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SD blaming me for breakdown

tugofwar's picture

To start, I have been around SD14 for about 2 1/2 years no problems in the beginning. Lately things have gotten bad, really bad. DH works graveyards so I am the "parent" while he is at work, most of the time as soon as he drives away she turns into a total defiant smart mouth little girl. She takes off down the block I have to go get her, she doesn't get to bed when she is supposed to doesn't do her chores but the worst part is that she argues EVERYTHING, has an excuse for everything, calls me a B**ch to my face and many other names. I have a daughter 13 years old, so yes I know the teen years are hard but my child does not disrespect me or DH the way SD disrespects me. So today she left with her mother for something that was supposed to be 2 hours and then calls DH to ask if she can stay at BM, he said yes, no problem with me either BUT when she left she took clothes that are to remain here with her and left her room a mess, left the bathroom a mess and forgot her meds. So DH emailed BM and told her that she left without doing her things, BM brings her (after I had already waited for 3 hours I decided I would like to leave the house I was not going to sit around and wait for them all night) I was upset because I had to turn around and come back cause BM finally showed up. I did make the comment to SD that its not fair that my life revolves around BM schedule. SD was stomping around pissed off cause she had to change her clothes, clean her room etc. SD storms down the hall and calls me a F**king B**ch :jawdrop: , I tell her she needs to show some respect, she tells me to get the f**k out of her face, remember she is 14 and talking to me like this. Anyway, when she leaves to get into BM car I followed her out and told BM "i just wanted to let you know how disrespectful she just was with me inside" and told her the above. Now SD is having a breakdown at BM's house and telling BM and DH that she doesn't understand why I went off on her and crying and making all kinds of bs up about the events today. She is being overly dramatic and is causing a lot of tension in our household already as it is, I am worried that she is going to decide she doesn't want to come back and thats going to hurt DH, is it my fault?? :?

Comments

oilandwater's picture

Just keep focusing your objections on the fact that she is cursing at you... unacceptable!

tugofwar's picture

Neither DH or I asked her to come back to clean her messes, her mother emailed DH and told him that she was going to bring her back to finish what she left undone and pick up her meds but BM does everything in her own sweet time and expects everyone to just wait on her. Also today was not her time with her mother she was not supposed to return to BM until 6pm tomorrow and she always pulls this crap to go do something with BM the day before she is supposed to go back and then call and ask if she can stay and leaves everything a mess. My problem with her leaving the room and bathroom a mess is that BD and SD share a room and bathroom so it is not fair one bit for SD to leave for a week and leave my daughter to either live in filth for a week or clean up after SD, not fair at all, BD has cleaned up after her many many times cause she doesn't want to live in the mess and I don't think its ok at all. I agree though maybe her living with BM would be the best thing, no disguise on that blessing, it would be a blessing Smile but not fair for DH because SD "doesn't like me". The reason I followed her out and told her mother how she was acting was because DH was at work and we had a group talk (BM&SF, DH&Me and SD and made it clear to SD that all the adults are going to communicate with each other) and I felt BM needed to know what was going on while she sat out in her car waiting. I know DH is pretty fed up with all the bs also, I really don't know how to handle this child and sometimes I feel like DH may resent me later for his daughter hating it over here. I do want to make it clear to anyone reading that I don't treat her any different than my own children, I expect all of them to adhere to the rules and I also do a lot for SD my kids don't get any special treatment, if I buy one a new outfit or something I buy all of them something, no favoritism going on here. Thank you for your comments, It is always nice to hear others input Smile

tugofwar's picture

I'm sorry, her meds are her birth control, yes this 14yo child is already having sex. Although I do believe she has mental issues but refuses to go to counseling and unfortunately in NM at 14 the kids are allowed to make their own mental health decisions. I am not saying their room has to sparkle when I walk in but its not fair to ask the other child sharing the room to have to step through dirty laundry and trash that's not theirs for a week. I wasn't the neatest kid either but my parents wouldn't allow me to do anything until my room was clean granted they were married so I couldn't play the games she does with leaving to go to BM's house. She plays the game well and tries to manipulate everyone involved and pay the poor me act.

tugofwar's picture

No worries old dart, I wasn't clear about the meds. I do think she needs to be on something for her anger and mood swings but when she has gone to the doc she has told him she wants to take adderol (sp?) And that's all. She shared with me once that she wants to take adderol because her friend takes it and he likes the way it makes him feel like he's flying. I don't think the doc thinks she needs that drug. Maybe if she was on meds I wouldn't have to be on lorazepam and ambien lol

tugofwar's picture

Sad but true lol. Maybe I should ask my doc for that adderol that makes u feel like u can fly so I can fly away....

tugofwar's picture

To be honest I can't stand BM but I was so upset that SD was treating me the way she was I went out and told BM I was literally shaking after the brat left. It is the day after the all of this crap and now I am feeling bad about everything. She has said now that she does not feel welcome or secure at our home. But the kid has caused so much drama and she is so defiant that I am so angry with her (this isn't the first run in SD and I have had), I know she's just a kid but at the same time I would have been so dead if I acted this way with my parents. Do you guys think I should call and apologize to her for my part of this argument and be the "adult" about it? I don't feel like I owe her an apology since she acted the way she did but... Ah I don't know.

tugofwar's picture

No, I didn't call her names at all, I did yell and when she told me she doesn't wanna deal with me I told he I don't wanna deal with her either. No DH has not asked me to apologize or fix it, he knows how his kid is and has been trying very hard to teach her to respect me and any adult in authority. I guess I just feel bad for DH more than anything. I have always had the problem of feeling guilty after the fact no matter who it is.