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Found this on the net, Kind of Long, But it's good!

tofurkey's picture

"Nobody ever gets married with the intent of getting a divorce. Most of us think that our marriages will last forever. Divorce, and children born out of wedlock, are the number one contributors of stepfamilies. Most
women go into the situation delusional. Women think sacrificing, being kind, and giving to stepkids will make them like you. Well it won't. I don't care how hard you try, If the children have made up in their minds that they're not going to like you, chances are, they won't.

The first thing that comes out of a persons mouth when they hear about the problems surrounding stepfamilies is, "think about the children." Most stepmothers do, at first, but after a while, that crap gets old. Unless you have experienced being a stepmother, my reply to those people would be to "put a sock in it."

Experts are great. They offer advice that can be helpful to a certain extent, but most of them have never been stepparents. Every situation is different, and every child is different. It would be difficult to apply the same techniques to every household with stepchildren, and expect it to work. In a perfect world, the books would work for everybody. Unfortunately, we live in the real world, and perfect rules don't apply.

Every since "Cinderella," Stepmothers catch a lot of flack. most are referred to as the wicked stepmother. Guess what, in most cases that is far from the truth. Women know that there are children involved before entering into a serious relationship with a man. They are more than willing to go above and beyond the call of duty to make his kids feel welcomed, and loved. I know women who have sacrificed their careers, and educations to be there for their stepkids. All they got in return, were a couple of angry stepchildren, a ruined career, and no education. I can't begin to tell you how many women regret sacrificing everything that was important to them, to help raise children who won't even give them respect.

I would be willing to bet, that if most stepmothers knew then, what they know today about stepparenting, they would run the other way, without giving it a second thought. Not because they don't love their husbands, but because they don't want to spend the rest of their lives living in misery. Ladies, consider yourself lucky if your stepchildren don't live with you. That means that you don't have to deal with the biological mom everyday.

Many biological mothers are so preoccupied with revenge, that they don't stop to realize how their behaviors affect their children. All they want to do is break up a marriage, just because theirs didn't work. As a stepmother, you want to think about the kids, but you can't revolve your life around making them comfortable. The biological mother has more of a responsibility to her kids than the stepmother does. The biological mother should learn to put aside her feelings, and think about her children. As a stepmom, you can't take responsibility for every child in the world. As long as you know that you tried your best to do what was right, then you have no reason to feel bad when you decide to wash your hands of the situation."


on the fence's picture

That is good! I think most DHs need to read that while they are still BF or DF. It might help if they understood what they are asking of the woman they supposedly love.

tofurkey's picture

Uhmmm I probably should have retained that info lol. I was just looking up random things on google and this woman had written a whole bunch of articles on being a step mother.