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He doesn't trust me!

suthrnrose's picture

I really don't know how to begin this entry. My ss and I had a huge arguement last night while his dad was at work. He has a bad habit of never being able to do what I ask him to do, at least not the right way. It's almost as if he screws things up just to push my buttons. So I called him out on this and he's says he doesn't know why he doesn't like to do what I tell him. Now, I do the biggest amount of telling him what to do and what is expected of him because his dad works at night and is only here with the kids on the weekends. That puts so much responsibility on me and both of my sks are teenagers (ss is 14 and sd is 15)and live with us all the time because their own "mom" lives out of the country. So, when I finally get an answer as to why I don't get shown the same respect as his dad it's because I don't trust you! I also got mad and told him I didn't know why he didn't trust me because I had always been there for him and I didn't walk out on him like his own mother did. I know I shouldn't have said that but I've just had it with being treated like I'm not a person he should respect. I'm fed up with not being appreciated for all the things I do for him in his life. Now I have been living with him and helping take care of him since he was 9 years old so this is not a new situation. I don't understand this because I have always been very involved in both of their lives. I have always attended their sports and school activities and made sure they were taken care of at home as well. I've always treated them as my own children because their own "mom" is not here for them. The reason I've put it as "mom" when I'm writing is because she is not the one who does all the things a mom should do for them so I don't really think of her as anything but a biological mother to them. They, however, think she can do know wrong even thought she left them to marry a man from another country and moved there to live with him and now has another child with him who they have only ever met one time. She chose another man and life over her own children! That is so hard for me to comprehend especially now that their dad and I have a 7 month old. Anyway, lately there seems to be a lot of hostiliy towards me and I don't understand why. I don't listen in to their phone conversations with her so I don't know what she tells him. I'm sure there is a little jealousy because he's not the baby of the family any more but come on he's 14 years old and should be able to understand the baby needing us more and needing more attention than he does. My husband can't figure out what's going on with him and neither can I. It sure is nice to get it out of my system and I hope somebody reads this who understands. I mean I talk to my husband about it but when you're not in the stepparent shoes yourself it's hard to sympathize and understand how it feels.


happy mom's picture

I would sit this child and have a serious talk w/him. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. That you are not angry w/him and wish he could tell you what bothers him. Tell him you love him and wants to help him. If he doesn't say anything to you then just let him know that you'll be there when he is ready to talk about it. It could be that he just misses his mother and takes out the frustration on you. Ask him if he misses his mother and if he wants to see her and maybe arrange the visit for him. Just a suggestion.

-happy mom