Well at least the school finally called you. I know ss's school has never ever called dh although he is listed on the contact list and every year but this one has sent an email at the beginning of the year explaining his situation and his willingness to help anyway he could. He has also called the school before to ask about ss's homework and his tardies and attendance. For a while last year-after dh called the teacher she was emailing us on the friday that we had ss for the w/e with a list of all missing and current assignments due-dh made him bring all his books and he learned real fast that he would have to spend the w/e in his room doing homework if he didnt do it during the week. He resisted the first weekend and stubbornly sat in his room-but then next time he did it all and brought all his grades up since he turned in all his work. BUT we no longer do that. I have given up being involved (I'm the one that actually sent the emails at the beginning of the school year-although dh did the calling)and ss has learned a far better method for his schoolwork-which is to not do it most of the grading period-by the last few weeks he starts getting detentions for so many missed assignments he then makes up his assignments in detention and the teachers give him full credit for it. Works pretty well for him.

Yeah I dont think he's got snowball's chance in hell of going to college.

The information you have might be enough proof to file for emergency custody of the child. If she misses too much school, wouldn't she then be truant? And couldn't BM or DH go to jail for SD's truancy? Something to think about for sure. If the teacher is telling you that she's not doing homework and all of that, give BM a chance to explain herself and then go to the judge. You don't want to wait too long on this becuase the only one hurting at this point is the kid.