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Had court today, my mind is blown

witch.hazel's picture

I posted about this upcoming court issue about a month ago and got a few responses, but by the time I was able to get back to stalk, my blog was a few pages back on the list, so I felt it was too late to reply. I feel bad about that, and thank you for those who did reply.

My custody history with my son is this (trying to be brief)- from ages 5 (when we divorced) to 13, I had sole custody due to him not coming to court and not being involved. At 13, he stopped paying child support, and the arrears reached $5,000, so I filed for FOC services. They brought a case due to his arrears, and he filed for custody. We reached an agreement, had joint custody with primary residence being with me. I forgave the arrears.

The following year, we reached an agreement that our son would go live with him in another state. I started paying child support.

Well, last month, after 3.5 years, the child is now an adult (18) and I get a call from him asking if he could live with me. I asked him if his father agreed with this. He did. We exchanged emails where he said he wanted him to come to me as soon as possible and start his new school. We discussed the whole thing through email.

Of course I made a motion to modify child support and to opt back into FOC services. So his lawyer showed up to the hearing today. We saw a referee. What she claimed was such a huge shock! She said that my ex sent our son to "visit" me and he refused to return! She said he wanted to fight for custody. The referee said it is not a custody matter, you don't have custody rulings on an adult. I said I have prove his father sent him and arranged for him to come, but of course, no matter, he's an adult!

The referee gave the lawyer time to brief the FOC on whether or not they could file a motion for custody on an 18 year old.

We have adjourned and will be back 3/30 at the FOC. Referee advised me to get a lawyer. I didn't want to pay a retainer just to get a little bit of child support for one year. I don't want to be in a custody battle over an 18 year old that was sent by his father to live with me. What???

It's clear that he sent him not thinking he'd pay support.Then when I filed, he all the sudden wants him back. Is that not obvious to the referee?

Then, I had to listen to his lawyer saying that I have made questionable decisions in the past, blah blah blah...I can't believe I'm having to listen to what an unfit mom I am in court again from these people after HE just sent the child to me. So you don't want to pay because I am a bad person in your opinion? I'm so shocked that the referee is actually not stopping her when she starts that because it has nothing to do with this case.

I was ordered to pay unti 19 and a half or high school graduation. Whichever came first. Why should he not do the same?

The lawyer pulled crap about not having his income info. I had mine. She said there's no proof he was in school. I brought a letter from the school. 

She said his dad has concerns whether I will be successful on making sure he does well. Then why send him to me?

She asked for me to email a copy of the discussion.

This is in Michigan, and everything I have looked up says custody is not an issue at 18. What is wrong with this lawyer that she does not know that? Is she just playing stupid? She told me that she is "not the enemy"....well, no, I think her client is her enemy. My ex husband, who is boldfaced lying to her.

So, now I have called legal aid. Didn't want to use my old lawyer who is awesome, because he is expensive. But, I wonder if my ex could have to pay his fees for bringing up this stupidity and lying?

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

SteptoThis's picture

just asking cause I do NOT know: if custody doesn't matter at 18, then why does child support?  Why is this even going to court? Can't you say your son can live with you since he's 18 and drop child support?  I believe thats probably  what it's all about....from the ex's point of view.

SteptoThis's picture

I see!!!  you're asking to modify YOUR support-- meaning YOU'RE not going to pay anymore.... but are you asking for HIM to pay YOU? sorry about that :) 

witch.hazel's picture

Yes, it was to cancel my order to pay- but I did want to switch it around so that he is the one paying now. The court ordered me to pay until 19 and a half, and he was just fine with that, of course. He just does not want the tables turned. I did consider just doing without because it may not be worth all this, but I have a low income, his income is twice what mine is. I don't want the money for myself, but I have to put him in driving school, etc. He came with nothing. I think his dad should contribute.

WalkOnBy's picture

In Michigan, a kid is presumed to be under the court order until he is finished with high school.  So, even though your kid is legally an adult, he is still under the purview of the court order.

