Stupid Stuff Your H Says Quotes--Let's Hear 'Em
So yeah you could consider this blog a bit negative. But what the hell. Anyway, there are MANY stupid things that Chef says where I have to keep from laughing hysterically. Here's a recent one.
Backstory: Chef now is working in my "old" county just to the north of us where I raised my bios. He has it in his mind that this county is full of backward hicks (look who's talking Chef). Well I can safely say that the county just to the EAST of us (BM and Chef's former county) is truly the Empire of White Trash Nation. No where in my old county is there such dilapidation. NOWHERE!! In BM and Chef's former county, inbreeding reigns supreme!!! Sex offenders as far as the eye can see!!! A "boat dock" that looks like a mud puddle disguised as a SWAMP! Complete with RAFTS made out of pallets!!! Littered with circa 1982 RVS up on blocks!!! Engines hanging from ropes fastened to trees! The main street literally looks like a third world country. Hell, you can hear BANJOS warming up!!!
Anyway he came home and went on to mention some sort of sordid thing that happened in my old county. I said "Oh just as much drama goes on to the EAST of us (wink wink) He IMMEDIATELY got offended and said:
"That sort of stuff NEVER happens in (Gir and My old county) the ONLY problem YOU have with (that county) is that my EX WIFE lives there."
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Of course he was full of bourbon and I wasn't going to argue with a toddler but it was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud in his face.
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Chucky doesn't throw
Chucky doesn't throw tantrums. This said 3 days after a screaming tantrum that involved thrashing about over a Naartjie while screaming in a high pitched cry.
Oh I gave up long ago. He's
Oh I gave up long ago. He's been a Girhippo AND HER MOTHER defender since day one. It's too bad the Gir married up--I have suggested many times he get back together with her. Hell he even believes the Battleaxe Galactica (BM's BM) over his own brother. BG told Chef when he was married to the Gir that she "never got any CS and that biodad to the Gir was a deadbeat scum" (TM)
UMMM do you see a PATTERN HERE CHEF??? Chef's own brother was good friends with BG's EX. The Gir's biodad told Chef's brother that his "new wife was complaining about how much CS he had to pay to BG!!"
"THAT'S A LIE COOKED UP BY MY BROTHER" sayeth Chef.
(MASSIVE EYEROLL)
Currently he's on the bourbon
Currently he's on the bourbon and butter diet. Hopefully it will catch up with him. So far the only thing he's come down with is a mysterious rash on his upper thighs. Me thinks chaffing.
Butter?
Butter?
Chef is like the stray dog
Chef is like the stray dog that you take in and discover that it bites you when you feed it and it gives it's fleas to you. Yet you can't seem to part with it because you know no one else would want it and you don't want to do society at large a disservice.
Kinda. He's more like the
Kinda. He's more like the ugly mole that was once a beauty mark on your arm that you just haven't gotten around to removing. We are more like roommates than anything else. He tells me that I "keep him grounded." In other words I'm the adult in this relationship.
"Chef is like the stray dog
"Chef is like the stray dog that you take in and discover that it bites you when you feed it and it gives it's fleas to you. Yet you can't seem to part with it because you know no one else would want it and you don't want to do society at large a disservice."
OMG, Thrice! I think that is now how I am going to describe Asshat Dh to people. If you don't mind me using it?
'SS and SD really aren't
'SS and SD really aren't "bad" kids'
No, not at all, because good kids shoplift, do drugs, lie, steal, cheat, drink, fail school etc. {eye roll}
I heard that one too over and
I heard that one too over and over again.
"They're GOOD kids!"
"They're LATE BLOOMERS like I was" (uhmm still looking for your petals to open Chef and you're 47)
yss had a minor medical
yss had a minor medical emergency a few wks ago.
afterward, i'm sitting on the back deck w/ dh and yss comes out and starts his normal m.o. dh tells him "now, i know u've had that medicine and all, but just please be careful." he goes back inside and i said "hun, ya miiiight want to be careful saying that, it may actually encourage him to act out more and feel it's ok to just blame the medicine."
dh responds "he actually hasnt had any medicine."
me - "uhhhh, then why did you say that?"
dh - "he's had a rough few hours, so just to make him feel special and taken care of."
Yeah like EVERY kid needs
Yeah like EVERY kid needs MEDICINE to feel "special and taken care of" Good precedent, daddy-o.
Story: I got a new dog he's
Story: I got a new dog he's so friggin cute and sweet and I talk baby to him. I admit it and I don't care if it's wrong. My H hates it. I think mostly because I pay more attention to the dog than him.
I said to my dog (in baby talk) "he's mommy's little baby - yes him is." Kissing sounds kissing sounds.
H: "We used to make fun of T for talking to her kids like that."
what's your point?
Me: "who's we?"
