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SD’s Complete alienation- Update

TrueNorth77's picture

Apologies in advance for the long post but this is a doozy.

Last I posted, SD14 wanted to stay with Crazy for a month- she hates DH all of a sudden, he makes her depressed and suicidal. She tried to set a demand that they meet and talk before she came here again, because she "doesn't feel safe here". Absolutely nothing has happened that would even remotely make her feel unsafe. This folks, is attention-seeking and parental alienation at its finest. SD had both DH and I blocked on text this whole month. The audacity of that in itself is enough to make me scream, but then Crazy asked if SK's could come by us this Fri instead of next Mon (so 3 days early) because she was going out of state with her bf. It's interesting that SD "doesn't feel safe" and Crazy has to been encouraging this nonsense, but it's sure safe enough to send the kids here 3 days early. Crazy tried to tell DH he had to meet with SD Fri before she came here. He said nope, he would talk to SD when she got here- SD is 14 and is not making demands. Crazy went on and on about how SD is "standing up for herself", but DH did not waver and said he would talk to her at our house on Fri.

Also of note, SD has been re-posting tik toks others have made about when you "scream at your dad in his face" (which she doesn't do) and one that said "behind every girl whose father didn't choose her is a stepdad who went above what he had to do". Crazy's BF of 10 months is the "stepdad" in this scenario. And he bought her a gerbil. But sure, he is the best and DH doing everything means nothing! She is the one who doesn't want to come here, he didn't "not choose her", But that doesn't fit the victim narrative, and DH didn't buy her a gerbil.

This is where things really get nuts. SD unblocked DH to text him he had to meet with her, repeating the whole "she doesn't feel safe" spiel. SD said she wouldn't come unless he met with her. DH said no again, this isn't a negotiation. DH said no again, see you Fri. I mean, what was she even hoping to achieve at a different location? She text him that he wasn't her father and he is just some guy she once knew who treated her bad, she would not be coming here, and "I know my rights, the cops won't enforce a custody agreement", and  "see you in court ___(DH's first name)".  What in the actual...?? Crazy messaged DH yesterday asking him to reach out to SD. SD doesn't feel like DH wants her here since SD said she only wanted to stay 1 extra week at Crazy's and DH turned it into a whole month. Gah. It was always a month!! Now she is changing the agreement to make DH the bad guy by saying it was only a week! Also, Crazy doesn't have anyone to stay with SD this wknd, so she's panicking. Now she's trying to patch things up in time for SD to come here Fri. You spent 8yrs alienating her, and now here we are. If it isn't the consequences of your own actions. 

I told DH to call SD to talk, so they did yesterday. The first thing she said is she doesn't want to come by us, she is happier with Crazy and she gets depressed at our house. Then she started yelling about how "her OWN FATHER" laughed at her about wanting to commit suicide. Which isn't what happened and she knows it, but she is intent on twisting it into that. DH tried to remind her of how that conversation really went and all of the positive things we said and how he got her meds changed, etc. She kept yelling, I could hear her from 2 rooms away. DH told her she wasn't going to speak to him like that, they would talk normally- more yelling. She said her "stepdad" is more of a father than DH ever was, she hates DH and will not come here, and will never call him anything but his first name. He couldn't even talk to her, she was so out of control. He finally said, you know what SD, there is such a thing as parental alienation and that is where you are at- you can stay at your moms. She yelled "good"! And they hung up. DH was so mad, he said he didn't even want her here because it's obvious she's completely gone, he doesn't even recognize her. We talked about if she ended up here and he said he doesn't even trust her- she's twisted everything we've said and is claiming to feel unsafe- What else will she do? So he immediately ordered cameras in case she somehow still ended up coming here on Fri. 

