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Grumpy Old Sick Men

thinkthrice's picture

So Chef has come down with something...again.  He went off his health kick about a month ago.   I'm convinced he's lowered his own immune system by fretting over the aging process... can't eat what he used to, can't do this or that, being very pessimistic in general and well, being bitchy to me.

Now he's wanting me to play nurse and wait on him hand and foot.  His projects are backing up.  He went to urgent care which almost derailed me going to DGD's belated 3rd birthday party and Awesomeson's welcome home party from his deployment in Saudi Arabia.  Chef's urine test was fine.  He has flu / sinus/ lethargy symptoms and pain in his upper right front and back.   He refuses to go to imaging to see if he has gall bladder or kidney stone issues.  So stubborn!  I have a vacancy so have been working on that as well as gearing up for the garden season.  I have the rental lawns to mow and flooring to pick up.   Arrgh!


/vent off


Rags's picture

Hire a contractor and demonstrate to Chef that his self pitty won't slow down your business or life.

Ask him if he wants you to hire a short term health aid to "help" him work through his mid life crisis.

Mid life is not for the faint of heart. Stress seems to build up, learning that we are no longer bullet proof, seeing increased advancement and opportunity slow down, etc... However, a mid life crisis is no excuse to make others miserable and it is still a stupid move to make himself miserable.

The slow down, the aches, etc... are real, but.... wallowing in self pity is not my thing. I hope that Chef's wallowing is short and he can get back to being contributory to your life together.

JRI's picture

My DH is 86 so I know what you mean about grumpy old men.  Not that it's an excuse but when I see DH being grumpy and negative, I see him thinking, "I've seen that situation over and over.  If they dont do x, then y will happen.  Why don't they do x? (complain, complain)".  He overlooks the fact that he and everybody else has had to learn by their mistakes.  It doesn't stop him compmaining, though.

I'm sorry you're going thru this, it's a pain.

Rags's picture

The number of people who have the ability to learn from their own mistakes and experiences is mind numbingly low. Even fewer have the ability to learn from the mistakes and experiences of others.

I'm a couple decades and half behind your DH, but I am finding and learning  those who insist on feeling instead of listening  and learning to be increasingly infuriating to suffer the presence of.

When I was 15 I was Dx'd with Pre-diabetes which a year and half later had progressed to full blown T-1. Maybe I have Pre-Grumpy-old-man?


AlmostGone834's picture

What is it with men of a certain age and refusing to go into the doctors?? I can't get DH to go in for his routine checkups and his colonoscopy. He refuses. It worries me. And my dad? He's got this breathing thing going on. I told mom that I'm going on strike with my own health appointments until HE goes to the doctor. The blackmail seemed to work. He's considering it. I think I may start making up things that are wrong with me to put the pressure on him so he follows through. 

Sometimes you have to blackmail them. Solidarity. 

JRI's picture

They are afraid of what they might hear.

Lillywy00's picture


My ex used to get sick as a dog, hacking and coughing, and I'd demand he take COVID tests. 

Id have to blackmail too and told him if he refused I'd assume he had it and quarantine him to one room. 

One day I forced him to take a COVID test and it turned out it was positive.... the look on his face his a$$ was looking like someone told him his whole family had been murd3red and he had 6 weeks to live

After that, he refused to take the test because he was scared it was going to be positive and his Needy McClingster self would have to quarantine. 

Lillywy00's picture

That right there why men's life insurance is higher than women's. 

Blackmail, back door etc them into doing what they're supposed to do for the sake of their health. 

Yesterdays's picture

Dealing with this too 

This is the weekend after my chemo I usually feel like crap. Just so happens husband had a Man cold. I get to hear all about it while my face is all puffy from chemo drugs and other side effects.

I convinced him to ask about his cholesterol when he had his doctor Appt for the cold. Months and months ago they put him on cholesterol med for one month then he did bloodwork. He never heard back and didn't follow up. Turns out he has to be on the med for life. I had urged him to follow up months ago.. Nope.. 

Also finally was able to get him to make a dental Appt... It's been years !! As a dental examiner I find that infuriating 

He also missed several other medical follow up appts somehow and the doctor got cc'd so he got in trouble for that too 

On top of that his knees are bad but he won't go to the doctor or physio. 


Lillywy00's picture

Speaking of grumpy old sick men 

I always thought most elderly people were kind and patient (since they mostly don't the stress that comes along with have jobs, kids, or outstanding mortgage/car loans) no......some of them are so grumpy they stay having toddler level tantrums and meltdowns.....especially when they can't get their way as easily as they think.