My Fiances 50 year old step daughter!

Help. I am marrying a man that has a 50 year old step daughter that is feeling threatened by me!

Details. I met him last year. His wife passed away 6 years earlier. The daughter of his wife has been in his life since she was 8..

Long story, but when his wife fell ill, they decided to see their home, and his step daughter and her husband sold their home. They all bought 2.5 acres with a large home on it, but he and his wife had to get another mortgage on a modular home they bought and moved onto the same property. after wife died he never thought he would marry again, so he used his step daughter to pay his bills and do all the business stuff for him, while she is married and her kids are around 20 and 22, his grandkids.

He has willingly made her dependent on his kindness for some reason, possibly she was the closest thing to his late wife, who knows, maybe afraid to be alone, since he has no bio kids of his own.

question now is. he and I are planning to buy a home together, he is listing the modular for sale. His step daughter is staying there while she plans to leave her husband on the same property in the big house! WTH

I am sure that he is planning to give her some money from the sale of the modular, instead of using it towards our future! am i wrong to feel he should keep it for our future?

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You should be able to talk to a fiance about anything.

He may want to help her. In that case, you may want seperate finances

Of course

she is threatened by you - her inheritance is going away soon!

More info please. How old are you, how long have you been together, is the BM still around? Do you have children of your own, do you two have children together???

As to rights, many are of the opinion that talking over finances BEFORE marriage is the MOST important conversation to have. Rights to his finances - well, I read in your bio that you are in California, therefore community property.

My husband and I both work, make same $$$ and have separate bank accounts. We split everything. My current attitude is "he pays his share, the rest is up to him". He pays child support, as well as spousal support. And has more debt than I do.

Does your FDH finacially support his DD?

RUNNNN!!

that is all.

This woman is his STEP

This woman is his STEP daughter? Are you certain their relationship is platonic?

NO!

I thought the same thing. I have a lot to post later. You guys can help me, i see that now!

OH!

Should have noticed that part.

Yeah, why is she so possessive???

More to this story!

Your fiance has been in her life almost 40 years

Your fiance has been in her life almost 40 years and they own property together. Do you know the circumstances of the purchase of the modular? Is there a possibility he does owe her money from the sale? You said he used her to pay his bills and handle business stuff - maybe there is a financial agreement that you are not aware of that exits between them. Has he been a father figure to her?

You need to talk to your husband about all of the financial details and consider a pre-nup.

It did read that he may have

It did read that he may have relied on her at some point to pay some of his bills.. and that means that perhaps there IS some money in this modular that she put up. I am curious what happens to any money the fiance put into the 2.5 acres too.. how that works out.

If he has promised her that he would repay her.. or that inheritance would happen.. you pushing to NOT give her money.. yep.. that clearly could be grounds for resentment on her part.

Financial counseling.. prenup for you both and common understanding of future financial goals and division of financial responsiblity.. alll absolutely must be done before you tie the knot.

More info

When the two couples bought the home, he and his wife had 100k to pur down. They had none. Since then she was introuble and he and her husband refied and took equity to pay her legal debts after she embezzled money from an employeer. I dont trust anyone that would do such a thing.. The agreement was when it sold it was 50/50 son in law dosent want to sell, my fiance wants to sell to move on with me, so he says!

Is this a financial move for

Is this a financial move for you. Getting married at this stage in your life thinking ,,,well maybe if hubby passes away before me, I am covered by my SSI and then his SSI?

Just keeping it real ladies.

I would check with a local lawyer who can go over what YOU need to do to protect what may be your largest asset--the condo.

Future hubby should not be financially supporting his step daughter--she is 50 for goodness sakes. What the heck? does SHE have on him.

My concern as well!

I am very confused

as they own the property together and the SD has taken care of the bills and business (per your OP) for several years. Of course she plans to keep her property. It's hers. She sold her home to help care for her mother and stepfather and co-owns the current property.

step father still working.

She hardly did much for the mom...

