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Blog for positive loving step-parents only. All others will be flagged offensive.

Tranquility's picture

Submitted by Tranquility on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:10pm

I love my kids, I have made great progress with all of them and even my husband told me last night "This house feels like a home and I am the happiest man in the world". The kids are not fighting, not crying, not hitting, there is a warm meal on the stove, we played golf and afterwards spent time reading and coloring with the children. My 5 yo brought me a flower she picked and smiled at me like the adorable little girl she is, rather than the loud angry child I first took into my house. There were times when I thought there is no way this would work, and now I cannot wait to go home, no matter which one of the children are waiting for us at home Smile

PS: If you are uncomfortable being a loving, positive step-parent on this site, please PM me and we can discuss wonderful things about our children Smile

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:11pm

Happy that it is working for you....It is great when it goes well...But, unfortunately most of us suffered through hell to get to the happy...

Tranquility's picture

Submitted by Tranquility on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:17pm

Yes, there have been relationships when I read problems pretty early on and knew I would not be able to solve anything, because the bio parents fed off each other's drama and the kids and I were stuck in-between.

My DH is a good man, very supportive of all of us and eliminates drama as it has the potential to unfold.

As much as I think BM is not fulfilling her duties, I even told the kids "Parents do the best they can, you can now teach her what you need from her, you need to succeed in establishing a relationship with your mother rather than run away from her to our safe haven".

Every day is a challenge, but most problems have solutions. And there is prayer, as well. Hang in there Smile

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:24pm

" . . . you need to succeed in establishing a relationship with your mother rather than run away from her to our safe haven."

Sorry, but this statement implies superiority to the BM in the situation. It's called PAS. It can be blatant as in, "Your mother/father is an idiot p.o.s. who doesn't pay child support, love you, or ever want to see you." But it can also be subtle as in stating that your home in the situation is the safe haven and implying that their mother's home is inferior. It may well *be* inferior, but that is for the children to decide in their own time, not a conclusion for thier SM to lead them to.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:25pm

Yep!

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:27pm

I'm suprised that the good doctor doesn't know this.

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:41pm

Oh, and for the record, I *do* love my SS. What I hate is the way my DH responds to situations involving anything SS, the way his BM has raised him with *no* boundaries or discipline, and the way my MIL (and many of DH's other blood relatives) treats me.

So yeah, not everyone here is griping about skids; many are much more upset at the circumstances in which they find themselves as a result of the horrendous actions of the other adults in the situation.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:17pm

you have been flagged, you're totally trying to start more shit on the board!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:34pm

I actually agree with Dollfaced. As much as we think negatively of BM's parenting, we can't say anything about it to the kid or we are PAS'ing them towards her....Answer is no negativity...

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:19pm

Sounds dreamy, but I can't afford it.

ETA: (I forgot to add a happy face) Smile

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:18pm

I think someone found those rose tinted spectacles I lost...

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:19pm

Why did the Sound of Music pop into my head as I read this???

capt_lou's picture

Submitted by capt_lou on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:21pm

My selfish, materialistic SD15 would love you. She would just put on a smile, say yes ma'am, may I kiss your Arse ma'am and get her cash and give you the finger behind your back.

Way to raise kids that think they should get paid for giving respect.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:26pm

DH did this with SD15. Now she won't even get something out of the car for him without holding her hand out and demanding money. I won't let him do this to the other kids!!

tweetybird74's picture

Submitted by tweetybird74 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:21pm

Tranquility, as you I get along with my SS very well, we had some troubled teenage years and when I say we it was my Dh and I, he has been a bit of a difficult child, but he is slowly growing up. I think the biggest point to this site is for step parents to vent about all the issues they have and hear from others that are going through the same types of problems. Some of us have it easier than others, there are many times I do not agree with what is written on her by others but in cases where I feel I have some experience or advise I do try to offer it. One of my first posts on this site got everyone into an uproar and made me realize that it is not always easy for everyone her, they may not hav a supportive DH, they may have a crazy BM and the list goes on and on. I am fortunate that BM is pretty non existant and she does not make my life miserable, my DH has taught my SS to be respectful to all adults including me and if he was not, it was dealt with by DH right then and there. It is great to hear that things are going well for you, I just do not think you will get very many PM's as most of the people on this site do not have such happy stories.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:26pm

****

Tranquility's picture

Submitted by Tranquility on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:23pm

Yes, Arianna- I never call my children "step". I say "This is my daughter". I truly love them as my own. I don;t feel comfortable physically holding them like my bio children, and I told them that and that their mommy needs to nurture them that way, but she is truly MIA for them. One was dropped at the door in swim suit, wet and cold, never went back until I coached her how to try to re-establish a connection to her mother and that alcoholism is a disease and that she needs to help her mother out of that dark place. The 5 yo is staying over the summer but fights with us 100% of the time, never wants to leave our house, and I am starting to give her the skills to cope with short visits to her mother's or bio family and I think she will be OK.

I told them that adults need a couple of hours by themselves, to golf or have fun together by themselves, because that makes us nicer parents to them, and they are starting to allow us a little more private time and go see their bios for a little while.

My DH and I agreed that even in the event one of us dies, we will continue to check in with all the kids and see how they are doing for the rest of each other's lives.

Arianna, I am interested in learning from you what made your step-mom so good to you. Tell me your entire story Smile

Tranquility's picture

Submitted by Tranquility on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:27pm

There is nothing offensive about starting a positive board. You are welcome to excuse yourself from it if you don't like it.

And insults will be ignored. Grow up. Your children are out-growing you as you are typing...

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:29pm

"And insults will be ignored. Grow up."
---------------------------------------
Did you just ignore yourself when you posted that?

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:30pm

I am offended she told us to grow up. Should I flag her?? Decisions, Decisions.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:38pm

What does "dicking the dog" mean?? I am cracking up right now!! Is it a crew reference?

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:40pm

LOL! In my head I kept thinking it was "dog dicking". Obviously I don't know what it means either.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:39pm

I have a mental picture of a slimy pink "lipstick" burned into my eyeballs. Thank you. :sick:

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:29pm

Um...for the record...good luck flagging people as offensive simply because you don't like what they are saying. I am sure Admin will LOVE you. Smile

realitycheckmom's picture

Submitted by realitycheckmom on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:34pm

I thought this was a venting site and as such this blog post goes against what the site was set up for. Am I incorrect in thinking this way?

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:41pm

Nothing wrong with her posting about being happy...It is something to aspire to. I am happy now with DH and SS but had to sacrifice SD16 to get here...So while I get that she is happy, I am still skeptical that happiness doesn't last and her kids are not teenagers yet....That will be the true test to her happiness by how well her DH backs her up and the kids don't get rebellious.

Don't condemn someone for thinking it is working well for them. As we have all seen, a blended family dynamic has its ups and downs. It is never the same...Give it time and she may very well be as realistic as the rest of us...

Congrats Tranquility on having success in your blended family now...Enjoy it while it lasts....

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:49pm

I expect implosion on this by what say 9pm est? Anyone who isn't roses and sunshine will be flaggex (except origi al poster) and insults ignored but it's ok for the op to insult us as well as to tell us how we are allowed to express ourselves. This should be fun.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:50pm

I have to be honest & tell you, IMO, this soothy clinical breathy "please...tell me your entire story" thing is a little creepy.

It almost sounds like you yearn for your stepkids to meld into your skin.