My first wedding (to my XW) was the social event of the season. My ILs dumped ~$30K in to the wedding and my parents spent ~$5k on the rehearsal dinner and their share of other stuff (flowers, tuxes). The flowers were not much since we married on Jan 2 and the Cathedral was still decked out in holiday flowers. The guest list was 500+.

My ILs wanted my parents to split the costs. My parents responded that they would if my ILs would cut a check to "the kids" and my parents would cut a check to "the kids" and "the kids" could decide how to spend it (wedding, down payment for a house, investments, etc....). My former MIL freaked and said her daughter would have a "proper" wedding. Sooooo ...... my parents refused to pay for half.

My first marriage lasted for 2.5 years and cost more than $10K for each year of marriage.

My current marriage cost $500 and we just celebrated 16yrs of marriage. Definately a much better deal. The guest list was 8 plus my wife and I and our son (my SS).

The cost of the wedding is not indicative of the quality of the commitment.

A $500 elopement to Tahoe or a $500,000 destination wedding ..... it makes no difference.

It is the commitment that counts. Do what you want and have fun ..... regardless of the budget.

Best regards,

In my own opinion, I feel like anything that has to be put on credit is lavish. I started planning a year in advance & had everything paid for before the ceremony. My dress was the biggest expense at $540. I hired a photography major from Virginia Tech to do our photos. It was his first wedding so he agreed to do it for $300. He was nervous & brought his experienced wedding photographer friend along & charged nothing extra for it. We got over 1300 photos for $400 (I threw in an extra $100 for the extra help). I made the invitations & replies for $59. A friend did our cake/desserts for $50. I spent about $130 on decorations. We downloaded all the music for free. We prepared the food for 80 guests for about $270. We didn't pay for the venue. We had it at a lakeside conference/camp place I got through work, but they didn't charge anything. I'm sure there were other things here & there, but I didn't spend more than $1500 on our wedding. We had a decent crowd, but it wasn't expensive. I did a lot on my own, though, that some people find it easier to pay for. I guess, to me, lavish is anything beyond your means, so it'd be different for different people.

we had an awesome beach wedding..... rented a kick 4-story ass house w/elevator on the beach (so private beach and no strays walking in the background)...... full bar, catered buffet style....dj, florist & professional photographer....... i had some contacts and negotiated out the ying yang........ probably spent approx $12... start to finish (not including rings)..... i made my own invitations that looked super professional, got the stuff at michael's (plus the 70% off coupon they offer all the time..)..

ordered the cake from a local bakery (ordered some special white chocolate sea shealls delivered to the bakery), they were so yummy..

not to toot my horn, but 6 years later, people still comment on how crazy awesome my wedding was (w/o a planner).... i have to give my aunt about 90% of the credit.

downer, mil was supposed to be there to keep watch over the skids, but she dropped the ball on that one big f'n time... and at photo time... i'm not even going there again..

i also had my makeup done at the este counter (for free), they used all the best stuff for great photos (day & night different than regular make up), had a friend do my hair.... we made all the centerpieces.....

to save money, if you know anyone with a decent camera, you can probably skip the pro, florist not really necessary either.. there's a couple grand right there.... oh yeah, my uncle video taped the ceremony...

oh i am super excited for all you brides to be!!!

My first wedding was a super formal Manhattan event. My second wedding (to my DH) was in our backyard, and cost around $6,000. Which one did I prefer...? Second, by far!

I recommend using etsy.com for invites. We found beautiful, unique invites there for a fraction of the cost of a more professional outlet, and they were just gorgeous. I also recommend doing your own flowers by going to a bulk flower mail order company -- our wedding was dripping with flowers, and they cost $700 (total!) including my own.

It sounds like you have a lovely plan coming togheter.

SO and I are planning a simple little chapel wedding with just our 2 BFF's as witnesses. We have decided that we would rather spend our money on a nice honeymoon and a down payment on our dreamhome. To me, it has always been more about the marriage than the wedding anyway. Hey, at least this time he won't have to be drunk to say 'I do.' LOL!

i totally agree...... i was just lucky enough to be in a good financial/career time to be able to spend the money (and was still super frugal)..... didn't charge a cent..... but times/economy has changed dramatically.. spend what you can, but spend the most on the 2 of you and your future... i wouldn't mind having that jack in my pocket now, but it was my first (hopefully last) wedding ever, so i have no regrets..

