffering, grunting and pointing waif.

It was sad and infuriating what they did to that kid.