Shortly after they hung up, SD started sending DH completely unhinged, nasty texts in all caps. She said she is saving his texts and will show people and turn them against DH (there is nothing bad in his texts), and that "I stood up to you and I won! I won! And that he needs to tell his sister (SD's aunt, who takes SD camping every summer and to movies and completely spoils her) to stop stalking her tik tok page or she would "find out what happens", and to tell his wife (me) not to contact her, and that DH is a domestic violence abuser who physically abused her older sister (again- nope) and abused her mom and she hopes he goes to jail and stays there. DH tried to calmly reply to a few of these, but it just made it worse, so I told him to just stop- she was literally unhinged. 
Then Crazy messaged asking if DH told SD to stay with her? He said, SD was screaming at me and refuses to come here- he can't force her, but she is welcome here. Crazy replied, are you saying you want SD to remain in my custody? (Trying to get him to state he was giving up custody). DH said nope, she is refusing to come and I can't make her. Crazy tried to ask the same question several more times and he just said, refer to my last answer- it isn't going to change. 

SS17 text DH earlier asking, we aren't coming by you on Fri now? DH said, probably not, things went downhill with SD yesterday. So we don't know what Crazy plans on doing for childcare this wknd, but SD will not be coming here. I mean SS is 18 in 2 months, he could stay with her. But I don't think Crazy will be home on Monday when SS comes here. I am terrified Crazy is going to try and make SD come here Monday on their usual day. I do not want this kid near me. I know PAS isn't her fault, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with her. I feel so bad for DH, he has no idea what to do. I honestly can't even believe this is happening, it is so sudden and the change in her is pretty frightening. 



Rags's picture

I would smack Crazy with a contempt motion if SD is not delivered per the schedule. Every time.  I would let SD know that she is welcome to come early since her mother is more interested in riding her BF on a Fuck weekend than caring for her.  I would also be engaging with SS to come regardless of if SD comes or not as it is not his responsibility to supervise his manipulative dumb ass sister. (Using nicer words of course)

If  I were your DH I would also inform this not really batshit crazy  but attention seeking and uhinged kid that she will not call him by his first name. She will either refer to him as Dad, Father, or Mr. Last Name and he will not respond if she chooses otherwise.

Keep backing her idiot ass into a corner until she either catches a clue or her head explodes and she gets hauled off straight jacketed in the back of the padded van for an extended stay with Nurse Ratchet at the happy acres home for  the not really mentally ill manipulative progeny of people like Crazy.

She is a look at meeeeeee attention seeking POS kid. Nothing more.

IMHO of course.


TrueNorth77's picture

If SD ever spends time here again or with DH, he is not going to be ok with her trying to call him by his first name. She is getting a little too big for her britches and she really thinks she calls the shots, parents should act how you want them to, and if they don't, you take away your love. The manipulation is real. But I am fairly certain she has him blocked, or if she doesn't, anything he says will be met with more unhinged texts. There's no talking to her now. He is even more glad he never met her in public, because this just would have been a public spectacle. 

Now, we never asked for skids to come here early, so that's on Crazy to deal with. I personally do not want them here early. I could not imagine 9 days of this. I am more than happy with them staying by her or wherever they are staying this wknd. I don't even see how SD would come here Monday, or anytime soon. This feels like a long-term situation, her not coming here. It's not at a point where she wants to or is willing to see reason. 

Winterglow's picture

Stick to your guns on that. Crazy wants to go away for a dirty weekend? OK, then Crazy can pay for a sitter.  There is absolutely no reason for you to be her unpaid child minders. She wants a break? She pays for it.

Rags's picture

By my experience 4yrs in teh StepWorld goes fast. Though with this whacked out Skid and Crazy that you are dealing with that likely will unfold like a life prison senstense.

I think that it is time to get Crazy to court to stipulate OFW and only OFW, have the judge mandate therapy and slobber catatonic state inducing meds for the kid, and lock them both down to very strict and distant interface.

When she drops out of HS, and I think strongly that is a forgone conclusion, invoke forced emancipation and cut off all money going to Crazy for Skid support.  Pending a CO to that effect of course.

I'm sorry your DH has this shit storm to deal with. It has to be heartbreaking and infuriating.

Don't forget to take care of you.

