I really resent my stepsons presence in my home
I have been with my husband for almost four years, we have been married for 6months and lived together for a year before that. We were really happy and I was fine with my stepson at first he was always sweet to me and would try to behave the best that a 6 yr old can behave but that all changed. Right before we moved in together I found out I was pregnant, I love my husband so much but I almost had to leave him then. He had my stepson at 19 with someone he hated and then felt like he was forced to marry so he didn't want another child at that time so he asked me to consider abortion. I'm catholic, lapse but still raised that way so I couldn't consider that but after awhile of him bearing down on me I agreed to adoption, it killed me but I thought I love him and I can always have another child later. Thats when the problems started I wanted my baby and the sight of my stepson the kid he did keep even though that women was awful and he loved me but wouldn't keep our child killed me. I hated to see my stepson I resented his presence in my home, the constant reminder I wouldn't be able to have my child even as it grew in my belly. So finally I told my husband I couldnt' give up my child if he didn't want it I would leave and he could sign away his parental rights. He changed his mind then we decided to keep the child, it wasnt over night but weeks of discussing it I would get to keep my baby. But that brought a whole new set of problems, he had done it all before, he didn't want to go to lamaze because he said it was unnessary I would be fine without it, This was my first baby maybe I wanted to go. I had waited so long to tell anyone I was 8 months pregnant(I didnt' show at all so it was really easy to hide) I couldn't have a baby shower because by the time we told people it was to late. I felt like I missed out on the whole pregnancy the thrill and enjoyment. During the end of my pregnancy my stepson started acting out to the honeymoon period was over he started acting like himself......a spoiled ill-mannered brat who had no real respect for me of for my home.
So I finally have my baby and she is the most beautiful baby girl, my husband had a complete turn around he loves our daughter and treats her like his little princess. I am so happy when it is just us, we have a wonderful life just my husband, the baby, and I. THEN my stepson comes over and all there is is misbeaving and misery. We have a wierd custody arrangement we have him every other weekend and then all summer the whole time with just two weekends of break time. So I have a kid and the next weekend summer break started and my husband is at work all day and I am stuck with his son all day and my new baby all alone. It was awful, what should have been a beautiful time for me and my child was broken up with his heinous behavior. He had no respect for me when his father was gone and he was constently trying to get in between me and the baby. And as it got closer to the end of summer I started to resent him more and more, then at the end of the summer my husband and I got married, and it only got worse.
Now it is 6 months later and I am misrable every other weekend and am dreading the summer, it is worse because the rest of the time we are so happy and never fight. But as soon as he gets here we fight all the time my husband and I. I hate the time my stepson is here. And the prospect of another whole summer alone with him makes my stomach hurt. Someone please tell me it will get better that this is a phase. I feel guilty resenting him he is a child but I can't help it will it get better as his behavior improves and he ages or will I always hate his time here?
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I think this is the pivotal
I think this is the pivotal question:
When he is with you alone are you allowed to discipline him for acting up?
If yes, then things can be resolved.
If NO, because your DH gets upset/thinks he should be doing the discplining only/thinks it will upset the BM, then you have what is called 100% responsbility and 0% authority.
If the latter is the case, you can try counseling, but the prognosis is NOT good. Either you can leave for the sake of your own sanity (not have to witness the upbringing of a budding hoodlum/felon) or you can stay, watch it like a trainwreck and be a doormat to all parties involved.
I'm allowed to disipline him
I'm allowed to disipline him but nothing works, I tried timeouts that was pointless. Yelling doesnt work he wants the attention, I tried taking stuff away, taking away bigger thing for the bigger offences, he still repeated the activity that he got in trouble for. At this point I would love discipline suggestions, there has to be something that will work
Well....maybe you can make it
Well....maybe you can make it so the SS doesnt want to be around as much....
Your the adult...it doesnt matter weather your the aunt next door neighbour or what ever...your an adult and adults guide kids as to what they are to do...should they not do it...then expect consequences...If I was in your shoes and my skids played up and become too difficult to handle then I would simply drop them back off with the BM saying...Im sorry but until they learn to listen to what I say, and be nice they cannot stay with me any longer...put it back on her..not your husband....MAKE SURE BOTH OF THE BIOLOGICAL PARENTS KNOW WHATS GOING ON AND HOW YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CONTINUE DOWN THIS PATH OF HARRASMENT....Make sure both of them make the SS understand that in your presence he has to do what he is told and that he has to be nice....if neither of them are going to go ahead with something so simple as that...i dont know...."maybe tie him up to the back fence and leave him there until his father comes home'? only joking...but perhaps you could threaten him with that....
I tell his father and he says
I tell his father and he says he just wants attention, his bm works all the time she is an RN with a shopping addiction so she works overtime to pay for it. Plus she moved an hour and a half away so you can't even run him home to him moms when it is to much and his dad isn;t here...........but I may threaten with the fence suggestion, mostly because it was the first thing to make me smile this whole morning, luckly my daughter will wake up soon and that will cheer me up
Well Im glad I made you
Well Im glad I made you smile.....
you can also lock him in the back shed .... that way youre not as likely to hear his screams. Give him a blanket and pillow..a bottle of water and hell be right...
Be grateful the BM has moved an hour and a half away cos it cld be worse....you cld be like me and get the horrible skids calling up all the time demanding their father take them to the mall for something else they just realised they 'have to have'
I went through the same
I went through the same thing....just cause I left my job to stay at home with my first son when he was born, here comes the spring breaks and the summer and picking them up from daycare and all that.....I did it at first, but after that I was like heck no! If you the (DAD) is not here then I dont see the point of them two ss being here. I have enough to deal with having a newborn and now jumping forward a little... we have a one year old and my second baby is due on this friday! I have since then returned back to work and my son is in daycare now .....but now my reason is I work all day a med tech/lab tech then i have to pick up 2 babies (in diapers) feed them, bathe them, and put them to bed then take care of myself...I dont have time to worry with two other kids when you at work!! so they will just have to stay with thier mom. Im not keeping them, picking them up or nothing im tired!
Thats what I thought two.
Thats what I thought two. But you just make sure you take care of yourself with that little baby on the way. Congrats on your two little ones. My big thing is just trying to remember to enjoy my daughter even with the agrivation of my ss. I hope you can do the same with your two little ones.
I definitely hear you.. My
I definitely hear you.. My stepson has the "Only child" syndrome. I also have a new baby, and I think it is totally normal to feel what WE feel! Just try to deal with it one "every other" weekend at a time. I make sure to tell myself every other friday that this is gonna be a great weekend. It works..especially when you remind yourself a billion times even up until the moment you say bye bye! Things may get better, and they may not, but know that you are normal and definitely not alone.
Thank you so much, I am so
Thank you so much, I am so glad that I found this site. Just saying the things I want to say without judgement and having someone understand just means so much to me.