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In-laws wish me happy birthday but not condolences

shellpell's picture

My mother passed away about a year and a half ago and I heard crickets from the in-laws. But they always make sure to send a birthday card or a birthday message on my birthday. WTF? I think telling someone I'm sorry for your loss for something as devastating as a parent's death is more meaningful than an obligatory birthday greeting. Just typing my thoughts out loud. I feel like messaging back, "Puzzled as to why I get birthday greetings but not one word of condolences after my mother's death." I don't think I should, but again, WTF? 

Comments

tog redux's picture

I'd agree that birthday greetings are easy and condolences are hard for some people (I don't get why, but it's so). 

Sorry about your mother - I lost my dad 3 years ago and I still miss him every day.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

I don't believe it's an intentional slight or anything like that.  I think sometimes people just don't know what to say.  For example, I have some friends I've known for decades.  They were my children's godparents that's how much I love and trust them.  They are like family.

The male half lost a sibling recently.  I was going to send him a card but no matter what I wrote it seemed empty and hollow.  Losing a sibling or a spouse is very profound.  I felt like there was nothing I could say to properly address such a huge loss.  I tried several times to write something in a card and it just didn't seem like enough...  But I was able to send that birthday card no problem at all!

I did speak with the female half and asked how he was holding up and sent my condolences through her.

Maybe sometimes people just can't find the right words.  It doesn't mean they don't care or feel for the bereaved.

Livingoutloud's picture

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother a year ago. If you think my DHs family say much, you are wrong, they didn't bother.