TrueNorth77's picture

3+ yrs feels like a lifetime, unless she doesn't come back and we are early empty-nesters once SS goes to college in Aug! I don't hate the forced emancipation idea, but we have had OFW dictated through the court for 8yrs, it's the only way we communicate with that psychopath. 

AgedOut's picture

what a snotty little brat. 


Someone needs to remind her that tik tok in not real life. In real life we don't act the way she is. She's being an entitled, lying, out of control brat. Her mom made the monster, let her deal with it. 



Honestly, were I you, I'd be very scared to have her in your home w/ out constant video recording. She's already lying, imagine the lies she'd come up w/ if she were at your home. 

TrueNorth77's picture

The cameras were actually my idea and DH was all-in when I suggested it. He hopped on Amazon and ordered a 4-pack so they would be in every room (I thought 1 or 2 would be good), just to be sure we're covered. I told DH that how he is feeling, being accused of things he didn't do is exactly how I felt when SD accused me of "hitting her". It's maddening, because you know it didn't happen, but you can't stop the storyline she is creating. 

And Tik Tok has honestly emboldened her and made her feel justified to take this ridiculousness further. She loves the narrative of your dad being such a jerk, you yell at him and stand up to him because that's just soo badass, and then have no relationship with him because you were "abused" or have "trauma". The way she talked to him yesterday she has never even gotten close to prior, and this was after NOTHING happened. If she were to actually come here, she knows this would not fly. She would have nothing left, no phone, no door. DH already told her she was grounded when she comes here and Crazy said SD "didn't do anything", he shouldn't be threatening her with grounding. Ok, then she can stay by you and you can coddle her. No skin off my back, in fact at this point I prefer it. 

Evil4's picture

I would not want SD in my house after she made claims that DH is a domestic abuser. No one can ever be alone in that house with SD. Given how bad things are, I think it would be best to let SD stay at Crazy's and your DH can tell her his door is always open. If or when the time comes that SD wants visitation with her dad he can gradually rebuild the relationship by taking visitation outside the home and in public places. I would also insist on family therapy for DH and SD as a condition of her wanting to re-establish visitation with Dad again. She made wild claims that could very negatively impact a lot of people. She needs to learn the gravity of her claims. 

TrueNorth77's picture

I agree with this. What's insane is that yesterday Crazy sent DH a message saying she scheduled a Dr. appt. for SD on our time in April, and that DH needed to call the Dr. to reschedule if he can't take her. Um, are you not aware of the level this situation has escalated to?? I do not see regular visitation starting up again. SD is not backing down from her accusations and narrative, she is refusing to come here, and we aren't just going to have her here if she's going to act like a feral cat ready to make false accusations. DH actually said (granted he was really pissed at the moment) that Crazy can have custody, he will pay child support. I know he doesn't really mean that or want it, but he also isn't just going to let SD treat everyone like crap here. We're kind of waiting to hear word from Crazy requesting a custody change, but I honestly don't think she wants it.  

advice.only2's picture

I’m sorry your DH is going through this; it really is the worst.  My DH had custody of his Spawn because her mother is a drug addict.  Things were never great because she had been PASed pretty much since birth, but when Spawn was around 16 things just got insane.  One day DH was at work and gets a screaming phone call from Spawn about how he’s sending her mom to prison, and she hopes he’s happy with himself.  DH had zero clue what was going on, so he went home to try and talk to Spawn.  Basically Meth Mouth had been arrested on a DUI and was facing 30 days in prison….we knew about the DUI but that was it.  Meth Mouth called Spawn from court crying saying how DH arranged all of this…..sure!  So, DH is trying to talk to Spawn and be rational and Spawn is just texting with Meth Mouth the whole time about what a liar he is and the lies he’s telling her.  DH tried to pull up the court record to show Spawn and she screamed that the internet is all lies, then goes off on him about having all the cops in his pocket and how her boyfriend (a 23-year-old man we didn’t want her dating) had gotten a ticket for talking on his phone while driving.  She then goes on to tell DH he set that up and made sure the BF23 was targeted by all his police friends.  DH just sat there and listened to Spawn ramble on and on about all this crap that was just ridiculous.  He finally told her that obviously nothing he said was going to make a difference and ended the conversation.  Fast forward to years later, DH and Spawn are estranged.  They did meet up for dinner last year to see if things could be “repaired”, all Spawn did that whole dinner was dredge up shit and how DH was this evil person who ruined her, and her mom’s lives and has all the cops in his pocket….it was the same crap.  So just be prepared it never ends once they are this far gone.

