Sunday Nights at Our House...
:? Well, I signed up to this site bcause i seek help or any advice anyone can give me. I have been with my partner for over 5 years and she has a son from a prior marriage. Which i was cool with, i like kids. When i was at a young age all i had was my Mother, then she remarried and i had a s.d, he was an alright Dad, love the guy. So being with my partner and accepting the fact that when i got with her she had a son and i told her that her son would be treated as if he was my own. ... i didnt realize at 23 yo what i was getting myself into... :? It has been a battle with that child. At first i was lettibg things slide giving it the benfit of the doubt. He was just going to need extra tlc.. sooo naturally over the years of trying to get him involved in sports (btw i wasted hundreds of dollars on classes ..practices he didnt want to go to) tried to bond with the kid.. fishing trips.. shopping.. spending time as a family.. i know its probably hard for him to deal with alot of things with his life.. and hes not that bad of a child just sometimes he is just too damn much.. but please someone give me some advice.. i just want to be happy with his Mom and him..
He is 13yo and he stays with my partner and I as of 2mos ago, but before that he lived with us full time for the past 6 years... during the week and on the weekend he stays with his bio father. 2 mos ago his real father put up such a fuss about wanting to raise his own son, and how my partner and i couldnt raise a boy into a man..(btw this is coming from a human that cannot hold a job for more thn 3mos. and lives off his mother that is ill...how fucking lame is that??) Nehoot..my partner and i talked about it, and gave the bio father a chance to finally be a father to the child. And i swear 2mos. later we get.a phone call saying that he cant deal with his sons drama..and that he is just too much too handle and to come pick him up. When we got there all his things were picked and he was ready to go.
And now 2mos here back home he has been very disrespectful. Cursing at his Mother calling her out of her name. Not wanting to go to school at times. Not wanting to wear apporiate clothing to school. Will not do anything you ask of him unless you promise to buy him something. If i say dont do that, i have to say it about 5 times before he gets it by that time im sooo irraittated with him i dont want to be around him. Have to continously tell him to do anything..take out the trash..pick up his room, which he doesnt his Mom has to do it... That really pisses me off.. it makes me sooooo mad when he talks back to his Mom ..tells her to fuq off, shut up, go to hell, and just has no respect for her at all, only if he wants something. He is only in a happy mood if we are going out and doing something.. he hates staying home and throws the biggest fit. But when i put him in sports he didnt likethat either. And since he goes on the weekends with his father when he comes back he is very disrespectful and that goes for about a good 3-4 days then for one day he is such a good kid to get along with. Then he is off to his dads and the cycle begins again. This has been an on going cycle from my stepson for about 5yr now. I hate Sunday Nights at Our House.
Can anyone break this cycle?? sheesh, im exhausted..
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Does he have a cell phone? An
Does he have a cell phone? An x box? A wii? Think about it.
Sounds like his father's
Sounds like his father's absence has taken a bad toll on the kid, his father taking him then giving him back probably screwed the kid up and now Everytime he goes over there he comes back to u and takes out all of his hurt and anger on u two. Understandable yet completely unacceptable. Time for some grave consequences!! Do not let him black mail you!!! Or your wife!!! All that is doing is teaching him to walk all over you and that in life that he can do the same. It will make him think he can walk all over his boss, teachers, friends, ect and to never do anything out of kindness. Only to do things if he's getting something from the person/ out of it. It is teaching him that manipulating ppl at their expense just so he can get what he wants is ok. It sounds like you need to put your foot down as the father figure (bc obviously his dad isn't teaching him anything but shitty life skills otherwise the kid wouldn't be so screwed up- no offense..) Is your wife ok with you disaplining your SS? I'm not saying spank him. But I would!!! Lol. I'm saying take EVERYTHING but his mattress and blanket out of his room, take his door, take all electronics, tv- the next time he disrespects one of you. Make sure your wife is ok with this prior. Explain to her the things I said and that if SS continues down this path that he is going to end up in jail one day for his ways. It's better now to put him on complete LOCK DOWN and whip him into shape rather than him to grow up and end up a horrible loser that refuses to work for anything and uses people for his benefit. Put him in a kinda boot camp at home. Explain to SS why these consequences are happening and what he needs to do, change, improve inorder to get them back. If it were me, I would also take him to a homeless shelter that way he can see how good he has it. Make him do community service to help teach him that doing things for people out of the goodness of your heart and not expecting anything in return will help build you into an upstanding citizen and an honorable man. Also, for you make sure you have some compassion and understanding for the kid. He is only doing this because he is hurting for his fathers love. I really feel if you do the things advised you will see a whole new SS and help him become a good person. It will also benefit your wife and you to do these things with SS that way you can bond in a whole new way. Good luck and keep us posted!!
Also SS is obviously not into
Also SS is obviously not into sports, right? So I would stop trying to ''push" it onto him. Find other things he likes and try doing those things with him. I taught my SS some magic tricks, he thought it was Sooo cool. So now we do that together. SS didn't care for sports but I got him to like karate and now he thinks he wants to grow up and teach other kids it. We practice together. Figure out what HIS hobbies are and the ones that you will enjoy with him as well, give it a go. He may just be being a stubborn brat and just not doing the sports bc you like them. It's just another way of him showing you that he's going to disrespect you. SKids tend to say/act like they don't like something just bc us sparents like it. They r brats like that.
"Cursing at his Mother
"Cursing at his Mother calling her out of her name"
His mother needed to box him in the mouth that very first time and it would have NEVER happened again. Now you have someone who has pushed boundaries and gotten through. Mom needs to stand up for herself.
Does mom encourage you to parent? Does she over ride you when you stick up for yourself to him? Have you and your wife talked about what she should be doing when he acts like this? She needs to stick up for herself.
As far as your efforts, stop now. Don't try to be close to him. He's pushing away there is no point in you putting yourself out there. Its just causing resentment. Every time I would do something helpful for SD16, it seemed like she would turn around and do something that was disrespectful or dismissive of me. I called it quits on that one. I'm leery of doing anything for SS12 for that reason.