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First blog/my situation

Westtexmom's picture

I'm a 27 year old mother to two boys.My sons father and I have been on and off for nearly 7 years main reason being he basically teases me in front of his 3 daughters who also laugh at whatever he says and never tells his daughters to be respectful. I was raised to respect my elders and was taught how to be a proper lady and I'm trying to teach my son's how to be a proper gentleman and have manners. Knowing the step kids are coming for the weekend my whole week is ruined and I'm basically in a bad mood the entire time! I feel terrible but I tried to love my step children the same as my own but I just cant. When my boys dad and I got together I didn't even know he had kids let alone was still living with his wife even though they were going through a divorce. When I found out we broke up and he somehow sweet talked his way back. Jumping forward to today the 15 yr old step daughter thinks everything's a joke sits with her legs wide open when she's wearing shorts lays in the couch all day (mind you we just have that one couch) blasts her explicit music all day and now has my 5 yr old singing along with her I tell her if she's going to listen to that to please listen to the edited version and she just laughs it off.She also is a cheerleader in school so I'm the one having to take her to the football games practice camps ect. because my fiance tells me too if I say no then he throws a fit and starts to say things like if my kids are such a burden maybe you should leave or if I say I guess then he'll say fine nevermind then tell his daughter Im throwing a fit and I don't want to take her of course I end up taking her anyway.On to the 12 year old...she comes over with her hair looking like she swam in cooking oil and smells of body odor and most of the time with house slippers instead of real shoes and clothes that look like she got off a homeless person so we can't ever go anywhere with these kids. My niece gave her alot of nice expensive clothes and they've been hanging in the same spot when I asked why it hasn't been worn she said she doesn't like them with is another issue with these kids is they're very unappreciative.the 12 year old is also the biggest crybaby I know she cries because we tell her to take a shower cause her hair looks disgusting or when someone changes the channel she wants to watch.And finally the 8 year old...where should I start...she doesn't bathe unless it's here at my house, burps disgustingly loud when we're eating pokes at her behind or front to pick out her underware in public and at home is extremely she has a deep voice has the most annoying cry still talks like a baby and tattle tales on my 5 year old to her dad about any little thing just to see him get in trouble. I was hidden to see how he really acts when it's them two playing and I heard her tell him to pee on the carpet she sat there and laughed at him while he did it and when he finished she yelled out to her dad and said he peed on the floor of course nobody believed me when I said what happened my fiance always says I don't like her and I'm always trying to get her in trouble. Another thing I can't stand is I'm always having to give my plans up or miss family birthday parties and weddings because they're over.I'm so frustrated with everything I could cry i feel like a live in maid when theyre here they walk all over me never clean up after themselves when theyre here my days are spent cooking cleaning up cooking again cleaning up again cooking again cleaning up again im miserable! reason I don't leave my fiance (we've been engaged for 5 years) is because when we would separate he turns into a worthless dad to my boys always making up excuses to why ue cant spend time with them and he doesn't help out financially (he still has to pay me 850 in child support but hasn't payed in almost a year).I'm at my wits end I don't know what else to do when it comes to getting the step kids and fiance on the same page as me...I know I can't possibly be the one overreacting when my brother in law (who is in the same situation with my fiances sister) agrees with me. I'm desperate for any advice I've tried to talk to my fiance and step kids about it and I get if you don't like it then leave knowing I have no place to go or family to turn to that's not an option.

Comments

MommyMayI's picture

Harsh words tommar. She might be a little lost. It can be scary to leave. Tough love maybe needed but she needs our support too.

MommyMayI's picture

Sorry if I offended you tommar. I just dont want the woman to be scared off.

MommyMayI's picture

Hmmmmmm this is a doozy. Your fiance sounds like a jerk and your stepdaughters are his spawn. You need to give him an ultimatum. Either he gets on your side or you will leave and not only that you will sue him for all the back child support (the government charges extremely high interest rates). I would also recommend that you all do some family therapy if you can afford it. If you can't afford it, go to some free support groups in your area. Some of these provide really good advice. If none of that works, I would leave the scumbag and check in the cs. If he doesn't want to be around your boys then he can pay for it.

FrenchPeas's picture

Lordy, after 7 years you have to know that there is zero way to talk to this guy and it make a dent. Get away from him. When you broke up before, where did you go?

I'm with Tommar. Get out and stay gone.

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

It sounds like you have your own place so you're not living with him? Just make up your mind right now that you deserve better and move on. Do it for your sons and do it for yourself! Block his number on your phone. Change the locks on your place and move on. Be strong and cut off all communication with him.

LadyJ's picture

Seriously? It frustrates me when women say they can't leave due to financial support, or he won't pay child support. Your child is 5? You said you had two but I didn't catch the age of the other. If he is older then the kids are at school, plenty of time for you to work full time, support yourself and move on. Sucks to be a sole provider but you can't get blood out of a stone.
Sure you may struggle a bit with money for a while but that can change. The thing that won't change is your husband. Choose the life you have, or don't, but you're not powerless in this situation. The more you acquiesce to his demands you're just giving him permission to continue.

Westtexmom's picture

I never said I didn't have the financial support.my son is 2. I recently chose to put my carrer on hold since working at the hospital didnt leave much free time to spend with my kids.

LadyJ's picture

You said the reason you didn't leave was for two reasons one of them being he won't support you financially and referenced the $850 that he hasn't paid in over a year. It's towards the bottom of your blog.
I'm glad you are leaving and able to get back into your career in a different area. Sounds like you and your children will be much happier out of this toxic relationship merry go round .
It takes a strong woman to walk away with from a man when they have two young children. All power to you.

LadyJ's picture

You said the reason you didn't leave was for two reasons one of them being he won't support you financially and referenced the $850 that he hasn't paid in over a year. It's towards the bottom of your blog.
I'm glad you are leaving and able to get back into your career in a different area. Sounds like you and your children will be much happier out of this toxic relationship merry go round .
It takes a strong woman to walk away with from a man when they have two young children. All power to you.

Westtexmom's picture

Thanks for the advice everyone. The reason it was so easy for me to leave before is because I had my sister. Unfortunately she passed away unexpectedly in May.My parents moved to San Antonio a year ago so going to their house for the night is not something I could easily do. I just really wanted to keep my family together. Lastnight I was told again if you don't like it then leave after I said he couldn't go out cause his daughters were here to spend time with him not me and that's when I made my decision to empty out the checking and savings account as soon as the bank opened this morning and make the drive to my parents home.He wont be too happy but at this point I could careless I be damn if my boys turn out anything like him and his ungrateful brats. I'm a nurse it can't possibly be that hard to find a job there. I already feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. The best part of this situation is my boys are excited to see grandma and grandpa.

hereiam's picture

When a relationship is on and off for seven years, it is just not meant to be. It's not working. Something is broken that cannot be fixed or it would have been by now.

Plus, he sounds like an asshole.

hereiam's picture

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Most Evil's picture

Thank God you left. At least if you are split up you don't have to deal with the horrible SDs. And he will pay you, or pay the price for it. You did the right thing hon.