TrueNorth77's picture

Yeah this has notes of what Crazy has told SD all over it. She once told SD that DH got more custody of skids initially because DH slept with the GAL and I slept with DH's lawyer. lol. Everything is twisted and for some reason whatever the "alienating" parent tells the kid is gospel, no matter how absolutely insane it is. I have hopes that SD may have an aha moment sometime, but it won't be soon, and it's just as likely that your story will be the same for DH and SD.   

advice.only2's picture

I legit held out hope for the a-ha moment and realized it was never coming.  Spawn did admit to DH at the dinner last year that her mom is crazy and messed up, but it’s her mom and she loves her warts and all.  Interesting how Spawn never showed DH that same kind of love and forgiveness and the worst he did was be a Disney Dad.

Felicity0224's picture

The more you post, the more familiar your situation sounds to ours with OSD when she was in her teens. Right down to the hysterics on the phone, the screaming, and the unhinged texts. I'm sorry, because I know it's both painful and infuriating to have a kid lash out like that for seemingly no reason. I think you said she has a therapist? I'd be curious to know how experienced that therapist is and if they're validating this type of behavior. It's so hard to know how to handle everything, but it seems evident that BM doesn't really want your SD full time, probably because she's a nightmare. She just wants the satisfaction of being the favorite parent while still having the convenience of dumping SD on y'all any time she wants to. 

In our case, OSD had a therapist who was barely 24 years old and still under professional supervision. OSD liked her because she was "cool" but the therapist had zero experience and she reacted emotionally to OSDs emotions, further convincing OSD that she was in fact a victim of neglect. It was a complete mess. What turned it around was her being committed to an inpatient program where she saw real, qualified therapists and psychiatrists. She started an mood stabilizer and an antidepressant, and that changed everything. Now she has a real therapist who she sees regularly - she is still an emotional person who has a tendency to over-dramatize everything, but she's at least able to distinguish fantasy from reality and work through conflict like a reasonable human now. 

TrueNorth77's picture

For unhinged teens and parentally alienating parents. They all seem to follow the same storyline. 

SD does have a therapist, and at first we thought it was helpful, mostly because SD liked talking to her. DH talked to her once and she seemed reasonable and rational. But when the therapist called a meeting with DH, SD, and Crazy, and facillitated SD staying at Crazy's for a month and even told Crazy that the cops would not enforce a Custody agreement for a teen, that is when we started questioning if she was just enabling SD's behavior or actually helping her. In that meeting, she also told DH and Crazy that if SD didn't go to school while at Crazy's, maybe they should just send her to our house. Like we are the punishment house?? And if SD's suicidal statements really started to becoming a concern at Crazy's, then maybe she should come to our house then since there is someone "always here". Me. I'm the one who is always here, because I WFH. So again, somehow our house is the place to go if Crazy cannot handle things or parent properly. WTF? What therapist suggests this?? I wasn't even there to agree to being the babysitter of a suicidal teen, Nor would I have agreed. DH said absolutely not, and that he couldn't believe this conversation was even happening. He told the counselor he felt like he was in some alternate universe where parental alienation is ok. The counselor started CRYING in the meeting. She then backtracked and said she "thinks SD should stay with DH and keep the custody agreement". Good grief. Then she wrote a note excusing SD from school the day before (when SD didn't go to school because of her 4:15pm counseling appt, even though she gets home from school at 3:35pm), and for the day of this meeting, which was 45 mins and SS could have taken her to school after. But she missed 2 days of school because Crazy let her stay home. 

