Help with understanding my transgender step child.
I'm trying to understand the transition from step daughter to step son but I'm finding it really difficult even though I've worked with children for 31 years. When I first got together with my husband 8 yrs ago things were all good as a step family, all getting on together. Since the transitioning has been happening things have taken a downhill spiral. I've not had any contact or seen my step child for 2 yrs and my husband won't involve me at all in their relationship. How am I supposed to fix this if we dont spend time together. My husband and his child and his ex go to counselling sessions together but I'm not included in this so how can I learn to understand if not included. I don't get it.
- Sar cave's blog
- Log in to post comments
Comments
Try PFlag
https://pflag.org/
They might be able to help you better understand.
This seems it would be a huge transition for anyone. I can see only wanting to involve my parents - not extended people - in this.
The poor kid is going through enough. It’s great you want to be supportive. So I’d learn as much as I could and be ready to be supportive when needed. Until then, step back and let this young person find their own way with their parents (and keep in mind as steps, we aren’t true parents).
Also, what is there for you to fix? This is someone else’s personal journey. So I don’t get that last statement.
I agree with the suggestion
I agree with the suggestion of checking out pflag and the question about what is there to fix in your relationship.
I also don't think it's a matter of understanding. You don't need to figure out why it happened or how they're feeling that's on the person. Your role should be empathy and support and sometimes that means taking a step back and giving them time to process.
What needs to be fixed?
Was there some sort of issue or lack of support that happened that would you lead to there being problems?
My daughter has a friend who is transgender
She asked if her friend Ash could have sleep over. I'd always known Ash as Ashley. and then the next thing I know my fourteen year old daughter has a boy over spending the night in her room. At first I was going to go all mad parent on her and then I could recognize Ashley in Ash and it occured to me that the little girl from up the street was now a teenage boy and I allowed it. I figured yes indeedy, he has enough on his plate just being trans and in middle school and trying to navigate his body and relationships.
My youngest DD's friend
"D" spent the weekend a couple of weekends ago. D is FtM. Friendly kid, we had a good weekend. We had a couple of comments about a boy spending the night but I had the same thoughts you do. Kiddo has enough going on without being told he can't have a sleepover with a good friend.
What is FtM?
What is FtM?
Female to Male
Female to Male
Is there a reason you haven't
Is there a reason you haven't seen your step child in 2 years? What is there to fix? Like was there a falling out when stepchild first came out?
I found that documentary
"Growing up Trans in America" to be very interesting and eye opening. It was on PBS. It would at least give you an idea on what the kid is going through and the parents too so you can support your husband and your stepchild if and when it's your turn to be supportive