guys, i need your help
Forums:
what should be my role in my husbands life? Tell me what you want from a woman? Especially if you had a daughter? I know he loves me but i feel like im just for sex and his daughter is like his girlfriend. Im glad we share a good sex life but i feel he romances her and im taken for granted. When i go along with them i feel like a 3rd wheel cause they are so lovy dovy and close. I feel squeesed out. What would want your woman to know and feel in this situation?
"For my daughter ? I want a
"For my daughter ? I want a man for her that is willing to spend his life gathering stars from the sky for her...a man who will allow her to be herself, to spread her wings, a man who will encourage her to be the best possible person she can be, a man who will tell her not just that he loves her, but WHY he loves her, a man who will genuinely like her and always want whats best for her. While my daughter is gorgeous, I want a man for her who appreciates her inner beauty far more than her external beauty...a man who will love her with his heart far more than his eyes, because external beauty fades but love should not. If your husband doesn't love you like that, you're with the wrong man."
This bears repeating.
My 19yo has made unwise choices when it comes to BOYfriends. Of her latest, one expected her to be okay with him playing the field while she wasn't "allowed" to do anything with guy friends. Like study. Another? Was fine dating her during the summer, but didn't want to piss of his friend (b/f above) so refuses to be seen with her on campus. But has said he'd be fine with a booty call. EXCUSE ME???
I told her she can tell both of these BOYS that her Momma said she deserves better. She deserves to be wooed. She deserves to be treated with respect. She deserves to be adored. She does NOT deserve to be hidden away, or treated like a whore. And her Momma will come and kick their collective asses if they don't treat her right.
What all women should have is a MAN who treats her as described above.
The real question should be
The real question should be what do you want from a husband. If he's not giving it to you speak up and demand what you deserve.
Demand better for
Demand better for yourself...He has a mistress with his daughter, can you really tolerate that? Stand up for yourself and tell him it is gross and turns you off...Call him a pedophile and see what that reaction is. Maybe he will start to see what he is doing.
There is a big difference
There is a big difference between sex and romance and I don't think his daughter has anything to do with the fact you need more romance for him.
Yes, you need to speak up, how can he know what you want and need if you don't communicate it.
Also how old is the daughter, and how long have you been in the picture?
When I met my DH his daughter was 9. I was new to the dynamic. She felt insecure with me. It was easily visible. So I dealt with her insecurity, to make her more secure with the change in her life.
She is now 13, we have no issues. She knows she is his little girl and I am the love of his life. No competition. To very different roles. I accomplished this like a bull in a China shop. There was no doubt what I was saying or what I meant.
Your posting is very vague. Why do you feel like the third wheel?
I have communicated to him
I have communicated to him but he says im being jealous (which is true). I wish i had her position in his life. His agenda for her is what he lives for. Maybe im just not the kind of woman who can live with this. You have to be strong emotionally to live under these circumstances. I guess i need to go for therapy.
If you want him not to be
If you want him not to be close to his daughter you won't and frankly shouldn't get that.
If you want him to show you more love, respect or whatever else is lacking ask for what you need. When you approach him make it about specifically about your needs and what you are not getting instead of what she has that you want.
It sounds like you feel like you aren't getting the affection and attention you need. I've been there and it's no fun. I let my first husband ignore my emotional needs for years. I complained about the same things but didn't take responsibility for getting what I needed. Instead of saying I need for us to spend quality time together 2 times a week I said I feel unimportant or you always put my needs last or you never spend time with me.
Suggest a regular date night, where the two of you can spend alone time reconnecting. Offer to take turns planning it and plan the first one. Try to plan activities that make him feel special. If his plans are not as thoughtful don't get too upset. When he does make you feel special tell him.
It's not a big thing to ask of him. If he truly cares about the relationship he will try to accommodate reasonable requests. What he may not do is guess correctly at what would make you happy. You have to tell him and you have to be specific. Just make sure he is failing at giving you what you need and not at reading your mind.