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young but wise's picture

Submitted by young but wise on Sun, 03/10/2013 - 10:59pm

For some reason, i have been stewing on a few things all night. I may regret saying this later, but most of my problems with SO and SK are my fault. I can't stay out of anything and i am a person who need to control everything in her life. Tonight i told SO that i am not going to do any disciplining and i found that the only way i can handle that is to either not be in the same room or be focusing on something else. My mom has DD tonight so i sat on my phone and watched Netflix just so that i didn't sick my nose in everything. I don't know how long i can do this but it is worth a try. I can not see something happen that i don't like and not jump in. Any advise out there. SS bed time is 9 and he is still awake playing around because i refuse to tel him to go to bed... I just have to be across the house ignoring the both of them. I know i will regret taking the blame later and that this may just be a heat of the moment kind of thing... But right now i just feel like i would have way less problems if i just didn't care out if i could just be more laid back and easy going. I'm wound tight and i need to learn to pick my battles. I need to step back and let life lead the way. This is the first time i have put these feelings to words and the first time i said this to anyone. It is who i am. I'm hoping someone out there has been through this and has successfully loosened up a little and can tell me how.

Comments

Ashalala's picture

Submitted by Ashalala on Sun, 03/10/2013 - 11:12pm

Hi i'm pretty new here.... I have written a blog but it seems to have vanished into thin air.... hopefully it will re-appear so you can have my backstory.

Anyhow, i've been where you are and it's hard. I guess the easiest thing to do is remind yourself she is not your child. You are CHOOSING to feel responsible, maybe choose to not feel responsible. Go visit friends. Go shopping. Go for a walk. Put your time into yourself and your needs and let your DH/SO parent his child. I know it is much easier said than done but give it a go.

It's good you recognise your own short comings however don't be too hard on yourself. Being involved in the raising of a child that is not yours by default is the hardest thing you will EVER do. You will find though if you step back and allow your partner to parent his child it will improve your relationship.

Just a thought, if the fact she is still up past bedtime (and I know how resentful this can make you feel) is driving you berko, can you watch tv in your bedroom. Would your SO be open to you GENTLY saying "hey honey it's way past 9pm, I'd love for you and I to spend some time together. Could you put SD to bed now??", not saying this will work but maybe if put across in a non threatening way and with the promise of some nice couple time he'll respond.. Good luck.

Macmillsy's picture

Submitted by Macmillsy on Mon, 03/11/2013 - 10:26am

Wow, I could have written that post Young but Wise !!! I feel exactly the same as you do. I have 2 skids, 14 and 10 and have the same issues. I cannot stand 10 year old SS eveything he does irritates me and it takes numerous attepts to get him to listen. I find myself having to lose my rag and discipline every time. My situation became much worse when I a became a bio father for first time 18 months ago, I don't want my son picking up SS's bad habits.

I need to learn to be more laid back and pick my battles but it's bloody hard!