Update: DH TOLD me to disengage
I posted yesterday about how SD14 told Crazy that I send messages on the OFW app while DH is sleeping, which is absolutely not true. After everything I do for her and the crap she has been pulling, this was the last straw. I'm done, and decided to disengage fully this time
DH and I just had a convo about it all, and he very adamantly told me he wants me to completely back off from her- not to cook for her, offer to help her with things, chat her up, or even say hi to her. He said, do nothing for her!! He thinks she is manipulating me and she needs to learn what it's like to have a disengaged Truenorth. He doesn't know the term disengage, but it was interesting that he was describing just that since we all talk about it so much here. He kept saying, I mean it, do NOT CAVE and start doing nice things for her! I was thinking, has DH been lurking in the comments on StepTalk...? He could totally be a commenter here. Lol. I promised I wouldn't because now I know what is really happening and how she is telling Crazy what I say and even things I don't, and I'm over it. And I feel silly for trying so hard when she has clearly been playing me. I have nothing to say to her, good or bad. It's sad because I know this isn't necessarily her fault because of PAS, but we also can't change it no matter how we try and being nice and talking to her just seems to be impacting me and DH for the worse, while SD is becoming downright defiant and shitty.
DH also said he's already made the decision and is 99% sure that SD is not coming to Italy. He wants nothing to do with a pouty kid with a bad attitude ruining the trip and telling us how much better her mom is when she doesn't even want to be there (his words) . Which is a relief, although now we need to decide if we only take SS17, or just go ourselves. To DH's point, it does make a statement that the relationship has changed if we take SS but not SD. I said, well she needs to learn that she won't be rewarded for extremely poor behavior. It's not about making a statement, it's consequences. He thinks it will just further validate Crazy's "your dad and SM don't care about you" narrative to SD. Probably, but there's no winning at this point. I would feel bad if we don't take SS since we told him we were taking him and i think he was looking forward to it...and if he doesn't go it's fully because of SD, which sucks. Either way, I'm just glad we don't have to take an entitled, bratty girl who would ruin the trip anyway.