I didn't mention

him not working. You said that she was taking care of the bills and business, which is helping him out. Who knows what she did for her mom? There is no way to know at this point. Either way, her and her husband want to keep the property they co-own.

He isnt supporting her, but

He isnt supporting her, but he always wants to help her, she knows he will offer. If he gives her money we could use on our wedding and honeymoon, well that tells me all I need to know, right?

It tells you he will likely be supporting her to some extent

If you wanted him to spend that money on you, yep, you should bolt

If it's "his" money..it's his

If it's "his" money..it's his choice how he spends it... if he chooses to prioritize spending it on his stepdaughter vs his own wedding.. that is his choice.. you can see his priority.

Now, if you were looking at this situation as "gee.. this guy is pretty well off financially.. can't wait to have some of my own financial burdens lessened.. can't wait to start living the high life.." then you are going in with designs on wealth HE made and it honestly is his decision how that is spent.. and you shouldn't assume that you have a right to it.

I am not

Interested in any money he has. I own my condo outright, retired from the state. Pay my own bills etc. He makes more than me, but has no money in the bank Just a 401 k for his retirement.

So, is your concern that he

So, is your concern that he won't be able to pay his half of things related to the honeymoon because he will have paid things for his SD? is it worry about future bills.. that he won't be able to pay? or is it more his thin financial position... that you feel like you won't be able to meet financial goals you both want together if he continues to support her with money.

bottom line.. again.. financial counseling.. a prenup.. get on the same page of your goals.. and how you will both achieve them.

No ma'am

Too many red flags, and unanswered questions. You will be in a marriage where there is always a third-party, another woman. Yeah he wants to keep on helping her at your expense. I don't trust him either.

What a mess. The axiom Marry

What a mess. The axiom Marry in haste, repent in leisure seems apropos.

Nope, no way would I join myself legally to this man until he had straightened this out. His SD is going to perceive you as the bad guy either way, but I still wouldnt put myself in the position of having any business dealings with this criminal tick. I wouldn't want to associate with her, period.

I have a real estate attorney friend who married a man who let a relative put a mobile home on a piece of property, making them neighbors. It's been a nightmare for over a decade of people moving in/moving out, cops being called, obligations not being met, and my friend being caught between her H asking her to handle the legal side for him and being vilified for meddling. She has properties of her own, and is considering moving into one of her rentals just to get away from the drama.

Don't marry unless/until he gets his affairs in order and is ready to move forward free and unencumbered. Someone else suggested financial counselling, and it's a great idea. Otherwise, the juice ain't worth the squeeze with this man.

Remember State pension go on forever,

You will get a monthly check for the rest of your life. On a 401K you can run out of money. You need to visit a financial planer to get all this figured out. Get it down in writing. How much he is going to give SD. How much he’s going to have left to pay his monthly bills.

Is he going to have money for Vacations, for a new car when needed. What money he owes on CC or other things. Then how are you going to pay your bills. Equal or 60/40 ect. Don’t Wate until you are stuck, anybody with this all going on I would be careful

There has to be a reason he is working to 70. Like her has to

Visit a lawyer in your own

Visit a lawyer on your own and have him explain to you the relevant laws in your state. Pay special attention nursing home eligibility and whether assets can be protected by a prenup.

Realize that this guy has a forty year history with SD. His history includes time after her mom's passing. Many, if not all, of his assets were most likely acquired with her mom. And you have no idea what he may, or many not, have promised the deceased wife about their joint assets.

I mentioned lawyer once, and now again. This guy needs to visit a lawyer too. He needs to be aware of state law. He needs to decide what he wants to do about assets that were acquired with late wife.

Getting married at your ages can have unintended consequences if both of you are not careful.

This woman is effectively his

This woman is effectively his daughter, she's been in his life for 42 years. I don't get any of these suggestions that she's more than a daughter or that it's weird to give your daughter money?