Yep, StepAside - sounds like my SD's Mother-in-law who told me a destination wedding would save SO much money, because, after all, "weddings cost over $30,000 these days"....at which point I had to bite my tongue from responding - "Not in OUR family lady...."
Yes, SD got her destination wedding, as her in-laws forked out the $$ for the trip....then begged on her dad and I for additional $$ for the in-town reception a week later - despite the fact that they had been living together for a couple of years and already had a child, had bought and sold one house, making a profit of $70,000. (which they did not put down on their 2nd - bought two new cars instead)....while her father, my DH, was struggling through his 3rd job loss in 4 years due to plant closures. No, we weren't there. We were going to be, but the Mexico health restriction put plans amuck two days before we were to leave. Couldn't reschedule without spending megabucks, so we did not attend the wedding, although we were at the reception, where we were treated like second class citizens.
When DH and I married, we did it in our home. It was 2nd wedding for him, 3rd for me. Had family there, went out for a lovely dinner afterwards. A week later my in-laws threw us a pot-luck reception, which I don't think cost $500. all up. The food was fabulous, we all had a great time. The cost of the wedding does not equate to the length of the marriage, that's for sure. The thing is you consider who you want there, and how you can manage it financially. SD got her destination wedding all right, but none of her father's family could afford to be there (not that it bothered her). A pot luck reception allowed us to have ALL of our friends and family there to celebrate with us. And not one of them complained about having to bring a dish, either.....
What is it about weddings that makes common sense go out the window when it comes to cost? None of my weddings cost big bucks. Wonderful memories can be made without spending tons of money.
That said, I hope you enjoy your day very much.

This may sound cheap but we had our entire wedding for around $5K - rings, food, honeymoon and all.

We just invited our parents and immediate families w/kids, and like 3 friends, around 40 people, and had the reception at my parents house out in the country. We got married in a little chapel near my parents house with only 1 attendant each (I had SD11 at the time) because I insisted on a church wedding, he wanted to go to Vegas (2nd for him, my first). We just had like a 3 night honeymoon in a nearby romantic beach town but did splurge here on the place we stayed, an old inn.

My ring is not very big but I love it, I do wish I had spent more on my dress as the seamstress didn't seem to get what I wanted, but overall it was great. We did not serve alcohol because some of these people you do not want to get drunk, ha ha, so we had the ceremony at noon. We did have a great rehearsal dinner barbq, and drank beer there, w/fireworks and karaoke, the night before.

We did not want to invite everyone because my mom was getting sicker w/dementia and crowds scared her, but I do wish I had invited my grandmother, she was really hurt but so old someone would have had to bring her, then everyone would have come (I have a huge family). My friend is a semi-pro photographer who did it for free but I gave her $400 for costs.

So we had the closest people there, we had our wedding moments, walking down the aisle, throwing rose petals as we left, eating the cake (we made cupcakes on a cake stand in the shape of a big wedding cake), with photos of all. We made or bought the reception food, it was wonderful with all our favorite things. It was a 'small' wedding because of situation plus no money, but it had all the elements I really wanted.

Another thought is, that my friend whose family is completely crazy so you can't take them out in public, eloped to Jamaica and got married at Sandals just the two of them, and had a wonderful time, with friends they met when they got there. They have great photos and it looked very romantic. I think that cost $8K for the trip and ceremony.

if you are going to have a big reception~~ an awesome DJ is key.... i couldn't get the one i wanted, so i had a last minute referral, and i could not have asked for a better dj, he was even cool when the cops showed up (nasty blue hair renter in the condos next door complained about the noise).... everybody had so much fun, i thouhgt it was th dj, but there was a lot of liquor at my wedding...

and as far as could have been shown on tv...... i watched the today show destination island wedding and it did not hold a candle to mine, imho, of course! (except it was free for the bride & groom)

i just get so happy thinking about weddings.....