That's the long way of saying, this counselor is really something. I don't even see how we could force SD to change to someone else, because she likes her and Crazy loves that she is enabling and supporting the alienation. SD is on new meds, but she is acting like this on them, so I don't have high hopes. We feel like there is nothing we can even do at this point.   

Rags's picture

If she is legitimately suicidal, keep her at BMs.  BM can then live with that guilt and depending on how SD goes out, BM can clean up the mess.  Do not risk that those actions are taken by SD in your home.

I would bet a boat load of money that this is all just attention seeking PASd Teen bullshit and she is not in fact suicidal.

Heaven forbid if I am wrong.


TrueNorth77's picture

You are absolutely right. Even her therapist agrees. F'ng kids man. 

CLove's picture

That sucks for DH, but you definitely need to protect yourselves. She sounds a LOT like Feral Forger SD24almost25.

She would always twist the truth around like a pretzel, repeating it with odd details and spins, and then continues repeating to anyone that will listen.

Lie: I told her she was ugly. Truth: one night I told her she needs to be nicer to everyone, and stop being so mean. She gets mad and proceeds to yell at me telling me Im ugly cursing etc.

Lie: her father abused her emotionally and physically truth: her father yelled at her, sure, but he also took care of her, and carted her around because she had no interest in driving, bought her what she needed because no interest in job. She kept herself in hr room a lot. Was drugged up by mothers drs.

And so on.

Your SD is too far gone. Who knows if she will ever come back. Thats very sad, but Im glad that your dH is seeing how it is and responding appropriately.

TrueNorth77's picture

DH and I feel like she is too far gone for this to turn around any time soon also. And they sure do love to throw around th emotional and physical abuse, don't they?

But Crazy has been sending him messages all day demanding he call SD and "work things out". She once again said he promised to take skids tomorrow while she is away. So she doesn't have anywhere for them to go and doesn't want to leave them alone. She sure as hell isn't canceling her trip apparently. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of her being here. He is installing the cameras now. While I want him to have a relationship with her, neither of us think this phone call is going to go any differently, so the thought of her somehow still coming make me nauseaus. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I hope he is ignoring all of BM's attempt of contact. He has responded, no reason to keep engaging. For your sake, I hope SD does not come. If she does, please protect yourself when you are around her.

TrueNorth77's picture

Even though she is basically saying the same thing, over and over, trying to get him to grovel so SD can come before her trip. He needs to just stop responding. Just because Crazy messages, does not mean it warrants a response, even with what is happening. One of our communication guidelines for OFW is "no repetetive messaging". He keeps engaging so she keeps sending them. 

Winterglow's picture

So Crazy not onlywants him to supply free childminding but also wants him to grovel and beg for the privilege? I think not!

I think that the chances are high that SD would refuse to come no matter what and even if she did that she'd do a runner...

TrueNorth77's picture

SD called DH last night, because Crazy made her. SD immediately said she was not going to come here, she wasn't ready, and she was going to stay with the couple she babysits for while Crazy is gone. Which is completely random, she must have actually ASKED them if she could stay there. SD said she is not ready to come here, and she doesn't know when she will be. DH said that's fine- he wants her to come here, he loves her, she is always welcome and the door is always open when she is ready, but he's not going to force her or call the police to enforce custody. He said, I love you and am here to support you. She said "My mom supports me". And started to say something about not feeling safe here again but he stopped her and said, ok, we are not starting this again, I love you, you are always welcome here. SS apparently is coming here today, which, whatever, but a skid-free house is always the best house for us. 

I have no idea how Crazy thought that DH talking to SD would turn this around. She is such a dumb box. SD is not in the mindset to turn it around. She doesn't want to come here, period. I felt a weight lifted. Prior to the call, DH had been putting up the cameras he bought, just in case... 

Rags's picture

Hmmm.  Daddy shagging the baby sitter is not an uncommon thing.

