Anyone Else On This Forum Have Extreme PASed Out Skids
due to an extremely enmeshed, vitriolic BM and a mega spineless guilty/disney biodad who saw the light too late (after he was run over by the PAS Express train)?
I have three PASlings who were hell on wheels and coached to be that way by the uber hostile-aggressive CPS worker BM when on visitation. The BM herself was an only child PASed out against her father by HER mother.
To this day, the BM has a symbiotic relationship to the point of being unable to live more than five miles away from HER "mothership."
Biodad's kids are 17 1/2, 15 1/2 and 11. Have been PASed out for 4 1/2+ years (first trolling only for prezzies before major holidays then zero communication)
SD even stood biodad up three times when he attempted to reunite with them at their counselor's office (BM put them on meds and therapy for 9+ years running due to her anger against biodad)
I should also note that the ONLY reason biodad attempted to reunite was because he was envious over my bios success (and my successs in general as a true single parent with no CS while his children are utter academic and social failures)
He tried reuniting shortly after my youngest graduated from Air Force basic with several awards for excellence.
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Yeah had all three do this
Yeah had all three do this me, especially the two youngest. SD even threw rocks at me around age 7. They did the "obligatory time block of aloofness" (TM) where they purposely meandered back and forth in front of us during their sporting events pretending not to notice us for oh 20 minutes or so. They acted very nasty until about 30 minutes out of eyeshot of the BM. Then when the BM found out things were going too smoothly, she would ramp up the PAS.
You described BM's
You described BM's relationship with her mother to a tee. No wonder she has done the same to her own daughter.
I am also a BM and would
I am also a BM and would never think of PASing my bios even though I had good reason to (ex hub 1 was abusive, ex hub 2 was physically abusive and an alcoholic)
BM works for CPS and knows all the angles. As soon as YSS learned to talk, his attitude was like night and day.
SD16 is extremely PAS'd.
SD16 is extremely PAS'd. Everything good she does or has is bc of BM everything bad is bc of dad and goincrazy. She tried pot, it's bc of dad, she overdosed on alcohol it's because of dad and him getting serious with goincrazy that made her OD. She goes weeks and months with no communication or visits but if Xmas, school clothes shopping time or her birthday is coming up she magically reappears to get what she can and she's gone again. Her mother has brainwashed her that FDH was NEVER there for any school functions, dr appts etc even when they were married. She lied about why they got divorced etc.........it's sad but I just don't care anymore. Maybe one day when SD is an adult she will start to see the truth, if not, oh well, I will still be keeping her at a distance.
My SD15 is completely PAS'd.
My SD15 is completely PAS'd. A forensic psychologist who did the custody evaluation said it was the fastest growing case he had ever seen in over 30 years in his profession. This Dr. recommended that my SS's stay with DH (full custody) The same Dr. who teaches the Judges in our state about PAS.
The Judge went against the DR.'s recommendations. The only thing he did do was suspend custody time with SD to "preserve" the relationship for the future and CO'd therapy for SD.
My home has become more calmer since but BM still is PASing the SS's.
These judges will NEVER get
These judges will NEVER get it but since biodad was such a bad parent and it became a contest of who could spoil the PASlings the most, I'm glad biodad never got custody or 50/50.
The BM and her mom are BFFers and PASers, biodad is disney/guilty so the PASing side always "wins".
The BM got what she wanted: astronomical CS and the ability to crow about how biodad abandoned her, errrr, I mean the CHILDREN; plus she can lie all day long about not receiving CS to her friends and community, just the way HER mother did.
