If you're expecting your husband to cut his kids out of his life,you will probably lose. But, it's not unreasonable to ask for boundaries.

1)they don't want to be around you? Fine, then they don't need to be in your home, and your husband needs to issue that notice.

2) they don't want you in their home? Fine, your husband will visit them without you, but never on a holiday. Those will be spent with you. He can celebrate with them another day, but never the holiday.

3)make sure you get a loving will for your husband regarding medical care if he is unable to decide himself.

4)make sure you're covered financially in case of your husband's death.

Of course you may hang an 'unwelcome' sign on your front door. You 'owe' grown brats nothing. Certainly not a free pass on behavior. Why would your DH even think his adult children should be allowed to exclude you from their home and activities but expect you to include and welcome them into yours?

You need to sit down and discuss with your feelings. There's no reason these children get to treat you disrespectfully. None. His Christmas dinner needs to be at home with his wife. Sure, his obnoxious children can invite just him for dinner the weekend before and he can decide if he wants to go or not... but he has no business leaving his wife home alone on holidays.

He can't make them invite you to their homes for birthdays. Frankly I wouldn't want to go where I wasn't wanted. But he'll have to decide if he runs over for a few hours himself or skips the invite. Some men refuse to go if their wife isn't invited and see wives demand their husbands should not go if wife isn't welcome and included too. I'm not going to advise you on how you or husband should feel/do on that one.

The main thing IMO is that he respects your feelings in our own home. That the two of you as a couple moving into our later years be first importance together as a priority. They have their own busy lives and families. They need to realize Dad and you have your own life together and are now each others primary concern.

If you are not welcome in their home then they should not be welcome in your home. If they don't want to be around you then I doubt that they would come to your home anyway.
If they want to see your husband let him go to see them. It's sometimes good to have some alone time.
I am with the others on the holidays. His should spend the holidays with you.

My adult skids are banned from my home. DH sees them elsewhere which is fine with me! Never on holiday thought. Neither he nor they make much of an effort to see each other. I always did all that arranging. No more. Ignore them and don't let them in your home!!

You must be feeling very hurt. I think you should take steps to get things in order so that you can leave. No need to actually leave, but you will feel a lot more confident if you know you can.

Then read on the adult children forums. Specifically posts by StepAside, shesdrivingmecrazy,and skeeter. These women have been through variations of your situation, and have explored different choices.

Also read comments by notasm. She doesn't blog much and married later, but also has an adult skid.

First create your own happiness. Then see if your husband plans to share in it with you.

Keep your dh..plan you lives without them...put them in their proper place, and be the example of what freedom looks like....Live life full throttle....If having their acceptance is the "key" to your happiness....then get a new key......peace.

Do you have any kids of your own? If your skids were always a pain, why would you want to be around them? Are they married? Are some of the issues more of mother in law issues rather than skid issues? Sometimes having skid in laws can change the whole dynamic for the negative. I am not judging merely curious.