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DH dropped a bombshell last night!

FrustratedAng's picture

DH and I were talking last night about his plans with SS10 and SD16 for next weekend, Then BAM! - DH told me that once SD turns 18 (1 year and 1 month from now) he would like to fight for custody of SS. He said that he is scared that SS will turn out like SD if he stays living with BM. He said that he doesn’t like the person SD is and is embarrassed of her. He admitted that he is partly to blame for how SD turned out and that’s why he gets so defensive when we talk about her, it makes him sad to know that he helped her become what she is today. He also said that because she’ll be 17 next month that he feels he can’t do anything to help her until she realizes how she is and wants to change. I have fully disengaged from SD since earlier this summer, we don’t say a word to each other. The girl is a lying, manipulative, mean bully, she steals, she lies, and then she cries hysterically when she is caught and punished.
SS has always been a little different/weird. He’s very immature. He has no school friends, only family friends and they are all quite a bit younger. He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he’s not dumb either. He now shares a bedroom with his grandmother at BM’s house and he is super excited about it. All he talks about is sharing a room with her. I can imagine this isn’t helping him make friends at school either.
I’d rather SS didn’t live with us just for selfish reasons but I agree with DH that it would probably be a better situation for SS, so I won’t stand in DH’s way if he pursues this. We’ve never looked into getting custody before and I’m wondering would it really be a battle or does the judge just allow what the child wants since he’d be 12 at that point? Also, just to point out BM isn’t a terrible mom or anything she just isn't the nicest most reliable person; DH just thinks that SS would do better in our home rather than hers.

Comments

overit2's picture

See the only problem with this is that it IS a major life changing event....they shouldn't just 'drop the bombshell' about something this big on their wives....it should be a decision made TOGETHER>.....

If anything his approach should be, hey i'd like to go for custody of ss, but i know this affects your life as well and we should both be on board and discuss all that means together, so lets think on it and i want your very honest opinion and thoughts on this.

NO respect!

Auteur's picture

((((like))))))

I agree. . . . looks like HE'S already decided FOR you. Not good.

I love the dichotomy. Here these guys are tip toeing around the BM and wouldn't DREAM of making a decision without her knowledge and consent, yet when it comes to us SMs, we are told after the fact. GGRRRRRR!!

Jsmom's picture

Why wait? Sue for custody now. Chances are he will get it. Read my blogs. We just got full custody of SS13. BM knew she couldn't win, since SD was so out of control. She was determined to keep her. The longer you wait the more damage is done. In the three months that we have had SS full time, he is doing remarkably well. Grades are up, social skills are better and he just seems happier to be away from the drama at BM's.

Willow2010's picture

. We’ve never looked into getting custody before and I’m wondering would it really be a battle or does the judge just allow what the child wants since he’d be 12 at that point? Also, just to point out BM isn’t a terrible mom or anything she just isn't the nicest most reliable person; DH just thinks that SS would do better in our home rather than hers.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I don’t feel this is near enough for a judge to overturn a CO. Unless the boy REALLY wants to live with you…I doubt it will happen. Even then…it does not happen just because the 12 years old request it.

ThatGirl's picture

I live in constant fear of this happening to me. SD18 and SS19 both bailed on us a couple of years ago. We had all 3 skids 50/50, but the two older ones figured out real quick that they had rules at our house, yet none at BMs, so off they went. One's a high school drop out. Both are druggies and thieves, and major disappointments to their father. I'm afraid at some point he'll realize that SS14 is probably headed in the same direction, and want him with us fulltime. If we could have done it three years ago, when he might have still had a chance, I may have been OK with it. Now? I honestly don't see any way to undo the damage that's already been done Sad