If you have evidence that dad agreed to send kid to you, you're fine.  Don't email to dad's attorney, send it certified mail, and make multiple copies.

This is easy if you have the emails from dad...

witch.hazel's picture

I'll do it that way. Thanks, WOB. I've spent the whole afternoon cutting and pasting screen shots of text messages as we were planning by both email and texts. It was VERY clear that we all planned this together with them ASKING me if he could come. And it also has him asking me to pay him cs up until the very last second. I paid January 26, he arrived Feb. 2. Four days, and I was still paying.

WalkOnBy's picture

Great!!  Just so you know, you will have to keep paying until the order is changed by FOC.  Make sure that the effective date is the day that you and dad agreed that kid would come to you or thereabouts.  If/when the suport order is changed, it should be retroactive to the date the motion/request was filed.  You should get credit for the amount you paid during the pendency of the case.

Do you guys use MiSDU or do you pay him directly?  It sounds like you were paying him directly, since you mentioned that you had to opt back in to FOC services.  

This is scary and annoying, I know, but it's pretty cut and dried if you can prove that kid wants to stay with you and that you and dad agreed that this would happen.  That defeats dad's whole "she took my kid and won't send him back" crap.  

Feel free to PM me Smile

witch.hazel's picture

Thanks, WOB. Yesterday the court order was changed to stop child support from me. And you're right, we did opt out of FOC. I knew I was good to pay, and so did he because I'm someone who's generally afraid to break the law. Him...not good on his word, and ignoring all my questions, so that's why I opted back in.

Yep, it is annoying and scary. I will PM you if something else comes up! Thanks so much!

Thumper's picture

There is more back story---there has to be.

Is dad expecting his 18 year old son to plan for his future, college, job, military? And your son is not interested? 

GoodLuck

 

 

witch.hazel's picture

I pretty much shared the whole back story in the original post. I don't have a reason to misrepresent to stalk- then I wouldn't get the advice and feedback on the truth, which is what I want. Feedback on falsehoods is not helpful.

He does plan to join the military. I don't know what else happened. I asked him many times to please let me know if there was something going on, or why they wanted him here so soon. Dad only said his grades were going down and he wanted him in a new school here in MI fast. That and dad has a new baby and told me on the phone that he doesn't have time to oversee the older one and his schoolwork now.

Maxwell09's picture

Well you kind of asked for it when you tried collecting child support on an 18 year old. To me if he was just moving back home and it's just for some odd months until he ages out or graduates then why are you making it into a bigger production to just get a little bit of money. (enough to go to court and file for it but not enough to pay an attorney to get it for you...) 

If anything you should have contacted the FOC to have child support completely eliminated since 1. He's living with you and 2. He's an adult who can work and support himself (if he is an independent child which if he isn't at this point...that's a parenting error)

notsurehowtodeal's picture

How did she "ask for it" by expecting her ex to pay child support for the same amount of time that she was supposed to pay it? In my state, child support goes to age 19 - doesn't matter if the "child" is in school or not. It can go longer if the "child" is still in highschool. Generally speaking, 18 year olds from intact families, who are still in highschool, are not expected to support themselves. Why should her DS be expected to support himself just because his parents are divorced? It sounds like he is going to get a job, but that doesn't mean his father doesn't still have some responsibility towards his support.

WalkOnBy's picture

She didn't "ask" for anything.  In Michigan, as in most states, child support is to be paid until the child graduates from high school or turns 18. whichever occurs LAST.  Lots of kids turn 18 while still in high school, and this kid is no different.

witch.hazel's picture

Do you think it was wrong for his dad to collect child support? Because he was set to receive it from me until age 19 and a half. That's due to it being my responsibility to support him until high school ends. It's his dad's responsibility to do the same. But it's not about principal, it's about providing for the needs our son. He has many, like any high schooler.

WalkOnBy's picture

exactly - if you were expected to pay child support to dad until kid graduates from high school, then dad is also obligated to pay support to you until kid graduates from high school.