If I were the father of a toxic manipulative coddled teen girl COD who refused visitation to stay with the couple she "babysits" for while BM is out of town, my RADAR would activate for sure.

I would insist on the names and contact information for the "couple".  I would then call in a wellness check request to CPS/LE while BM is out of town just to make sure that Teeny is not riding the daddy at the house where she baby sits.  If they find nothing, no harm no foul. Just a concerned daddy confirming the safety of his daughter. If it isn't innocent, then BM and SD are on the RADAR screen of the authorities and maybe that starts some effective action.

With this toxic BM created shit show, nothing is outside of the bounds of possibility.

Felicity0224's picture

The craziest part of that story to me is that there are people who let SD care for their children? Do they know how volatile she is? Or, is this an indication that she can in fact turn "it" off and on at will? I would be incredibly tempted to tell BM, "if you believe that SD is threat to herself, then you absolutely should not be allowing her to babysit for anyone." 

TrueNorth77's picture

She can turn it off for sure. She is a brat to her friends, but she is mostly just showing this BS to DH and Crazy. I've met the people she babysits for, I'm actually the one who got her the job. They are nice and apparently SD likes them and likes babysitting for them. I'm sure they see the nice, normal SD, although now I'm sure they heard an earful about her "abusive" dad...

Cover1W's picture

EXACTLY what happended with my OSD, different people, different location, different subjects but SAME AGENDA!  I get it - remember my last post on your last blog?  SAME thing just happened. I hope you and/or DH are keeping all the correspondence saved for a future use. There's just not much you can do at this point. So sad.

TrueNorth77's picture

I was thinking of your story when this happened. But I went back and read your comment on my other blog because I didn't remember all of the details, and it is INSANE how similar this is to what happened to you guys!! Even with SD now saying she's scared to come here. It's almost like a future predictor of how this will go. Obviously there could be many different outcomes, and I still hold out a small hope that SD comes to her senses one day, but she is also VERY like Crazy- prone to drama, and she has become so hateful. I could barely believe it was her when she was yelling at DH on the phone because of the awful things she was saying. She has never been like that, but her mom sure has. 

I will remind DH to keep all communication and times he has reached out, that's a great idea. 


Cover1W's picture

I hold a little tiny piece of me that hopes OSD will someday soon contact DH for at least a brief conversation, but like a .0000001% chance right now. She's embroiled in a group of young women at college who share her viewpoints of men in general (yep, man-haters) and her disdain of DH probably is fed by them. Because there couldn't be another side of the story can there? He thinks now he may die before seeing her again. Which is terrible. He is dealing with this by his therapy appointments, which help, but don't solve anything for him. Because there's nothing to solve.



TrueNorth77's picture

That's exactly it, you can't solve it when there is no real logic, and the thoughts in these kids heads are not even accurate. I feel for your DH. I hope this doesn't happen for us, but my DH is really resilient at least. I don't see him moping around his whole life about this. I think he would be sad at times, but DH has this ability to compartmentalize and put negative things in a space and almost forget about them and turn off emotions related to them. I think he would do this with SD if she continues to want nothing to do with him. He said he almost doesn't remember any of his 16yrs with Crazy. He feels disconnected from it, like it almost didn't happen. He has completely put it in a little box and locked it up. 

thinkthrice's picture

Textbook!  BMs and skids all read from the same script.  How biodad is just a sperm donor, how stepDAD is the REAL dad, how skid doesn't feel safe, feels uncomfortable at biodad's house, how bioDAD chooses SM and his "new" family over skid, how SM and biodad are the meanies, don't care, biodad and SM "abused" me, blah blah blah. 

I think most of us here with PASed out skids can tell you their story which will sound word for word what you just posted.

