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My Story...

SingleMotherOf2GreatKids's picture

At a young age, I met my son's dad, (reffered to as "JB"). JB is was older then me and had a young daughter. JB's daughter was the product of a one-night-stand with a stripper and JB stepped up to do the right thing. My step daughter (reffered to as "PB")was 18 months old and her mother had been in and out the picture since she was a few months old and totally out of the picture for over 6 months when we got serious. JB and I tried very hard to keep some form of a relationship between PB and her bio-mom. But bio-mom continually disappointed and wrongfully treated PB. After several months of torture from bio-mom, JB and I sat down PB at the age of 2 to explain that we weren't keeping her from her bio-mom,that the reality was that her bio-mom didn't care about her and didn't want to be with her, but no matter what, that we loved her and would always be there for her. From that moment on I raised PB as my daughter. We held her to the world as our daughter and PB was happy. JB and I were happy and we all lived together and worked hard to provide a great life for PB without any assistance from bio-mom. Bio-mom would pop up every once in a while and send PB a gift or a card promising she would be with her soon or pop up and cause a dramatic chaos for a couple days and then disappear again. That is until PB was 3. We allowed bio-grandma to watch PB over night. Bio-mom found out that PB was there and drove from New Mexico to Colorado and kidnapped PB out of her bed in the middle of the night. JB and I were crushed and furious after we found that police would not help us and that they would not allow us to press charges on the finding that because PB was genetically connected to bio-mom, it was not kidnapping. It was then that JB and I began our battle for custody and investigation against bio-mom. After six months of court appearances and thousands of hours of investigation, we discover that that bio-mom had stolen PB's identity and had racked up thousands of dollars of debt under her own daughters name and social security number. We also discovered that the local poilce had more then 10 occurances of domestic violence at bio-mom's address and knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her name. In the end of the court battle, sole custody and 100% parenting time was awarded to JB. When PB returned from the hell hole she had been living in, she was a changed little girl. She screamed if you tried to touch her, she was deathly afraid to take her clothes off even in the bathtub. She was mean and rude and spoke of things that no little girl should ever have had knowledge of. But JB and I worked with her. We helped her work through her trauma and helped her to remember who she was and how to be that sweet girl again. Shortly after this, JB and I had our wonderful son. We decided not to get married at the time as we felt our finances would be better spent on mine and my children's education. PB was delighted to have a little brother. It was at this time that PB decided on her own that she would like to call me Mom. Her exact words were hard to believe as the trauma she had endured left my little girl much wiser then she ever should have been and it melts my heart to this day. At the tendure age of just nearly 4, she told me,.."When I was born, I had a bad mommy. And my bad mommy was so bad, that one day God gave me a new Mommy, a good mommy and a little brother. And my little brother gets to call you mom so would it be okay if I called you my mommy too?". We had a few good years together and eventually JB and I began arguing. Wed decided it was better if we didn't live together anymore and I moved out. We spilt parenting time evenly and both kids went with one or the other of us during that parents time. JB and I tried to reconcile many times but always stayed good friends and good partners. A year ago, our life took a disaterous turn. JB took his own life. After his death, custody of PB went to JB's mother who lives 45 minutes away from us and the only life PB had ever known. Shortly after JB's death, the lawyers notified bio-mom of JB's passing. Piece of S*** bio-mom took this as her opportunity to take PB back and punish me to the fullest extent that she was capable of. Bio-mom has received joint custody of PB and has entered in their court paperwork that, I am excluded from and contact or visitation with PB. PB is miserable, she tells everyone including her bio-mom that she hates her, that she is unhappy and doesn't want to live with her. But bio-mom does not care and is pushing to try to remove her from everyone she has ever known. Being that JB and never married and that there is a genetic connection between bio-mom and PB, the courts have nothing in place as far as state statutes or doctrines that could advocate for what is best for PB. I have advocated for my son to the fullest ability I can with his grandma and have established a set schedule for visitation between PB and her brother. But if bio-mom ever takes full custody, I will lose all chance of getting my daughter back and will end the relationship between my son and his sister. Basically, with the passing of JB I lost my love, my partner, my friend and with his terrible choice, I lost my daughter and my poor baby girl who already endured the depths of hell, has lost the only mother she ever knew along with her Dad.

Comments

SingleMotherOf2GreatKids's picture

**SingleMotherOf2GreatKids**
Thank you for your sympathies. I appreciate you taking the time to read through my very long blog. I am trying to turn the tables in my favor and I am researching very hard on the few doctrines and statues in other states on how to set up some sort of custody proceeding that would allow a non-bio parent to file for visitation or custody. Do you know much about "de facto parentis" or "psychological parents"?

Most Evil's picture

Wow that is so sad. I feel for you, your SD and BS that you are now legally divided. The only thing I can say is if you can, try to meet with an attorney, even for a free consultation, you can see if there is anything you can do.
_________________________________________________________
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers

SingleMotherOf2GreatKids's picture

**SingleMotherOf2GreatKids**
I did meet with a lawyer about 6 months ago and she told me there was nothing that I could do. It's very frustrating that all of these laws and stuff are supposed to "be in the best interest of the child". But its total crap, it has nothing to do with what is best for my daughter. Trying to find a way around it is and even bigger task. But thank you for taking the time to read my blog. It is greatly appreciated.

melis070179's picture

Wow, in my state you could've adopted her if you held her out as your daughter and the biomom was MIA for 6+ months, she could've had her parental rights taken away. I'm so sorry his bad decision has hurt this child and you so much. I feel so bad for that little girl Sad

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

SingleMotherOf2GreatKids's picture

**SingleMotherOf2GreatKids**
If you don't mind my asking what state are you in? And I did look into the adoption while JB and I were still together, but I could because even with bio-mom trying to give up her rights, they wouldn't let her so they wouldn't allow PB to be adopted with both parents still around.

SingleMotherOf2GreatKids's picture

**SingleMotherOf2GreatKids**
That's very true and I tried to hire a lawyer but during the consults they told me that there was nothing that we could file and nothing I could do so their help would be pointless. And now that is has been nearly a year since he died, I am having a very hard time figuring out what other options are out there. Somedays I get so overwhelmed with worry I am seriously just thinking that the only way to leave myself a window is to shine a spot light on bio-mom and wait for her to screw up so I can report her.

Snowflake's picture

That little girl will always know who her true mother is. A mother isn't someone who only gives birth to us, but someone who nurtures and loves us everyday. This little girl is lucky that she has someone in this big world that loves her so much. You and your daughter are in my prayers.

SingleMotherOf2GreatKids's picture

Thank you for your prayers. It is greatly appreciated.
**SingleMotherOf2GreatKids**