DH just told me I should be less cheery around the house...
He told me that I shouldn't try to talk to SD15 and SD17 and let them come to me.
SD15 came down this morning and complained her feet hurt. Her Dad said it was her Uggs and I said I heard they cause plantar fascitis (sp?) and I think that could be it. I volunteered to show her some stretches. She said no. Okay, I dropped it.
A former boss told me never to lose my enthusiasm. I think explains my personality.
DH said I should not try to talk to them all of the time and let them come to me...
We do sometimes argue and I am a loud talker. I feel bad. HE says that makes them not want to be around here. I do feel bad for that. But we are newlyweds. There are a lot of things that we have to figure out and work out.
I feel like this is a request to not be myself in the house. I would say my own home but obvioulsy this is not my home. I can't believe how much this hurts!
I feel that if were typical newlyweds, we would be able to hash things out and talk about whatever without a peanut gallery with comments.
I also feel DH has these back conversations with Skids about me just like he does about them with me. He also bad mouths his extremely generous parents pretty often. So, I always feel that he is bad mouthing me to someone too.
Just venting. What is there to say about this. I know I am not perfect. I know I can be annoying. I know I am really passionate and that can scare people away, but I thought DH accepted me the way I am. I guess his kids do not so that is more important.
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Of course that is a
Of course that is a ridiculous request honey. Just be yourself, if maybe a less outgoing TO THE SDs version of yourself. Don't let them steal your personality, just leave the SDs out of it unless they come to you.
I love positive people with positive energy and feel that is one of the best qualities a partner can have, so be proud you are so well adjusted and let the grumps grump to each other without you!! Hugs
Boundaries need to be set
Boundaries need to be set now. I should have done this 20 years ago when we got married. DH needs to know if he is not respectful of you in front of SD's they will follow his lead. You shouldn't sacrifice your true self for anyone. It doesn't get any better if nothing is done now.
It sounds like he is insecure
It sounds like he is insecure about his relationship with his children and is trying to use you as a scapegoat.
Never lose your enthusiasm and passion for life. An attorney I worked with in D.C. used to call me "a hummingbird on crack". And he meant it as a compliment. I get more done before 6am than most people do all day.
Have you brought up your
Have you brought up your concerns with him? I would be really annoyed if I thought my DH was talking about me with the SKs. If they complain about you to him, it is his job to defend you, not agree and commiserate with their criticisms. He obviously doesn't mind sharing criticism with you, maybe you could explain how his badmouthing others makes you feel uncomfortable (and is really immature).
I have shared my concerns
I have shared my concerns with him. I think one of my major flaws is that I am not that best communicator as well and that when I communicate my needs (after the first time) that I feel are not being met, I am very passionate, emotional and not as diplomatic.
Example, I told him tonight that there wete 3 requests that I had when we were married that I don't think are unreasonable that he has not really followed through on. They are:
1. Pay all of the house bills through our joint account. I only pay 1/2 mortgage, taxes, and home insurance, but I thought him paying the bills through our house account would make me know what it takes to live here in case I need to step in.
2. Take me out, just the 2 of us, once a week.
3. The kids, all 3 of them, go to their MOm's once a month. This is not to "get rid of them," but to nurture our relationship, to have time to just be as a couple and not have kids around, or even if they are home, to not worry about thekids and picking them up, etc. Well, I think I am the only one in this house that cares, since during the aftermath of the blizzard, he basically texted SD15 to walk home (about a mile) because he wanted to go to bed!!!
Anyway, my response from him was "This is they way I am, I am not changing, you have to accept it. Okay, well why is it okay to ask me to change for your little darlings who treat me and you like crap?
I hate to ring in the New Year on a negative note, but then again, it is the reality. Now my question and action item is, What next? What do I do?
Well you're doing an
Well you're doing an excellent job of communicating what you need here. Maybe if your husband isn't listening, counselling?
I too am loud and
I too am loud and enthusiastic. I have toned it down a bit and try to refrain from bickering in front of SD...doesn't always work. My SD23 (with us half time forever) is beyond shy so I have basically stopped talking to her altogether unless she initiates or I really have something to say. I don't try to come up with questions in order to communicate with her or "try to be nice" because it always backfires. When she says something stupid, I don't have to contradict her every time. I am working on that one. I have noticed that my FDH is being very nice to me lately. He seems to be aware that I am trying and that it is not easy for me. We don't have sex when she's here because she mentioned she could hear us one night.
Well, it is the first week
Well, it is the first week and I have not really talked to them. I still resent DH because I can't believe he let 9 months go by and now he tells me?
The good thing is I feel a little less stressed. The bad thing is I feel more of an outsider.
The other thing is I am viewing DH as a wimp more and more.
Not even sure I want to go to counseling...Caring less and less. That makes me sad...
Thanks to everyone for your advice.