My step son is pure evil in a small package

Let me just begin by saying that I have been looking for some place to vent about this evil little boy for over a year- I don't know how much I can take. We are a blended family, my son 10, my daughter 3 and her son 4. We are hoping to marry soon but I must admit that I am starting to doubt that it will happen. On more than one occasion her son has driven us to the brink of breaking up. He is a manipulative, arrogant, smug, dishonest (a liar born if I've ever seen one), spoiled, rude, obnoxious, attention starved, evil little boy. His mother, aunt, grandmother and great grandmother are mostly to blame- his deadbeat father (which my fiancee constantly over compensates for and when he does show up- broke as always- they are way too friendly for my taste) is the blame for the rest. They have convinced this boy that he is the center of the universe. He lived the first 3 years of his life without consequences for his actions- just praise- slobbering disgusting praise and gift showers just because its Tuesday. Her whole family is this way- my fiancee is a spoiled brat herself- it wasn't long before it became evident to me that this was their parenting style. I feel awful for saying this but I loathe this little boy. Countless occasions I wouldn't go to my own home until I knew she put him to bed. When they first moved in- he wanted to sleep in the bed with us every night. Well I wasn't having any of that- so every night became a kicking and screaming fest back to his bed. Then upon meeting my kids and having my kids welcome him into THEIR home, he promptly breaks two of my son's favorite toys purposely- to which as always my fiancee gives him a canned excuse when I asked him why he would do such a thing. I knew why- he's a self centered smug little jerk, he thinks no one should have anything but him. So when I started making him sleep in his bed by himself, I'm greeted with screams and "I hate you!!!" to which I wanted to say "I hate you too you little...". Then when I would come back to bed, I am greeted by her judgmental stares and excuses for why she has let a a child run her life for the last three and a half years. No matter what he do, she'd cover for him, rationalize his behavior. But let my daughter get cranky, she turns into half an Ike Turner. Attention is his drug, her and I haven't been able to have a full conversation around him in over a year. He interrupts constantly just because the idea of his mother not focusing on him- and even worst the idea of his mother focusing on me- is unbearable for him. He never even has a legitimate question or statement- he just makes things up on the fly just to interrupt. We could be talking about the grocery list and he'll go "Mommmmy? Umm ummm umm, wish I could have three legs" and she'll go "thats nice dear, just one minute" and she'll try to finish her point and he immediately go "Mommmmy? Umm uummm ummm I have two thumbs, did you know that?" I swear I could scream sometimes. He's smart for his age, which is what makes him so evil. To retaliate for having to detach from his mother's leg at night, he starts peeing in bed...on purpose. I know what you are thinking- how could I know that? It seemed to me that he would always pull something crazy whenever he could feel his mother shifting more to what I would suggest to her about him, so it started with him pissing on the bath room floor- literally right in front of the toilet. After a year or two of mastering his functions, all of a sudden he couldn't find a toilet right in front of him. So after hearing me tell his mother that I knew he was pissing the floor purposely for attention (Oh, I forgot to mention that he ease drops on our conversations at night long after he should be in bed, caught him like a zillion times)he all of a sudden has a bed wetting problem, despite getting out of bed 3, 4 times a night to pee. So eventually, he hears my say the same thing about his bed wetting and graduates to pissing on the bedroom floor and pouring water on himself in the bathroom and telling us he peed himself. Just recently I go outside to get something from my car and the brat purposely locked me out the house because I told him to he couldn't come outside. But the thing that is bothering me is he lives to agitate everyone, including me- my patience is almost gone. Its always him, his name over and over and over, "stop, sit down, be quite, leave her alone, leave him alone, eat your food, stop screaming, stop talking". And the lies- he is evil personified. He tells about 20 lies a day, every squabble with the kids, he's the common denominator, heck- every squabble between his mother and I, he's the common denominator. I could make this into a book- I've told maybe a tenth of his issues. Truth be told, I could handle it- he's just a child, but the infuriating thing for me is how his mother rationalize everything he does. She jumps all over my kids but her little prince gets a pass on everything. He talks to her like she's the child, he refuses to let her have a spare moment to work or relax (then she tells her girlfriends that my kids and I are holding her back!! She doesn't know I know this but the next time she dare speaks of a wedding she'll know I know). Someone help- its hard to admit but I hate this boy!!! I don't know if I can marry his mother- I love her more than any woman I've ever known but she's the mother of Damien Hellstorm the Prince of Lies

