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Disappointing Valentine's Day

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 2:20pm

Yesterday, I was very excited as I thought I was going to have a Great V DAY. It turns out, no such luck. I have a car my SO doesn't and he asked yesterday, if he could drive me into work. I was under the assumption that this was because he had something planned. But no. He went and got himself a haircut instead(because he had a client meeting to go to today, not for me lol). Not that its a LOL. He did get me something,a tablet which was nice. However, There was zero romance.
In fact, he pulled up to a grocery store after he picked me up from work and he comes back to the car and hands me white roses. I was a little disappointed because I put A LOT of effort, into him and its not always reciprocated. I dont know why he had my car. I told him that is the equivalent of me pulling up to a Mall and saying "Be right back, I just have to get something for your birthday." I know I am not the easiest person to live with and maybe I do have high expectations. But there was little effort, if any. That is what is depressing. My ex, used to not make me feel special either.
Before we were dating he was like Mr. Romantic, now, I dont know. I know i've become bitter and anxiety ridden, in some way. Primarily because of the BM, shes not as bad as some people's Bms but she is very money oriented. And I dont know it bugs the hell out of me.
Also, he is way older than me 20 years older. Im in my late 20's he in his late 40's and I have more assets. So its frustrating that my vehicle, the one I pay for is used to transport the skids. He cant afford his own vehicle. BM never drives. Oh well. I hope this feeling of disappointment goes away.
We almost broke up last night, SO said that I was the reason behind why he may loose his job. He was like "yep, Im going to lose my job thank-you for that." He also asked me to send his coworker an e-mail, that he wont be going to the client site. I did but said he was having car troubles.
It was really a bad night, I kept crying and I was just shocked as to where this anger came from. Maybe I shouldnt have spoken up about being disappointed. It just seemed like history repeating itself again.
Ive never once dated a guy and they wanted to celebrate an anniversary. I dont want to have to fight to get romance, it should be innate in a relationship. Maybe it is me that is so bad, that none of them have wanted to celebrate it with me.
Oh well.

Comments

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 2:27pm

I think the fact that he bought you a tablet is very nice and thoughtful. I also think it's sweet that even though he was with you, he wanted to make sure he gave you flowers. He must have thought it was important.

I think it's all perspective.

I have 3 bios and 1 step and if my husband can find time in the day to run to the grocery store and get me flowers, then I am thankful - WHENEVER he does this.

Again, perspective.

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Submitted by stepmomto3bioto1 on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 2:54pm

I think it simply sounds like Romance & being romanced is important to you. What girl doesnt want that, really. Im sorry you felt dissapointed! Perhaps you should talk to him, in a non-confrontational way. Talk to him about what things are important to him in a relationship and vice versa. Keep it non confrontational and think of it more as learning about each other. Dont talk about how upset you were on Valentines Day. The day has come & gone and no matter what he cant change it now.

He got you a lovely gift! Id be thrilled about that aspect of it. Tablets are expensive!! Men dont see things like we do. He probably did put thought into it all- but perhaps his delivery was not so good. Yea- Id probably wanna roll my eyes if I was left in the car while a guy ran in the store to buy me last minute flowers, too. But. Be thankful for his other gift!!

One time I was talking to my DH about 'why' having flowers delivered was so special to women vs your guy just handing them to ya. I learned alot. Men see the end product but dont get it why the Delivery is actually much better then the flowers are. Men & Women think very differently!!!

As a thought- take the 5 love languages quiz. Both you & him!!! Its at 5lovelanguages.com. I learnt ALOT from that & was shocked at what my DHs true love language was-- cause he tried to portay himself differently based on what he 'thought' Id wanna hear. But ya know what? We are getting along a ton better now. So it does work!

Hope things get better for ya!!! I think he truly tried. People can get lazy once theyve been in a relationship for awhile. They stop romancing & courting each other. Thats why marriage is hard work!! Its cause you have to never stop doing for each other. Thats alot of the reason why alot of marriages fail.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Fri, 02/15/2013 - 3:16pm

It was nice that he got you a gift. I know so many women who get nothing at all for Vday. I learned early on to expect nothing and then you won't be disappointed. One Valentines Day a few years ago I was convinced DH was getting me this beautiful necklace we had looked at in the jewelry store. Money was really tight that year but I figured he loved me and would find a way to pull it off. Valentines Day came and I got him some really nice cologne and made him cookies and a big basket of chocolates.

He gives me my present and says sorry, maybe next year. I open it and it was a fake, cheap necklace with a heart and locket. I wanted to cry!! I was so disappointed. I actually never put it on and just put it in my drawer. I pretended to be happy.

This year money is really, really tight. I expected nothing but a card and a cheap box of chocolates. I made him a personalized card, made cupcakes and made up a thing of chocolates for him.

He came home with a huge thing of roses, balloon, teddy bear, gift bag full of chocolates and some gift cards!!

And because I expected nothing, I was beyond happy that he did that for me.

I eventually did get that beautiful necklace, but sometimes I wear the cheap one that he got me and it makes me smile!!