H: "me and Sasquatch"
Me: "So in order to get me to stop talking baby to the dog you will make a comment that makes you and sasquatch seem superior to me? "You and Sasquatch would be making fun of me right now for talking baby to the dog"
H: Stutter stutter stutter..."ummmm no I just meant we used to make fun of T for teaching her kids bad grammar."
Me: Dog is not a kid...
H: "You have stories like that with your X"
Me: I've never once shared a story with you about my X because what he and I did IS NEVER RELEVANT TO MINE AND YOUR MARRIAGE - you got that????" (angry and yelling)
This is a common way my H will try to get me to stop doing something he doesn't like. He will belittle me into submission. Or so he thinks, so instead I rebel more and do it more. }:)
LJ!!! Where in the world
LJ!!! Where in the world have you been chica???! Hopefully things have been quiet for you??
WELCOME BACK LJ!!! Yeah
WELCOME BACK LJ!!! Yeah don't you just LOVE those apple and orange comparisons?
Yea pretty quiet. A lot has
Yea pretty quiet.
A lot has happened but nothing to speak of really.
Hello to you all!
Yea and the next time my H
Yea and the next time my H says 'we' he better be talking about me and him, not him and Sasquatch.
I talk to the cats - not in
I talk to the cats - not in baby talk though - but I also answer FOR the cats. Yes I am weird.
here's one for u - the first
here's one for u -
the first time i told him "dude, mommy's getting soaked, if u're gonna shit u better hurry up and hunch it!" he looked at me and sighed as if to say "but mooom i wasnt done sniffing!" then promtly "did his thing." :jawdrop:
if he's done something naughty, when i walk in the door he comes to me with this look as if to say "sorry mom please dont be mad."
this is the same dog that licks my tears to see what kind of crying i'm doing. if it's frustrated cry, he'll plant his ass next to me like a guard dog. if it's sad cry, he'll try to give me hugs.
sadly it's become more based on sight or touch as the old man's going deaf
he is my baby. i will be
he is my baby. i will be absolutely destroyed when it's time for him to cross the rainbow bridge. i'm just thankful he's lived *well* past their average lifespan, and he's still happy and healthy so hopefully he'll be blessed for a few more years.
i lurve mah boy!
It's not the talking it's the
It's not the talking it's the "baby talking," he hates. I will never stop }:) I sing to my animal too. I make up songs about him and sometimes I call him 'shithead' like the Jerk's dog.
I'm seriously crazy about this animal. He snuggles with me like a person. H is just jealous
Not mocking. These were
Not mocking. These were actual QUOTES.
You know, Tog I'm very
You know, Tog I'm very sympathetic to your plight. I was in the same shoes as you and your DH whether you want to believe that or not.
The only difference is that my "DH" decided to blame me and turn on me; that and the fact that he was a HUGE guilty daddy akin to Sweet T's ex. In the early days, before all the drama that the BM and skids created, he used to profess his undying love for me; not that it means anything to me now. Actions speak louder than words.
Now your DH may not blame you or the DHs of several women on here that have super fantastic supportive husbands. But it is what it is. There is such a thing as a loveless marriage/relationship which people before me have lived in for centuries.
I like my house and I'm not about to go through any more drama of kicking him out, fearing what kind of payback or revenge he'll exact. Because he WON'T take the "high road" with me. That was reserved for the GUBM and I've had enough drama for seven lifetimes.
If you can't LAUGH you'll CRY.
"SD is sooo bored at BM's
"SD is sooo bored at BM's house"... AND :?
When I ask SO why he allows SS to hit kids at school, not do classwork, throw fits in class. His response "Well, he's SS" ...What does that even mean?
Hey Sweet Pea!
Hey Sweet Pea!
My mom was staying with us on
My mom was staying with us on her vacation and let me know SD16 was being rude rolling her eyes and sighing every time she walked by my mom and blaring her radio in the kitchen when my mom was watching t.v.....I mention it to SO. He says: I guess SD doesn't like your mom. Guess we have a house full of jerks.
Nice parenting SO!....NICE!
O>>>>>>>M>>>>>>>>G It's ok to
O>>>>>>>M>>>>>>>>G
It's ok to treat an adult like shit because the child doesn't like her? Wow....that's awful
Me: SS had another accident
Me: SS had another accident in his underpants.
Asshat: Are you SURE they are HIS?
*insert eye roll followed by Mofo pouring herself a Crystal Light and Vodka*
What? He thinks some other
What? He thinks some other kid crapped in SS's underwear? Like, "Hey, SS, can I borrow your tighty-whities? I need to take a dump. Thanks, bro!"
Or does he think the cat snuck up there to drop a load while SS was distracting playing video games? WTF?? I can't even...
I missed this earlier Mine
I missed this earlier :jawdrop: Mine asks me if I am sure it's poo ... Because the alternate is SS rubbed a stinky chocolate bar in his rods and put them back on. Either option is equally screwed up.