My mom just gave all 4 of us 10K, to spend down. We appreciate it and she wants us to have money now and not wait until she dies. I totally get why he gave her part of the sale of the house. OP, if you aren't counting on his money, let him spend on his kid. Otherwise, IMO, you sound just like the greedy stepmother stereotype.

Now if he was supporting her every month that would be a different issue.

I understand

I am by far not a greedy person, but I understand you dont know me. I have been a generous helpful mother and grandmother, but he has admitted to cashing in lots of retirement perks to help her and her husband who is a paramedic!

My worries are that he continues to hurt his futures stability to help her. I do everything for him and will care for him through his last dying breath. we want a wedding a honeymoon etc. If he gives more money to this SD that dosent like to work, well its our future its hurting :{

Stop and Get Financial Planning ASAP

Do not marry until you have ALL financial info out in the open and discussed. IF your future hubs does not have the funds to take care of his needs (think long term health care) NOW or cannot control giving money to family which he might need later, DO NOT MARRY this person.

Love is great but it does not cover the realities of life. Get a pre-nup in place if you move forward that PROTECTS ALL YOUR ASSETS. Do NOT comingle funds.

You run the risk of taking of care of your future husband with your hard earned assets because he gave his away. It is a hard pill to swallow. Please think long and hard on this as it is very important at this stage of life.

^^^THIS^^^

I came back to suggest you meet with a financial advisor and run the numbers to see if you are better off married or not. Many older couples are choosing NOT to marry because financially they are better off if they don't.

Oh hell no!

She is a grown ass woman with kids. She needs to fend for herself...I'm sure she's not helpless. And besides...her kids can help out if she really needs the help. For her it's just easier depending on someone else and wanting hand outs. Although with you in the picture,all that changes for her. Yes, he was married to her mom but the property is his not hers and he shouldn't be obligated to help her financially at her age. I'm sure he will and there's nothing you can do about that but the money should really be saved for your guys future. Who's going to help you guys financially later if you need help...not her that's for sure.

OP I went back and re read

OP I went back and re read your postings...And then I fell upon this little gem.

You wrote;

Since then she was introuble and he and her husband refied and took equity to pay her legal debts after she embezzled money from an employeer.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your boyfriend, asked YOU to marry him. All the while he is draining his funds to give them to a crook?

My dear your boyfriends 50 year old step daughter may have pleaded out of this crime, paid restitution, did a few over nights in the clinker but I WOULD BET it was NOT the first time she was a thief. Of course I would imagine her case was all a total misunderstanding, she didn't mean to embezzle...barf.

Go ahead...marry him. Wait and see...and little by little ONE bit at a time HE will ask you to help her too.

Here is a piece of sound advise...Run her name and her hubbys name in your states and counties court data base. IF you cant find it on line...march to the court house and run every ones name. Print out what you find. Hell, I would run your boyfriends name too.

IF there are no priors other than her embezzling charge then at least you have the facts TO make a mature decision.

Ooh, I missed that. That

Ooh, I missed that. That changes my answer above!

I did that

I ran them and discovered her trouble. He has none. Works in police department as a livescan computer system guy. He would have probably never tols me about her crime. Thats another reason she doesnt like me, i know about her past.

Feral Forger

And your SD-by-association-only 'Bezzle Betty should go out for coffee sometime!

Sorry - thats not advice.

He and you will be joining finaces if you get married. AND he chooses to squander his money on this 50-year old crooked mooch.

Your future with him will entail you curtailing, but I would consider high tailing. Before she gets her claws into YOUR money, or you end up supporting BOTh yourelf and hubby. As I have gotten older, I have considered that my retirement may not happen because I started too late, but I have a great job with great retirement benefits. DH has none, but I am trying to get him to start, even though we are in our 50's. He is paying Child Support and Spousal Support, and will continue CS for the next 4 years and 9 months. Ergo, little to no savings.

Its a darn shame this shadow is hanging over you guys. Im sure hes nice, but is it worth it?