TrueNorth77's picture

We knew we were dealing with PAS. But on a smaller scale. The way this escalated to a 10 and just boiled over within a matter of weeks has our heads spinning. And here is Crazy sending DH OFW messages saying "You need to work on your relationship with SD". Are you F'ng kidding me?!? You have said ONLY negative things and lies about him for 8yrs and she hates him now. YOU did this! But now he will also be the bad guy because he can't fix it, and the door is open for StepDAD to come in and be father of the year. DH can't win. If this is how it's going to be, part of me hopes we just go no contact until/if she wakes up. I do not want to do weeks or wknds filled with screaming, stress, lies and drama, only for nothing to be better.  I will do what DH wants, but I think he feels the same. 

Cover1W's picture

BM said things like this to DH too, that HE needed to calm down and fix things, that HE needed to correct his behavior, all while only believing OSD13s side of things and crazy explanations!  He tried talking with BM many times about it and about how OSD needed to come back to our house to work things out and talk with him. All her talk and NO action. She never once made sure OSD communicated with DH, not even to get her butt to therapy that he specifically set up for the three of them and paid for out of pocket. She only supported OSD (who also ran BMs house and did what she wanted!). There's no winning, correct. I can tell you our home is not stressful because she's not there. Even DH has mentioned that in the past when she was first gone. 

thinkthrice's picture

Word for word.  Girhippo: "Chef needs to work on his relationship with his children. "   --when he finally wised up, stopped the child chasing then dropped the rope.

The truth is that the PAS simmers behind the scenes and then culminates in a big explosion once biodad expresses his exhaustion with puckering up to the BM's and skid's dark and unsanitary places.

CastleJJ's picture

DH will always be the devil until SD or BM need something from him. During those times, he needs to stick to his guns. BM and SD made this mess, they get to deal with it. SD needs to learn that she can't walk all over everyone's boundaries, withhold love as a form of punishment, and abuse the people who are trying to help her. And at the same time, she can't come around or "move on" from the situation when she needs something or it's on her terms. She has burned her bridges and it's going to take significant effort for HER to fix this. DH is doing everything right in this situation by not feeding into it. 

I guarantee if DH groveled for her love and apologized, her tune would have done a complete 180 and she would have been all lovey dovey with him because he was giving her attention. It is not DH's job to resolve this, but we all know he will be damned if he does and damned if her doesn't in BM and SD's eyes. Oh well, their loss!

Cover1W's picture

I am so proud of DH for standing up to OSD and BM when they came playing nice for college $$ for OSD. And OSD blew it. And he said, then the answer is NO.

Which likely reinforced the OSDs hatred but he's never regretted not paying.

TrueNorth77's picture

So we will see how quickly this changes, or what they try and get DH to pay for if it doesn't. SD is almost 15, she cannot wait to drive and will want a car, plus insurance, etc. She has already been told she needs to buy the car and should be saving up for it, and DH has paid for all of SS's ins, so he said he is not paying for SD's also. Crazy can pay for it or have SD pay for it, but he's not a bank. I will bet $ that Crazy still will ask for DH to pay. Or SD will start to see how much it sucks without her dad, who "never did anything for her", helping her to pay for things, and come crawling back to get some $ out of him. 

 I keep telling myself this is PAS, it's not her fault. But between seeing the tik toks she's reposting (I have unfollowed her so I no longer see them), and the way she is acting and the nasty things she is saying to DH, I can't help but think she turned into an evil little demon like her mom. 

CastleJJ's picture

She is not responsible for the PAS but she is responsible for her behavior. The screaming at DH, the disrespect, being demanding, etc. All of that behavior is 100% on her. She is old enough to know better. 

Harry's picture

I would not let SD in my home after she accused me of committing a crime.   You can go to jail if the police believe this.  No she crossed a line that can not be un crossed. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Damn. It's sad that SD is so unhinged but also oddly satisfying to think of Crazy possibly now not being able to go on her vacay. I agree that it's not safe to have her in your home. Maybe DH can do family therapy with her, meet her for lunch, etc., but the risk of false accusations is just too high.

