Family Supporting Skids Behavior
Does anyone else have an issue where DH's family is so afraid of Skids and BM that the family turns a blind eye to toxic behaviors? The family is aware of what they're doing because the statements have been made that they don't think anything should be addressed because then they won't be allowed to see Skids (BM has done that before). My DH's family has been great to me and DH over the years but over the last few months they have seen first hand the horrible treatment of the Skids to me and my DH. We have addressed the treatment of the skids as gently as possible with them when it occurs and we witness it ... skids rude treatment always in front of others where they think we won't say anything. We also know that skids are talking very badly about us behind our backs (prior post) we haven't addressed yet and are waiting for the right time.
My DH confided in his family about the skids behavior and bad-mouthing us behind our backs so they are aware of the tension. His family knows that this treatment is because my skids are angry that we got married (it's been years now but they are recently angry about it because of stories BM has recently concocted). We were at my MIL's home for a very small gathering recently and we felt like strangers. Skids didn't speak to us and DH's family picked up on this and had private conversations with backs turned and we felt so uncomfortable. We graciously said our goodbyes and they looked shocked that we were leaving (after sitting for 2 hours with no one talking to us in the same room and when we tried to participate in the conversation they looked at us and went back to their private conversations without any acknowledgement). I thought my MIL would contact my DH to see if he was ok but still nothing. My DH said it will be a long time before he goes back. I told my DH I am willing to completely back off of his kids and his family so that he can have a relationship with them. He said that's not acceptable... He said my kids and I are his family too and we do not need to be excluded because of my skids suddenly being angry that we are married. DH is going to address things privately with his kids and his family but I really don't know where to go from here.
Please share your thoughts!
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Yes, it seems fairly common
Yes, it seems fairly common on here for grandparents to throw their own kids under the bus to keep a relationship with their grandkids, when a high-conflict BM is involved.
Yes, yes, yes!! When the
Yes, yes, yes!! When the skids both PASed out, my ILS suddenly became BFFs with BM. Who they hated prior to that. They now spend holidays together, vacation together, yada yada, and DH no longer speaks to his parents becasue they run their mouths about every aspect of our life AND have sent the very clear message that it's perfectly OK to pretend DH doesn't exist- they'll continue to spoil them rotten with money, gifts, vacations, etc. to stay in their lives. And YSS isn't even DH's! This is MIL, FIL, AND even SIsIL. They're quite the dysfunctional bunch. Good riddance.
We have addressed the
And here is the problem. Rather than addressing the treatment gently it is far more effective to address it aggressively, publically and with zero tolerance.
Not only address the Skids behavior directly but also the IL clan and their turned back conversations. Bare ass with the facts. And tolerate no bullshit. It is amazing how this kind of crap disappears when you put a spot light on it each time it happens... in real time.
If you have a DH who is
If you have a DH who is supporting you and addressing the inappropriate behavior, you are one very fortunate lady....
You will resolve your problems together, one way or the other and live in peace.
Yes I’m dealing with this too! Very hard to deal with
Oh this has been so hard for me too! My MIL died last year but not before she instilled in my SD23 that she was in charge and my husbands 5 sisters do whatever their mother wanted now too...