Mr.Fedup's blog
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Welcome to the site! I just

Welcome to the site! I just read your blog and I am terribly sorry you're going through this. The hardest thing about blended families is: the parents' views & a common denominator in child rearing beliefs & the "united front." Love is a great thing to have, I get it. However my own views as a step mother are a little more hard-lined than my DH. The site will give you lots of room to vent, get support & navigate through step parenting. First and foremost? You absolutely must attempt to have the conversation with your fiancee. If you two cannot agree on parenting that busy little boy?
You can expect one of 2 things to happen: you break up or you learn to disengage from that child.
The big question I think of is this: how does this child affect your children? Are they seeing the difference in parenting expectations? Do your children even like this child? Has this child been evaluated for some of these issues? *Sigh* I am patting you on the shoulder; I don't envy you. I would strongly suggest staying on here & reading the other bloggers' topics. They might be helpful and then you know you're not alone, my friend. I found this site after about 3 weeks of time with my SS13; who was visiting for 6 weeks during the summer. It was a relief to know I wasn't alone in how I felt & I learned a lot here. As for the darling SS13? He's back home 3000 miles away, living in his world with his dysfunctional alcoholic mother. As for my DH? He's 300+ miles down in southern CA while I'm up north visiting family. Don't know if I'm going to stay married; don't really care.
Love my DH? But I made it very clear that there would be an understanding of expectation; communication is the key! So..we shall see...I wish you luck & finding the wisdom to navigate through the stormy waters of a blended family. Keep us up to date!

Thank you so much for the

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and the advice- I really, really needed a place like this to blow off some steam. Believe me- the subject of her son is an ongoing subject. The things is, like you suggested, we do have different parenting styles. Her's is more of a "a childs behavior is a symptom of not being happy or expression of feelings" at least for HER child thats what it always is. Me, I was raised old shcool, where you didn't have an opinion at 4 years old, there were consequences for your actions if you were told before that they are wrong and you showed adults respect. Too many times I when there was a conflict between he and I, steming from his behavior, she treated ME like the child and him like the adult- underminding me and correcting me in front of him. This was "the game" between us for a long time. He would do things jsut to play us against each other- like I said, the little jerk is smart. He's ver perceptive- he figures out peoples buttons, then he pushes the hell out of them. He figured out early that he could just do awful things and his mother would give him his exscuses. He also figured out that this infuriated me and would cause his mother and I to argue. After one particular day at the mall, it was just the three of us. He clowned the whole day at the mall just so he could play us against one another. He watched with glee as I told him to "straghten up" while his mother looked at me like I was the one with the issue. So of coures, after an afternoon of her sticking up for him and shooting me those damn judgemental looks- we end up arguing. After we were done, the little prick was happier than I've ever seen him. I was standing in my dining room, clearly distraght- and disgusted as I hear him and his mother conversate, her showering him with pet names and him nearly sqealing with joy. Then he comes into the dining room, looks at me, seeing I'm upset- and the little prick smurked at me, like he was saying "gotcha you big dummy". I swear steam came out of my ears. I've decided that I will disengage from him until I decide what to do about his mother and I. I hate to admit it, but it don't look good right now. I mean she's bad enough at times- honestly jus from her crap she's lucky I held on to her this long. I've attempted several times to end it with her which resulted in her baracading me in the house and pleading with me, but at the same time she tells her girlfriends she's not sure she can deal with MY kids. My daughter can be a bit of a brat at times- normal kid stuff like crying and being defiant. But her soon trumps her there PLUS he's a trouble staring manipulator. It got so bad that my kids told their mother that they didn't want to come to my house anymore. They got tired of him destroying their things, tattling on them (most of time lies he makes up to hide something he just done to them), crying about every little thing to get his mother to come running- its a damn mess. Please wish me luck and keep the good advice coming.

