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SS threatened to punch our friend

TrueNorth77's picture

We didn't even have skids this week and I am still fired up and had to hold myself back from texting SS16 a piece of my mind. 
 

SS16's assistant basketball coach is literally one of the nicest guys I know- he is also DH and my friend, and comes over to our house for get-togethers. He always chats with SS16 and knows SD13 through school also. DH told me that SS text him the other day and said "The next time I see that fat assistant coach I'm going to punch him in the face". DH told him to remember who he's talking to- he's not SS's friend, he's his parent and this isn't something you tell a parent, and then asked what happened. The coach was giving SS advice about basketball and then said he heard SS has been working out and joked he probably has been working out his fingers playing video games more than anything. SS was pissed and claimed the coach was being a jerk. 1. The coach wasn't wrong 2. SS jokes about EVERYTHING and has a great sense of humor. The coach was joking with SS because that's what we all do! DH told SS to calm down, the coach was joking and since when couldn't SS take a joke? SS insisted he was being a jerk, which he absolutely wasn't because this guy is so freaking nice. I told DH maybe SS could try punching the coach when him and his gf pick me up on Wed night to go to a Friendsgiving...let's see if he's so tough when he's actually here.
 

I am pissed. A 16yr old thinks he's going to call our friend FAT and threaten to punch him in the face?? No. I am very protective of friends and no one would get away with saying that. I told DH I'm pretty mad and I hope he plans on addressing it in person. He said he will. I said SS needs to know it's not ok to call people fat, and that he needs to respect adults. None of this is acceptable. I told DH I'm glad he's going to talk to him, because if he didn't, I would, but no one would like the way I would handle it. DH said he's more apt to give SS the benefit of the doubt and wonder what else might be going on with him since he usually isn't like this (debatable). I said I understand that, just as long as you also make it crystal clear that this isn't ok. DH agreed. 
 

The same freaking day, DH told me that SS text him and said Crazy was mad and yelling at him and he didn't know what to do- apparently he was supposed to text her when he got to a football game Thurs night, and again when he left, but he didn't text at all because he "wasn't looking at his phone" *eyeroll*...so Crazy told him he's disrespectful and hates her and he's grounded and couldn't go to the college football game yesterday that some girl had invited him to. SS told DH "that isn't fair to the girl though because she didn't do anything and she bought me a ticket". So he was trying to somehow get DH to bail him out- which, DH and Crazy do not get along, at all, I don't know what he thought DH would do, even if he agreed with SS, which he didn't. DH said, idk what to tell you man, you need to find a way to communicate with your mom, I can't help you. Well well well SS, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions... he thinks he doesn't have to listen to anyone and he can just make excuses and get away with everything. Crazy never punishes SS, so we'll be surprised if she enforced that punishment. 

DH said he doesn't know what to do with him, or SD. They are both a lot right now and it's ALWAYS something. I completely agree, and they come tomorrow for a week, most of which they have off school for. I'm absolutely dreading it. I don't even want to look at SS, much less talk to him. 

Comments

Yesterdays's picture

That's pretty bad. Maybe missing that game will be somewhat of a wakeup call for his actions. He thought he'd tried to weasle his way with excuses to be able to go to the game. If your husband and bio mom band together and he doesn't go then that's a very good consequence that shows he can't get away with crap. Hopefully it helps 

CajunMom's picture

So, your SS16 THREATENS to punch someone and calls them FAT, spoken directly to his dad, your DH and he just got "remember who you are talking to?" "Wants to give him the benefit of the doubt??" How about this........Hey, son....do you realize you are 16 and could be charged as an adult if you threaten or HIT another person? Do you realize the coach could put a restraining order on you and you'd have to change schools or go to home school? Attend zero school games and events??  Sounds extreme? Maybe but that's what it calls for. A 16 year old threatening to punch people NEEDS an intervention. If not, he'll soon turn 18 and anything he does after that will be out of his dad's control...it will be up to the justice system. MInd you, this kid TEXTED this to his dad and probably texted it to others. Does he not know texts are used as evidence???

I raised a boy....active in school and sports. Not once did I ever hear my son threaten to hit a teacher / coach or anyone. IF I had, it would have been handled like above. I made sure my kids understood bad behavior has serious consquences and even worse once you turn 18. With our own society becoming so violent, this would be something I'd take care of immediately and seriously.

I swear...what the hell is going on in society when kids behave in such horrible ways and have minimal parental correction? 

TrueNorth77's picture

And to add to this, the fact that he thinks he can text this to his dad just goes to show what he thinks he can get away with, and how bold he is in his behavior. DH is working 2nd shift tonight-Wed, so it will be me with the skids, DH may only see SS for a few minutes when he gets home from work at almost 11:30pm. If I make it the whole night without going off on this kid it will be a miracle. I personally would tell him all of the things you said, along with the F*ck if you are going to threaten and say disrespectful things about one of our friends and your coach. I am really trying to disengage more, but have ended up yelling at SS each time he's here for one thing or another because I am so sick of this kid acting like he can do what he wants. I am the only person he isn't disrespectful to. So my plan is to basically not engage with him at all this week. What sucks is, I have a good relationship with SS. He usually is a good kid, but lately he is pushing EVERY boundary, and I'm sick of hearing him say the crap he does, so it's getting harder to like him. 

 

Stepdrama2020's picture

That these lil shits can dish it out but just can't take it.

Glad your DH will deal with it. 

One day SS will say this to the wrong person and man oh man consequences will be a learnt thingy for the lil prick.

TrueNorth77's picture

Yep! I think this is the first time someone has actually teased SS where it hit home, and look how he handles it.... not a great sign.

TrueNorth77's picture

Agreed. Apparently he throws things and bangs things around at Crazy's, and this isn't the first time he has threatened people. Although, a few times it was threatening boys who were picking on SD, but SD wasn't innocent either, so it was a bit much. DH agrees he flies off the handle and needs to learn to control his anger and has talked about it repeatedly with him, so the fact that he texts DH things like this just makes it clear none of it gets through and he thinks he can do what he wants.