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Background info/ Disengaging Question

pseudo_stepmom's picture

Submitted by pseudo_stepmom on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 3:22pm

I guess this is how i do this....

My husband and I have been married for 3 years this June. I have one daughter from a previous relationship and my husband has 4 children who primarily live with his ex-wife and her new husband. My daughter's BF is referred to as a 'sperm donor' because that is the extent of his involvement in her life. My DH has naturally taken the role of her father and does an awesome job 90% of the time; I do find him favoring his children when they visit and sometimes I feel as though my daughter gets the short end of the stick occasionally.

I have issues controlling my irritation when the stepchildren come over. I have started to loose patience with them always destroying my house and my daughter's personal belongings. I don't exactly know how to "disengage" even though I've seen it mentioned periodically on this site. If anyone has any suggestions, PLEASE let me know. I'm getting sick of hiding out in the bedroom for the weekends that they come over and getting into petty arguments that drive a wedge between my relationship with my husband over the "parenting" (or lack thereof) of the stepchildren/my daughter.

Comments

pseudo_stepmom's picture

Submitted by pseudo_stepmom on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 11:03pm

My daughter is 6 and lives with us full time. The skids are SS13, SS11, SS9, SD8.

They come over every other weekend from friday afternoon until sunday evening. Yes, it's only 2 1/2 days, but by the time they leave I'm worn out and feels like they've been there for an eternity. I have to end up cleaning up the mess they left behind, doing the entire sinkful of dishes, their disgusting laundry that smells like something died in it, etc. I can't handle the house to be a disaster, I have a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to them being over. I have to have the house sparkling clean BEFORE they come over or else it takes me an entire week to get the house into the same shape it was before they visited. So annoying.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 01/25/2011 - 8:19am

Stop cleaning. You need to learn to walk away from it and leave it to DH. I have OCD as well and it is the hardest thing as well for me. Their bedroom doors stay closed. I never go in their rooms anymore. Your DH has to get it on his own. I stay in my room a lot and give SS time with his dad. But, usually DH is watching TV by himself. I was accused of taking my Steps away from their dad, so now they have all the time in the world to spend together on our week.

Just learn to find somewhere to go or do when they are there. I take my son out and leave SS with DH. I didn't bring these kids into the world, I do not have to entertain them.

I do cook, but only because I enjoy it and have to feed my kid. My DH does everything else. Clothes are washed and folded because of my OCD. But, I do not put them away. I don't even take them up the stairs. They are told one time to put them away and they do now. A few yells by DH and that worked. Tip is to fold all the clothes in the family room out in the open. DH can't stand for them to be out so he pushed it and they move fast now on that one.