Have you tried discussing

Have you tried discussing these things with your SO? Do you communicate regularly?

Everyday- period. We talk

Everyday- period. We talk about this hell spawn everyday. My kids are only here half the week, so he's the only child here several days a week. When he's by himself, he won't allow us to talk- instead of doing the work she so desperately needs to do from home, she sits on the couch with him 2-4 hours a day watching cartoons- then she has the nerves to blame me (behind my back) and MY kids when they come over as the reason she never gets anything done. When my kids come over, he's a constant trouble starter- he hates the idea of now having to share his mother with other children. My kids are nowhere near that insecure about me- and at first, they liked her. Now my son can't stand her- she's stood up for her son too many times without knowing the truth abou the conflicts. When I met her, she was broke with 2 clients- the only time she could do anything was when he was at daycare. From the moment she'd pick him up to the moment he went to sleep, the day was ALL ABOUT HIM. When she moved into my house, her career took flight because I was there to put an end to that. Everything I've said about him is his resistance to not having his mother as his slave/clown/cook/dancing bear everyday (she still is, but now its a lot less than before). Most of you are right SHE is the problem- but for now, I'm stuck with both of them until I start my new career in the new year. I know that sounds ill, but eff it- I'm engaged until I can afford not to be as of now.

Yes we do- but its always a

Yes we do- but its always a difficult conversation. She can't handle the truth about her little prince. I'm no day at the beach, I know this- I can lay it on thick when I'm upset. But I doesn't matter if I'm as gentle as rain or I come on like a hurricane- she gets upset because she's way too emotionally involved to see the boy for what he is. He thrives in this zone of hers- always trying to be "cute" for her (the little prick is a natural charmer- I feel sorry for any women he ends up dating in the future) which she falls for. I once found out accidentally that she was planning to leave because she was tired of "arguing about my son". She thought she was coming into money soon and was ready to write me and my kids off like we were nothing. I found out and I told her basically "theres the door chica"- but then the begging to stay began again. Financially, things will be improving for me considerablly in the new year. She knows this- she thinks I am about to support her as she chases her dreams, and pay for a wedding. If she's still here in the new year, I will just remind her of all the things she told other people that she didn't know would get back to me. If she had money and a place to go, she would left long ago to keep raising her boy her way. What I think I will do is tell her to go for it.

Welcome Mr.Fedup. You're not

Welcome Mr.Fedup. You're not crazy and many adults have gotten dragged down this path before you. I just quit the path. My ex-bf's son is almost 14. He still pees the bed and oh, it's just too much work to lift the lid on the toilet or aim!

Any complaint about the boy from anyone (me, school, family, acquaintances) was always met with a multitude of rationalizations, excuses and outright lies, by his father. Like father, like son, Baby Huey (BH) had multitudinous rationalizations, excuses and outright lies for his misbehavior too.

As much as BH disgusted me, he was behaving in such grossly inappropriate ways because his father allowed him to do so with NO unpleasant consequences. Most parents with their heads on straight reward proper and good behavior and at the least, make inappropriate behaviors uncomfortable for their children. BH was often rewarded for inappropriate behaviors and seldom, if ever, suffered any negative consequences for them.

That is called failure to parent. In your case, the responsibility for that failure is with his mother.

If you had peace and order with your own children in your own household before this mother and her demon spawn arrived on the scene, then marriage to this woman shouldn't even be a dot on the distant horizon. It's not my place to tell you what to do, but one thing I learned from my recently failed relationship is that all the red flags were there and I kept ignoring them. Had I put the brakes on earlier, it would have saved us all a lot of stress. Especially me, since living suspended upside down in a web of dishonesty and chaos was "normal" to them, I think.

Best to you and your kids, whatever you decide.