Your SD reminds me of my SO's niece. Alienated so badly, accused her father and uncle (My SO) of molesting her, secretly recorded all conversations with family and played them back out of context to create drama. At one point her BM couldn't handle her. The BM sent her to my SO's house to visit for a week along with her sister, then went into hiding for an entire summer, stating she could no longer handle the girls. I helped, too, by keeping them at my house for a week. That summer was the turning point for me and led to my disengagement from SO's entire family. Some kids are just hard broke. 

JustanotherSM17's picture

This reads like what my SD14 is going through, only if SD14 talked to my DH like that he would not be entertaining her craziness by continuing to talk to her . Also I don't think it's fair to not see SS because of SD. I would let SS know that you will get him but SD will not be coming due to her behavior. SS should not be punished to baby sit her and BM should be forced to find child care since this is her fault. Put this back on BM , also BM need to come out of the middle and stop hitting up DH for ever little "can you talk to SD" That's exhausting just to hear . Leave both BM and SD 14 out . Let SD know that once she apologizes for her psychotic rant she will be allowed to come back over . 

Rags's picture

We have a reverse view on this topic. Same situation, 180*view looking at the same point.

 I am StepDad and I am SS's REAL dad. His BioDad is a POS.  That did not stop SpermGrandHag from playing the PAS cards hard every visitation they bothered to take.  

From very young SS knew that StepDad is the dad married to his mom.  From that same age he also knew that BioDad is the dad that made him with his mom. When they started their PASing "He's not your real dad, he is only your StepDad." he in short order knew that a REAL dad is the dad that loves he and his mom very much, works hard to provide a nice safe home, good food, good schools, safe vehicles to ride in, health insurance, teaches him to read, write, tie his shoes, coaches his sports teams, etc, etc, etc. 

Even at the young single digit ages he had his own that "A StepDad sounds like a real dad to me.".

We made it a point to keep him abreast of the facts to prevent just the kind of thing that so many STalker bio dad SOs are victimized by.  We never isolated SS from the SpermClan.  Had they been able, they would have isolated SS from us in a heartbeat.

IMHO, zero tolerance from this kind of crap has to happen.  If the opposition tries this, they need to never rest, never get a break, and never not be confronted assertively.  The lesson that the SpermClan learned early in our marriage was that games hurt. They hurt legally, financially, socially, and factually.  Factually appied to what SS was introduced to in an age appropriate manner.  They manipulated. SS received the facts that countered their lies and manipulations..  Quid pro quo.  As he got older, and as their PAS, lies, manipulation, etc... piled up he learned their tells and established his own smell test for their crap.  He also started defending himself and calling out their lies, etc... in real time when they pulled their crap when he was in SpermLand for visitation.

Their games did not end when he turned 18 and aged out from under the CO 3mos after he graduated from HS.  The facts had prepared him to protect himself from them as an adult just as he increasingly used the facts to protect him from them as a minor.  He is now 31 doing well in his life, in his community, and in his profession.  They are still toxic. Sadly, his three younger half sibs are crashing and burning because they did not have the facts, they did not have quality adults protecting them from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool if it is only half of their gene pools.  With my SS, they are the progeny of a common Spermidiot, but the younger three are spawned by two other baby mamas.  They do not have the advantage of having the incredible mother my son has.  Baby mama #2 is the mother of  Spawn #2  who has been on the dole for nearly a decade. Baby mama #3 is the mother of Spawn #3 who is in prison, and Spawn #4 who is not far behind the inmate.

Whatever it takes, these types of toxic people have to be attacked incessently for their toxicity, manipulation, PASing kids, undermining the quality side of a kid's blended family. They and their crap cannot be tolerated.  Kids need to be fully informed on the facts, the crap their shit parent is perpetrating, and be held to a choice to either defend themselves from THEM or ignore reality.  Though from some angles this certainly could be viewed as PAS, it still has to happen. Even if it causes pain for the kids.

Shit is shit, even if it tries to polish itself with PAS, undermining the other parent, etc... Matter how much they polish, the kid needs to see, know, and smell that the toxic side is nothing but shit. It may look shiney, but, it is still just a shiney turd.  And a turd, no matter how shiney, is shit.

IMHO of course.