7 year-old SS kicked me in stomach at 30 weeks pregnant!
I've been married to my DH for 2 years. 2 weeks after we got married, the BM took my DH to court to raise CS. My DH came home with his son, whom the BM said in court, she didn't want custody anymore. So I became an instant, overnight, full-time SM without any discussion or heads up! My SS came to live with us with literally the clothes on his back. Most of his life have been spent with an autistic uncle, playing video games and watching TV. Major behavior issues that still have not been corrected. (He soiled himself until age 6/7..still has accidents - no manners - doesn't know how to act socially - very aggressive - has severe ADHD for which he takes medication)
The past two years have been very trying. A lot of love.guidance, sweat and tears have gone into raising my SS to the best of my ability. He sees his BM whenever she comes around and of course, in his eyes, it is my fault she isn't around. She avoided paying CS for two years, we JUST started receiving support for him. I am now 30 weeks pregnant and my SS is yelling/screaming at me, disobeys everything I tell him, and tells me what HE is going to do. NO is now 90% of his vocabulary. Yesterday, I was scolding him for lying, and he rared up and kicked me square in the stomach. I'm 30 weeks pregnant.
Today, I was telling him to put his shoes on and he started just yelling/screaming in my face. No words - just screaming. He was getting ready to go to his mom's for a few weeks.
I'm to a point where I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid my SS's behavior is going to cause me to file for divorce. Am I being selfish? I suggestd counseling to my DH for him - but he never follows thru. Honestly, had my DH had custoday of his son while we were dating, we probably wouldn't be married today. My SS's behavior is that bad - and I'm the main caregiver. I get him up, ready for school, take him to school, go to most of his school activities, pick him up from day care, and do homework with him. I'm also with him 24/7 on school holidays and summers. (I'm a teacher too). I'm just fed up.
ADVICE?
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advice...yeah
stop doing things for him until DH steps up and makes SS's behavior a priority! There's NO excuse for that kind of behavior, BUT I do have to question how his mother abandoning him has affected him AND his behavior. He really SHOULD be in counseling.
advice...yeah
stop doing things for him until DH steps up and makes SS's behavior a priority! There's NO excuse for that kind of behavior, BUT I do have to question how his mother abandoning him has affected him AND his behavior. He really SHOULD be in counseling.
Sounds like your stepson is jeoulous of new baby
You are not being selfish. You need to protect this baby. I think SS kicked you in the stomach on purpose. I am actually worried about the safety of the baby and would not leave SS unattended with him until this matter is resolved. The boy needs counseling. Personally, I would just make an appointment and take him. You need professional help to deal with this very troubled boy.
"I know God has a wonderful plan for me, I just wish He would tell me what it is"
wow
What did your husband do when he found out SS had kicked you in the stomach. My husband doesn't have much follow through as well and yet if my SS had done that he'd have recieved the spanking of his life from my DH.
I think you need to sit your DH down and explain to him that you just can't take care of you SS if you don't get any help from him and let him know exactly what you need him to do.
It took me 2 years of having my SS full-time to just get my husband to actually follow through with anything. I'd punish SS and DH would take him off of punishment. I'd tell him he had to eat his dinner and DH would make him something else to eat etc... it finally took my telling DH that if he didn't back me up and help in raising SS that he could do it himself and I detached myself from it all. I wouldn't watch SS, pick him up from daycare, cook for him, nothing and let DH do it all himself. That's what it took for DH to figure out that he was creating a monster and what I had to go through
WOW!
That is exactly what my DH does! We had minor-blowup last night about this issue. I told him that my SS was not minding, would not do what I asked, etc. etc.... I told him he needed to back me up and his reply was "You're just too strict". I'm to a point now where I'm ready to detach.
That is my fear too...
I fear my daughter's safety too when she is born - and that he might hurt her. I'm going to make the appointment and take him myself. He did kick me on purpose. Good to hear that other's are thinking along the same lines as me. Never thought being a step-parent would be so challenging.
I generally don't tell people to leave
I don't believe in divorce unless there is a safety issue. But if your baby is not going to be safe, you may have to. I would try the counseling first and you may have to remove SS from the home. Let DH take him to day care or something. If DH is not going to protect you and baby, you may have to take drastic measures. Please ask the counselor about this.
Sorry you have to deal with this during a time when you should be able to relax and prepare for your new little one. Step parenting is harder than I ever imagined too.
"I know God has a wonderful plan for me, I just wish He would tell me what it is"
UpinArms
Get your SS some counseling NOW. Don't wait and don't wait for DH. You are the wife, and the woman in this situation. You are the caretaker as BM gave him up. Whether it's fair or not, is no longer a consideration. Whether it's your job or not is really not a consideration either. It's not JUST up to DH to get this kid some help. In the interest of the your safety and the safety of your new child and the happiness of your home.... GET THIS KID SOME HELP.
He has not had a good life and obviously has some issues he needs to get addressed. Don't take no for an answer on this. Call your doctor and do this.
And yes, I'm not saying... You should try... or you might want to get your DH to try.... YOU should do this.
Sorry
First sorry your under so much stress during this special time. Im sure your ss has alot of issues going on and agree therapy needs to be done now.
DH really needs to wake up. Things are only going to get worse, once those teenage years come. Their is no turning back.
If it was me, and DH didnt step up, I would probably stay with a friend for a few days so that he can realize Im serious. You do not need that abuse.
I agree with windee....why
I agree with windee....why did your hubby not do anything? that is crazy and I am very sorry that you are going thru that.....