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EXCELLENT Article--Aftermath of Helicoptering, Fake Self-Esteem Movement, Codding, Spoiling--College Students

thinkthrice's picture

Not sure if anyone posted about this article but it's a DOOZY.

Failure to Launch is gonna be around a looooooonnnnnnggggg time!


Just J's picture

Oh Lordy this is gross.

My brother in law and his wife have a 20 year old daughter. She is still at community college and doesn't work. Somehow she can never manage to get along with co-workers and supervisors at all the jobs she's had, so they allow her to not work and they pay her to clean their house! They bought her a brand new Altima and make the payments. And they're thinking of moving to another state in a few years and PLAN TO TAKE HER WITH THEM! It's frightening to me that this is how some people raise kids. They are setting her up to either never leave home or marry the first guy who will keep her in the lifestyle in which she has grown accustomed. I cannot imagine relocating to another state with my parents as an adult. Who does that?

Tuff Noogies's picture

*blushes* i did, but was not for failing to launch. totally different (pretty rare) circumstances. however *not* working was NEVER an option. EVER. the ONLY time that happened was when i was injured and could no longer physically work where i did - after healing time, i had to find a totally different type of job. so it took a few weeks. but that was the ONLY exception.

when i turned 18, my dad said "you are no longer a minor, you're a MAAAJOR!! hardy har har." BUT - that was when i was expected to be employed, buy my own gas, pay for my own insurance (car AND health), any activities or items i wanted i had to fund myself.

this coddling crap is doing kids NO favors at all. they have no sense of self-reliance, no coping mechanisms, nothing. they end up in college for crissake with the skills of a middle-schooler.

DaizyDuke's picture

Welcome to the "Pussification of America"! (As a gal in another group I belong to dubbed it)

Seriously, this country in going into a sickening downward spiral, like abandon all hope spiral, there is no hope for humanity. Sad

Merry's picture

I work on a college campus. We've moved from helicopter parents to velcro parents. It's going to get worse, folks.

My daughter, 29 and just finishing up her bachelors degree, works (yes, in school full time AND works) at a hotel near her campus in Texas. A student was staying there while he waited for his dorm room or apt or whatever. The hotel had a hot water problem. The kid called his mother in Florida to ask what to do. The mother called the hotel and reamed my daughter for the hot water problem (like she could do anything about it) because little sonny couldn't take a shower.

It is pathetic.

WalkOnBy's picture

I think for many parents, the answers to your questions are yes, yes, and then yes.

I pride myself on having raised tough kids can handle any situation with very little input from me.

I always figured that was my job as a parent.

I look at my skids and how DH jumps into solve every single problem for them and I just shake my head.

z3girl's picture

This was totally SD24 and BM. BM has done no favors to SD24 by doing everything for her. In college, BM drove 4 hours to SD's college so she could fill our SD's study abroad paperwork. SD told us where BM stayed in sorority house, and when DH received the copies of the paperwork to pay his share, it was all clearly filled in with BM's handwriting. Seriously?? At 23, BM was the one filling out SD's medical forms and contacting DH about SD's insurance. Ridiculous.

SD24 lived with BM until a couple of months ago, even though she graduated from college over 2 years ago. BM does not like SD24's boyfriend or SD24's partying ways, so every now and then she kicks SD24 out. SD24 always responds by calling the police and threatening to take BM to court to get back in "her" house. DH won't let SD24 spend one night with us out of fear of potential drama and police involvement if she decides to stay longer than we say she can.

SD24 FINALLY seems like she's beginning to launch. She moved across the country to go to grad school. She didn't have enough credit or savings to rent an apartment, so BM "had" to do it. She doesn't have the money for tuition, so BM is paying it. So basically SD24 is living her same lifestyle, but out of BM's sight. Before she moved, BM was giving SD a hard time about cosigning for the apartment, so SD called DH demanding he fix it all for her. When he said no, she threatened to kill herself. Next thing we know, BM is blowing up DH's phone about the suicide threat. DH ignored it all. SD was clearly not going to commit suicide.

This is all so crazy to me because I was self sufficient at 18. While I understand college is more expensive these days, but there are other ways to get through school without Mommy and Daddy hovering. My parents never saw my dorm room, never knew my grades, never heard a thing from me. I did invite them to my German Honor Society induction, and my professor thereafter was always asking after my parents. Smile

When DH ever defends SD24, I simply remind him that he was married, going to grad school at night after his day job, and saving for a house by the time he was SD's age.

I'm worried I'll "stunt" my own children's growth when they grow up. It will be interesting. I do agree this is a HUGE problem these days.