Yeah, I too miss the: -sky
Yeah, I too miss the:
-sky high utility bills
-endless piles of piss soaked laundry
-screaming at pitches that make a 777 jet blush
-"where's my dad?" every 15 seconds
-cleaning shit (literally) off my furniture
-inevitable insect infestation from eating in the bedroom
-all three huddled on the sofa in their whitey tighties (as if combined they can fight eeevil SM)
-unflushed turds in the toilet
-odd smell of soured chocolate milk and stale french fries mingled with mildew (don't ask)
-imprompu phoney CPS reports
-fact that everything said in front of them got back to the BM
-opened bottles of gatorade lying around wasted
-gas expenditures being the sole transport
-munchausen doctor reports (taken to the ER for a hangnail)
-pet abuse and animal torture
-tv blasting idiotic programs
-"I cannnnnn't fiiiiiiiind it--daaaddddddyyy help meeeeeeee"
-site of filthy fingernails and teeth
-destruction of my property (spray painting house and car, holes in walls, etc)
-already high voice of biodad going up a couple octaves and sweet enough to give type 2 diabetes
-ASKING children what they want to do, where they want to go, what colour to paint MY house
-papa grizzly (when suggesting there might actually be house rules)
-being told by biodad I'm too strict, I'm mean, I'm cold hearted, I'm cruel
In my experience you
In my experience you can't.
BM started forming her "army" early on:
Her BM
Her church friends
Her friends in the community
Even biodad's own brother bought the lies
If the adults were fooled, what chance would there be for a 7, 5 and stb 2 yr old who are NEVER intellectually stimulated or challenged--just kept as a "pet" and CS ticket for the BM? All three were brainwashed 24/7 from day one--it's been 11 years with no reversal in sight. Will all probably end up in jail, too.
And to top it all off, biodad
And to top it all off, biodad blames ME for the PASout. He's developed into quite the alcoholic and has gotten seriously nasty should I ever bring up the topic (I don't)
I guess Im lucky in that when
I guess Im lucky in that when they hit ages almost 12, almost 10 and almost 7 respectively, they PASed out. At 8, I caught SD red handed going through my purse and biodad's wallet looking for money. She was using OSS as a "lookout" at 10 yrs old. Her excuse was "I thought you were sleeping" :jawdrop:
i didn't tell biodad because he would never believe me.
OSS and SD have been suspended for fighting at school. I kid you not, but biodad was PROUD!!
My diatribe is more for those
My diatribe is more for those thinking about getting into a step relationship and warning them AGAINST it--but is validating for those already in!
SD18 is the poster child for
SD18 is the poster child for PAS...
Yes we went through a very
Yes we went through a very bad PAS with SD (now 14). She was 11 - 12 at the time and BM did everything she could to get DH out of the picture. We had great advise from a psychologist who is a friend of mine and she said said for the DH to remain present in SD life - regardless if she wants him around or not. He went to her athletic and school events even when SD completely ignored him. It crushed him, but he remained "present". BM loved the fact that SD was now totally her's. Well...guess what...it ended up back firing on BM big time!!! SD finally realized what BM was doing and they and some bad blow ups. We never talked bad about BM, but she sure remembers how much BM saying she hated DH and myself. Fast forward two years later and custody arrangement has been changed to 50/50 since SD wants to be with us more.
Bottom line - always remain present. Skids will eventually see what is going on. Good luck!
Yep. BM attempted to PAS both
Yep. BM attempted to PAS both SD's, she was successful with my oldest SD18. I had a chance with SD15 she was 5 at the time and I knew her for three years prior to ever meeting my dh which is her Dad.
But ya know what?
Now that SD is 18, moved out of my house to her GP I have to tell you what I discovered.
SD18, looks like BM. Talks like BM. Asserts herself like BM. She really is BM. I knew BM prior to DH as well and to be honest BM is not the type of women I would befriend anyway. So why would I want to have a relationship with someone just like her?
Yep. BM successfully and
Yep. BM successfully and completely alienated Faux (9) from DH and I about a year ago. This is right around the time she started telling Faux that DH wasn't his "real" father. Turns out, DH is not the biofather. SF supposedly is (though the judge won't order a test at this point) and is in the process of adopting him. BM knew all along that DH wasn't Faux's father. She never encouraged a realtionship between them even when they were married. SS15 was "their" son but she always referred to Faux as "hers." Now it all makes sense. It's just too bad she couldn't have been honest from the beginning instead of causing so much damage to DH and her own child.
Faux is now completely out of our lives. DH would have continued being his father, DNA or not. But the PAS is too deep.