Thank you for sharing. I

Thank you for sharing. I sympathize with you- a 14-year old would be too much for me to bear. She doesn't know but as of right now, I'd rather fight three people at once than marry her. We keep going through the same cycle. He acts up, setting the bar higher and higher, we fight, he turns it up more, she goes "oh I see what you mean" and changes it up for 5 minutes, repeat cycle. We actually just went through the roughest cycle to date, which is why I haven't been on this site- I was trying to hold my house together. The little prick has been agitating the hell out of my daughter, trying again to break my son's toys out of jealousy (I told my son not to even bring anymore of his favorite toys here), trying to piss me off (his favorite game is to purposely do things that I will scold him for right in front of me and his mother so I can check him, his mother defends him and we fight- he loooooves it when we fight), being blatantly direspectful and defiant and the cherry on top- he's once again gone on a urination fest. The boy has pissed his bed for whats now going on a whole week. He heard his mother and I arguing last weekend about him not getting in bed with us any more (I comprimised with his mother months ago to let him in on the weekends but after Sunday with all the whispering and giggling between the two keeping me up, I had enough) and he declared to me that he didn't want to grow up, that he wanted to stay 4 forever. He then follows this with by wetting the bed every night since. Its always right before he normally gets up. I tell her "its the ritual of you cleaning him, speaking gently to him and reassuring him right after he's done something wrong" (not in the moral sense but out of whack). She declared to me in the argument that she wants this overgrown little prick to sleep in the bed with us because "He's growing up so fast, I don't have many more moments like this left with him." to which I replied "So this shit is really all about you" (typical for her). I decided that I can't raise this boy AND his mother- I just can't. Of coures the optimist in me hopes things change- I do love her, but thats begining to be not worth much.

I also have a SD9 and SS11

I also have a SD9 and SS11 that BOTH still regularly wet the bed... They both have been seen by thier Dr. who has no medical explanation why. Their reasoning is that they're asleep and don't know they're doing?? Seriously?? How do you not know that you're peeing yourself?! And it gets worse... SS11 will ball up his urinated clothes and hide them in his closet until you wonder where that awfull smell is coming from...OR lie and say it wasn't him!!

I have to say that it sounds

I have to say that it sounds like you need to be venting about your fiance rather than about her child, because she, the birth father, and the extended family are, as you point out, completely to blame for this childs behaviour. I don't think children are born bad, they are made that way by bad parenting. Every aspect of his behaviour from unchecked attention seeking to tantrums, rudeness and lies are a direct result of his mothers tacit encouragement. Do you want to be married to a bad parent, whose behaviour and that of her child is going to frustrate you on a daily basis? And do you want to put your own children through that tension? Because it doesn't matter how much you love your fiance your relationship can't survive that kind of pressure and frustration on a daily basis. Perhaps you need to give some serious thought to whether her values and standards of behaviour can ever be compatible with yours because you will end up with a long, stressful and ultimately futile battle on your hands if you want her to parent one way, and she wants to parent another. You describe her as a spoiled brat, which seems like a strong indicator that you are coming at things from very different standpoints, which is a major disadvantage in any relationship, let alone one with existing children where a huge amount of compromise and understanding is required.

If she accepts that you need to agree a new consistent parenting strategy together, for all your children, and that her childs behaviour needs to be changed, AND she is able to carry that through, AND you get some help in the form of family counselling, maybe it could work. But you obviously already have a lot of hostility focussed on her son,which does not bode well, and by the age of 4 it would already take a lot of willpower and effort on both your parts to reverse this childs behavioural problems. Are both of you prepared for the kind of work involved in changing that? Because if you stay together and things don't change it stands to damage everyone, not least the 4 year old.

You are right- I care about

You are right- I care about her but I'm through with her too. I'm just between a rock and a hard place- I can't afford finacially for her to go until the new year- but that hasn't stopped me from asking her before to leave. I tried talkin to her about him but its always a difficult conversation. She can't handle the truth about her little prince. I'm no day at the beach, I know this- I can lay it on thick when I'm upset. But I doesn't matter if I'm as gentle as rain or I come on like a hurricane- she gets upset because she's way too emotionally involved to see the boy for what he is. He thrives in this zone of hers- always trying to be "cute" for her (the little prick is a natural charmer- I feel sorry for any women he ends up dating in the future) which she falls for. I once found out accidentally that she was planning to leave because she was tired of "arguing about my son". She thought she was coming into money soon and was ready to write me and my kids off like we were nothing. I found out and I told her basically "theres the door chica"- but then the begging to stay began again. Financially, things will be improving for me considerablly in the new year. She knows this- she thinks I am about to support her as she chases her dreams, and pay for a wedding. If she's still here in the new year, I will just remind her of all the things she told other people that she didn't know would get back to me. If she had money and a place to go, she would left long ago to keep raising her boy her way. What I think I will do is tell her to go for it.

