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Need guidance

Anonymousmarie's picture

So me and my SO have been together on and off for about 4 years we share a child together and have our own kids from past relationships. I have 2 he has 2 so we have 5 total. 

I love his children as much as my 3 biological but lately I've been looking at one of his kid and really wondering if the child's actually his.. 

Long story short when I met him he was divorcing his ex wife he told me that in order to try and save his marriage they agreed to have another child well shortly after that child was born she up and left took the kids with her and started seeing her highschiil sweet heart that she was cheating in him with. So now im left to wonder was she already pregnant and in order to cover up her cheating agreed to have another kid to pass it off as his... idk but this is really bothering me and I dont want to talk to him about it because I feel he has enough going in in his life. And they do have a bond and I don't want to destroy that but at the same time I don't feel it's right for him to be paying child support for a kid that isn't actually his..   so idk I feel better just kind of talking it out with strangers and maybe the right thing to do is just keep my mouth shut but idk.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Let it go. You won't be telling SO anything he hasn't already thought of himself. If he wanted to know, he would have taken steps to find out.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Let it go it will only cause more problems. I know in my state even if your not the bio if you sign the birth certificate you are responsible for that child even if later on it is determined the child is not biologically yours. 

tog redux's picture

If the child was born during his marriage, he is the legal father - and he would have an uphill battle to stop child support unless the mother agrees. Not to mention how it would disrupt his life and the child's. The time to challenge paternity is long past - I'm with the others. Let it go. Sometimes kids don't look like their father,  so that's nothing to go on. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I would let it go. In my state if they signed the birth certificate then by law they are the legal father.

hereiam's picture No good will come of it and he will not get out of paying CS. They were married, he is on the BC, he is legally the father. Just as importantly, he is emotionally the father.

I have always suspected that my oldest SD is not DH's. Doesn't matter, he believes that she is and even if she weren't, he would still consider her his daughter (even though she is estranged). My DH and the BM were separated at the time, so there is definitely a chance SD is not his. He does not care. He paid CS from the time of the divorce (when SD was a baby) until she was 18.

Yes, it annoyed me to think that he was paying CS for a child that might not have been his, but I just had to get over it.