Mind on Meltdown
Somebody please help me I think I may need therapy. I am a military wife, my ss is 13 and my bio is 3. my ss has been with us for 3 years full time. His BM is not active in his life. Last time we saw her was on a website advertising sex. My concern was bringing my ss around my bio son. His BM used to leave him with friend or people all the time so she could go out. So that concerns me. My husband refused to get him any therapy when he moved in with us. Another issue is that he is 13 and he seems to want to be around my 3 yr old all the time. Is that normal? He wants him in his room, or on the computer with him, he teases him by taking his toys and hiding them. They are so far in age is that normal behavior? anyone please help me. I am not mean to my SS, but I want to put my mind at rest.
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I adored my brother who is 11
I adored my brother who is 11 years younger than me. DH and I had a baby and all our kids were older and they adored him and all give him lots of attention. My kids tease each other relentlessly. I used to tell my brother he was an adopted monkey, but I really loved him.
13 was always the worst age for me with the first 5, but #6 is 12 and already through it.
It is very likely that he just loves his brother!
If you are worried about ss doing more than is appropriate with bio, then keep it on a "eyes" only basis when they are together. Be sure not to project what BM does onto SS. If it affected ss, and he needs to talk about it, talk about it with him. Putting kids in counseling tends to piss them off. 2 of our 7 were forced to go by their bios and it just made them more angry. Being understood would have been a better idea.
I cant really figure out what
I cant really figure out what your concerns are? I am guessing that I am missing something. Are you saying that you find it odd that your SS wants to be around his own brother just because there is an age gap? I have SD13 & SD5 (they have different BM's) and they are inseparable. They share a room, SD15 helps SD5 dress/do hair etc., they cuddle on the couch together and it is completely normal behavior. I myself grew up with sisters 10 and 12 years younger then me. I was changing there diapers, dressing them, bathing them, and as they aged I played with them constantly and often took them wherever I went. There is nothing wrong with anything that you mentioned in your post. Again...maybe I am missing something. I don't understand your concern.
Thanks for your responses
Thanks for your responses that really helps me and alleviates my mind. I am the only child and new parent myself. I was also sexually molested once by an older cousin. I was just concerned due to his BM abuse of drugs and prostitution and who she may have left him around or what he may have seen. I just wanted to make sure I was protecting my child while rescuing another. I do keep my eyes on them from time to time. But sometimes I drive myself crazy. I just didn't want him to be mean to my bio son.
Also sorry but biological
Also sorry but biological sisters and brothers who are far in age I think are different than stepchildren who are different age right?
Also sorry but biological
Also sorry but biological sisters and brothers who are far in age I think are different than stepchildren who are different age right?
My ss13 and bs4 are
My ss13 and bs4 are half-Brothers. Ss can't stand ds. I don't trust ss around ds alone. Nothing sexual here. Just ss fights a lot with him. He teases, starts fights, and does a lot behind our backs. Check out some other posts of mine. Anyway, if op feels she needsto be careful, then be careful and set rules. I spent most of he summer trusting my ss was decent with bs til we found videos of him being mean and repeatedly hitting bs for no reason. So go with your gut.
All 3 of my children are half
All 3 of my children are half siblings (SS stb15, SD12, BS7). There is 7 years between my boys. Because my SS was sexually abused by a boy who TOLD HIM to go and 'do this' to others, all 3 of my children are now victims of sexual abuse. Not to mention SS's brother at his BM's house.
I am also a survivor of sexual abuse. I was paranoid. I thought I was observant and that I was protecting ALL of my children. My SS was sexually abused when he was 7-9 years old. His first victim was his brother at his BM's house in 2006. SHE KNEW!! She never told us!!
So he continued to abuse others and hide behind triangulating his parents. My SD was abused for about 2-3 years IN MY HOME, and she never said a word!! Then he abused my BS in 2009 and BS told me 'by accident'. Which I confirmed by listening to the baby monitor still in BS's room. Charges were filed and SS spent almost 1 year in treatment.
Now my SS14, lives with us full-time and has limited contact with his mother because she 'helped' him to 'hide the abuse' for years and she never got him help.
We follow strict rules and all of us have been through sex abuse counseling. The boys are no longer allowed to be alone anywhere, there is an alarm on SS's door, bathroom door is locked when in use, SS is on probation, and BS knows and understands that if SS were to 'try' again, then BS gets to tell us and get to be 'safe'.
I know that this isn't what you wanted to hear in your concerns, but if you look back at a post I put in a couple of years ago, you will see that I had fears also. SS was an expert at hiding things from us through the PASing that his BM did to him.
Just know that if you are concerned, then you should take the necessary steps to KNOW for yourself what is REALLY happening, because learning later that you were 'right' to be worried totally sucks and the guilt is not an easy thing to get out from under. I know, I live it every day.
I have been praying for my bs
I have been praying for my bs protection when I am not around. It is hard and tiresome to be on guard 24/7. I don't have a problem with them playing 2gether it's how they play. Hiding hid toys, making my bs whine, cry and look for stuff or under the covers, always taking him out of site or hiding from him( last year my ss was calling my bs name who was 2 at the time. My bs was hiding in the dark behind a door. I found him and told him not to try and scare a 2 yr old. Of course he said he was just playing). Anyway he Always tickling him to the point my bs told me he doesnt like when his sb tickles him. In which I had my concerns before but now bs is 3 yrs old he is more verbal now. One time I heard ss telling my ss to let him out the room and my ss told him to stay in a playful way. I told him never to restrain him in anyway.. Of course he said he was just playing. I know how children play and sometimes they are fine other times I am not comfortable.. Some things I see and hear don't look right. Especially for him to be 10 years older..