Why are you still there? You

Why are you still there?

You need to pack up and get away from the child that you hate so much. Do not get married to this girl because it’s only going to get worse, she is part of the problem and not part of the solution.
If you think it’s bad with a 4 yo wait until he is 5 ft or 6ft giving you the same behavior problems.

Hi, I think you should talk

Hi, I think you should talk to your fiancee and tell her exactly what you are saying here, that HER behavior is becoming a deal breaker. I have to say, I would not want to put up with this crap.

The thing is, right now it is her fault, but she is creating a monster, and it won't be long before it is the child's responsibility for his actions - she is setting up her child to be obnoxious and herself to be single.

Don't give in - you are the only one concerned about your sanity and happiness, and this is just not worth it if it continues. Wishing you strength!!

I completely agree with Most

I completely agree with Most Evil. This mother has created a monster - and while he may be totally obnoxious, he is only 4, and she and the bio dad bear almost sole responsibility for his behaviour.

Mr. Fedup, Do not get

Mr. Fedup,
Do not get married! I cannot stress this enough. I am in the exact situation as you although I was naive enough to think we could make it and we ended up getting married a year ago. I am a mother to a ten year old girl, he is father to a seven year old boy(that we have 65% of the time). He too, has always treated his child like the child was the partner (respecting him, idolizing him, listening to only him) while treating me like I was/am below both of them. Our house only has problems when the child is there. His darling can do NO harm and my husband is full of excuses for him. My stepson is also extremely smart and has figured out the way to get his daddy all to himself is to cause horrible problems. He straigt out lies (about my daughter - about myself), he even has graduated to physical bullying with my daughter now - he is as big as she is - a frickiin giant. It has gotten so bad, that my daughter and I are forced from our home (yes - they moved into OUR house as well) and we go and stay at my mothers all weekend long to escape the horribleness of this shitface. I feel awful feeling this way about a child - and I absolutely recongnize it is the parents fault - I don't argue that - I am at the point where I am ready to let this little jerk have his dad all to himself. It's not worth it anymore. IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER! Your fiance sounds EXACTLY like my husband - their children can do NO wrong so your children will feel funny in their own home for the rest of their lives - how fair is that?

Mr. Fedup, Do not get

You won't believe this, his

You won't believe this, his mother and I are on life support (I actually tried to end it two days ago because of HER shit that won't change but like the dumbass I am I let her talk me into one more meaningless try) and she talked to him about possibly moving away from me and my kids. She said he was happier than a pig in shit. So this morning I ask him did he really want to leave- he then had no qualms in telling me he always wanted to leave, that he wouldn't listen and beahved badly because he LIKED that his mother and I argue and fight and that its all becuase he wants his parents to be back together. The rub about all of this is they were together like five minutes- he has no memory of them even being together in the first place. Let me remind you that this little prick is only 4!! He threw it at me like a fucking rock- so non-chalant and matter of factly- He was basically confirming what I've tried to convince this idiot I am engaged to for over a year- the little asshole is trying to split us up. She just wouldn't believe it about her little prince- but I swear this morning, now that he can see that his shit worked, he has no problem telling me "yeah,I did this- what can you do about it now?" The answer is absolutely nothing- I go from love to hate everytime I look at his mother, it thats plenty from her own shit on top of his. I done step into a guys worst nightmare. My fiancee is everything you hope NOT to get- a lethal combination. She's gorgeous- the type of gorgeous that everyone notices right away, reckless and has no problems dancing on a man's heart- like a child pulling the legs off a spider one by one.

I realize this is an old

I realize this is an old post, but wow, the original post is almost exactly my life. Living with demon stepson is killing me. I must ask, what did you end up doing to get some peace or what is the current status? I ask simply to get ideas. As I read what the OP has went through I can only say you are not alone. I live it.

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My step son is pure evil in a small package

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