I am new...
I am a mom to two girls. Beautiful girls that amaze me. But I still daydream about walking out the door and never looking back, and honestly I want to take them with me. I'm so tired of being a step mom. I know I'm the adult, and I am being "over sensitive" and according to my husband I take everything "the wrong way." The 6 y/o is clothes-obsessed, and she is so used to getting her way about clothes that she throws a fit every single time she doesn't get to wear exactly what she wants to wear. She also has problems listening, and a HUGE lying problem. At 6. She lies to get her way, because BM lies to everyone, even her kids to get her way... shamelessly. The 11 y/o SS is the same way. Can't take criticism, and can't conceive that he's EVER wrong. It's getting to the point where they just like being at their mom's because she so distracted getting some from her nasty much younger boyfriend that has no interest in being a SD, but wants to sleep over anyway, that she lets them do whatever they want. She buys them whatever they want. She doesn't make them eat healthy, and barely cooks at home anyway. My SD eats more chicken fingers and fries than anything else combined. I hate being the bad guy, because they have to listen. Because there is actually a bed time. Because we eat all our veggies here. Because you don't always get your own way. I have not been able to bite my tongue with the 6 y/o because she gets so ridiculous about getting her own way that I can barely stand being around her. Here's the kicker: they are great kids who love me. So I'm a terrible person. I'm the step monster. It's all my fault. My husband is a guilty parent to a point, but he doesn't let them openly get away with stuff. He does make all kinds of excuses for them to me. It's always about sides. It's gotten so bad that the issue of splitting up has come up. Sometimes I think it would just be better. Maybe I wouldn't be so miserable all the time. Maybe I wouldn't get mad at his ex for being a horrible parent/person. Maybe I wouldn't have to swallow pill after pill about letting the 11 y/o tell her how to be a parent, or place orders for items. It's disgusting. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I just wasn't the step monster. I mean I do take care of them most of the time, but that doesn't matter. I should be Mary F'in Poppins, right? I mean I do stay at home, so I'm practically the maid/babysitter anyway. Who wouldn't LOVE this life?
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girl I feel ya. Although my
girl I feel ya. Although my situation is different, because I have not really ever been around these 2 sk in the 17 years we have been married,and I do have 3 bk with my hubby. I think you are amazing and trying to do the best you can with these kids. I admire you. Because honestly, when these kids decide to come around every 2 years or so, they want things on their terms and we are supposed to drop EVERYTHING, no matter what to cater to them. I get resentful and have no desire to do so. I feel like I am a really good person, but not in this area. I feel horrible for feeling this way, but if I had it to do over, I would never marry someone with kids again. Ever. We have a great marriage except for this area, and It makes me miserable.
As an adult and human being,
As an adult and human being, you have a right to put your foot down and say No More! If no one will listen to that, then you need to make a choice if the situation you are in is the right one for you.
Look, no relationship is perfect. There are issues in every marriage. It's up to you to decide if your relationship is worth fighting for...but you can't be the one doing all the fighting. Your DH has to put into it as well...and so do the skids.
It's my opinion (and just that, nothing else) that all step families need counseling. There are to many issues that come up with blended families that most of us were not taught growing up how to deal with. Just because we are adults does not mean we have all the answers and should be able to figure everything out.
Your skids behave the way that they do because someone lets them. Sounds like that's their mother's fault...and unfortunately her lack of parenting skills has become your problem. If you are trying to do the right thing and teach them about the real world (where they will not get their way) and are not getting any help then maybe you need to find someone else that will support you.
I have to say, it would be sad if you did leave. From what you've told us, you may be the only life teacher they have. Their mother's way is not going to get them anywhere in life....except maybe unemployment because they can't follow rules, jail because they lie , and diabetes with some obesity because all they eat is crap.
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
I couldn't agree more
I couldn't agree more pnutbutta and couldn't have put it any better if I tried!